Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons How to Find Your Soul Mate

by Warren, Dr. Neil Clark; Abraham, Ken

• ISBN13: 9780446693882
• ISBN10: 044669388X
• Edition: Reprint
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-12-13
• Publisher: Center Street

Summary

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com--an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.-á Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust.-á Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning. While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson

Author Biography

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, has counseled thousands of singles and married couples, and has become one of America's best-known experts on singles' issues, mate selection, and developing healthy relationships. His articles have appeared in numerous journals and magazines, and he has appeared on more than 3,000 radio and television programs, such as Oprah, CNBC, CNNFN and Focus on the Family.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Matchmaker, Matchmaker	xi
1 How eHarmony Began	1	(28)
2 Finding Your Soul Mate	29	(24)
GROUP 1 The Screening Dimensions	53	(46)
3 DIMENSION 1 Good Character	55	(6)
4 DIMENSION 2 The Quality of Your Self-Conception	61	(6)
5 DIMENSION 3 Watch Out for Red Flags	67	(5)
6 DIMENSION 4 Anger Management	72	(7)
7 DIMENSION 5 Obstreperousness	79	(6)
8 DIMENSION 6 Understandings About Family	85	(5)
9 DIMENSION 7 Family Background	90	(9)
GROUP 2 The Core Personal Dimensions	99	(62)
10 DIMENSION 8 Intellect	101	(6)
11 DIMENSION 9 Similar Energy Levels	107	(3)
12 DIMENSION 10 Spirituality	110	(4)
13 DIMENSION 11 Education	114	(4)
14 DIMENSION 12 Appearance	118	(3)
15 DIMENSION 13 Sense of Humor	121	(3)
16 DIMENSION 14 Mood Management	124	(3)
17 DIMENSION 15 Traditional Versus Nontraditional Personalities	127	(6)
18 DIMENSION 16 Ambition	133	(3)
19 DIMENSION 17 Sexual Passion	136	(8)
20 DIMENSION 18 Artistic Passion	144	(3)
21 DIMENSION 19 Values	147	(4)
22 DIMENSION 20 Industry	151	(2)
23 DIMENSION 21 Curiosity	153	(2)
24 DIMENSION 22 Vitality and Security	155	(3)
2S DIMENSION 23 Autonomy Versus Closeness	158	(3)
GROUP 3 Skills That Can Be Developed	161	(24)
26 DIMENSION 24 Communication	163	(7)
27 DIMENSION 25 Conflict Resolution	170	(11)
28 DIMENSION 26 Sociability	181	(4)
GROUP 4 Qualities That Can Be Developed	185	(14)
29 DIMENSION 27 Adaptability	187	(5)
30 DIMENSION 28 Kindness	192	(3)
31 DIMENSION 29 Dominance Versus Submissiveness	195	(4)
32 Chemistry The Key Factor	199	(6)
33 Commitment The Glue That Keeps It All Together	205	(12)
Appendix A: Three Secrets to a Great Relationship	217	(12)
Appendix B: Twenty Questions	229	(2)
Appendix C: Similarities or Differences?	231	(4)
How eHarmony Works	235