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| Don't Keep It to Yourself | 101 |
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where are we?
This week's reading assignment: the introduction and chapters 1-3 in Every Man's Battle
Before men experience victory over sexual sin, they're hurting and confused. Why can't I win at this? they think. As the fight wears on and the losses pile higher, we begin to doubt everything about ourselves, even our salvation. At best, we think that we're deeply flawed. At worst, evil persons. We feel very alone, since men speak little of these things.
But we're not alone. Many men have fallen into their own sexual pits.
-from chapter 3 in Every Man's Battle
* Every Man's TRUTH
(Your Personal Journey into God's Word)
As you begin this study, ask for the Holy Spirit's help in hearing and obeying His personal words for you. Read and meditate upon the following Bible passages, which have to do with God's holiness and His call to purity. Let the Lord remind you that He is calling you to purity because He has your best interest at heart. Also remember that He delights in you-as one who is made in His image and growing into His likeness, day day.
You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery." But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died-more than that, who was raised to life-is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:33-35,37-39)
"Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." (Isaiah 1:18)
1. What do Jesus' words tell you about His deep concern for your thought life?
2. What comfort do you take in Paul's words to the Roman believers? How does this passage relate to your feelings of guilt when you've given in to lust?
3. When it comes to a believer's sin, how would you distinguish between rebellion and immaturity? What is God's attitude toward us as we grow-and as we stumble-in our attempts to walk in holiness with Him? (Think about your relationship to your own children, if you have them.)
4. "White as snow" is the prophet's imagery for God's holiness. To what extent do you long for holiness and purity in your life? How are Isaiah's words hopeful to you?
* Every Man's CHOICE
(Questions for Personal Reflection and Examination)
* Pursuing sexual integrity is a controversial topic. We've been ridiculed the world's sophisticates who find God's standard ridiculous and confining. That's fine with us, because we have a bigger concern-you. You're in a tough position. You live in a world awash with sensual images available twenty-four hours a day in a variety of mediums: print, television, videos, the Internet-even phones. *
* After teaching on the topic of male sexual purity in Sunday school, I was approached one day a man who said, "I always thought that since I was a man I would not be able to control my roving eyes. I didn't know it could be any other way." *
5. Why do you think pursuing sexual integrity is such a controversial topic? How realistic is this pursuit for you?
6. How aware are you of the sensual images all around you? What has been your way of dealing with-or not dealing with-this bombardment of sexuality on a daily basis?
7. Have you ever considered your roving eye to be uncontrollable? In the past, when have you been most likely to lose control? What has helped you to exercise control?
* Every Man's WALK
(Your Guide to Personal Application)
* Steve: I can't tell you what her face looked like; nothing above the neckline registered with me that morning. My eyes feasted on this banquet of glistening flesh as she passed on my left, and they continued to follow her lithe figure as she continued jogging southbound. I turned my head further and further, craning my neck to capture every possible moment for my mental video camera.
Then blam! I might still be marveling at this remarkable specimen of female athleticism if my Mercedes hadn't plowed into a Chevelle that had come to a complete stop in my lane. *
* Fred: There was a monster lurking about, and it surfaced each Sunday morning when I settled in my comfy La-Z-Boy and opened the Sunday morning newspaper. I would quickly find the department-store inserts and begin paging through the colored newsprint filled with models posing in bras and panties. Always smiling. Always available. I loved lingering over each ad insert. It's wrong, I admitted, but it's such a small thing. It was a far cry from Playboy , I told myself. I peered through the panties, fantasizing. *
8. Which situations in the stories of Steve and Fred can you personally identify with most? How common do you think these situations are among the Christian men you know?
9. Think about Steve's car wreck for a moment. How much trouble have your own eyes gotten you into over the years? What especially painful incident stands out to you at the moment?
10. Fred's eyes were particularly vulnerable to the sensual newspaper ads. In what situations are your own eyes the most vulnerable? What steps have you taken so far to avoid such situations?
11. Recall that, in chapter 3, Fred speaks of the price he was paying for his sin in his relationship with God, with his wife, with his children, and with his church. In which of these areas of life do you think a man's sexual sin hurts him most quickly and obviously? How is it with you?
12. In quietness, review what you have written and learned in this week's study. If further thoughts or prayer requests come to your mind and heart, you may want to write them here.
13. a) What for you was the most meaningful concept or truth in this week's study?
b) How would you talk this over with God? Write your response here as a prayer to Him.
c) What do you believe God wants you to do in response to this week's study?
* Every Man's TALK
(Constructive Topics and Questions for Group Discussion)
Key Highlights from the Book for Reading Aloud and Discussing
* Addictive sex is devoid of intimacy. Sex addicts are utterly self-focused. They cannot achieve genuine intimacy because their self-obsession leaves no room for giving to others.... Addictive sex is used to escape pain and problems. The escapist nature of addictive sex is often one of the clearest indicators that it is present. *
* When we're fractionally addicted, we surely experience addictive drawings, but we aren't compelled to act to salve some pain. We're compelled the chemical high and the sexual gratification it brings. Another way of looking at the scope of the problem is to picture a bell curve. According to our experiences, we figure around 10 percent of men have no sexual-temptation problem with their eyes and their minds. At the other end of the curve, we figure there's another 10 percent of men who are sexual addicts and have a serious problem with lust.... The rest of us comprise the middle 80 percent, living in various shades of gray when it comes to sexual sin. *
* [From The Heart of a Woman] "When my husband and I talked about this, he was honest," Deena conveyed, "and I was very angry with him. I was hurt. I felt deeply betrayed because I'd been dieting and working out to keep my weight down so that I would always look nice to him. I couldn't figure out why he still needed to look at other women."
Women told us that they struggle between pity and anger, and their feelings may ebb and flow with the tide of their husband's battle. Let us direct this advice to women reading this book: Though you know you should pray for him and fulfill him sexually, sometimes you won't want to. Talk to each other openly and honestly, then do the right thing. *
Discussion Questions
A. Which parts of chapters 1-3 in Every Man's Battle were most helpful or encouraging to you and why?
B. How would you summarize the difference between normal sexual desire and addictive sex?
C. Do you agree that sex can be a way of trying to escape inner pain? What is your own experience with this?
D. How would you explain to another man what the authors define as fractional addiction?
E. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the book's contention that, for most men, our sexual sin is based on pleasure-highs rather than true addiction?
F. Look together at The Heart of a Woman quotation. What is most surprising to you in the comments of this woman? What is most helpful to you in better understanding your own wife?
G. Do you agree with the authors' advice to wives? Talk about it together.
H. As an additional group-discussion option, look together at the text under the heading The Heart of a Woman at the end of this week's reading. What is most surprising to you in the comments of these women? What is most helpful to you in better understanding your own wife?
Excerpted from every man's battle workbook by Stephen Arterburn Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey Copyright © 2002 by WaterBrook Press
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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