Summary

"We are professionals. Though not specifically professionals in the field of 'psychology' or 'psychiatry,' we are both highly paid actors and comedians, and as such know more about neuroses than you could possibly imagine. . . ." If you're tired of following the rules, dating people from Mars and Venus, gorging on chicken soup for your soul, or getting lost on a road less traveled, then it's time you listened to Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo, two people who actually sweat the small stuff . . . because, let's face it, if your body doesn't sweat, it dies--much like Ben and Janeane's train wreck of a relationship many years ago. From that experience came wisdom and self-reproachment. Now, in Feel This Book, they tackle the tough questions: - Is love necessary? - How can I make money off my spouse? - Compassion--is it overrated? - Why can't I sleep around and still love you? - How many times have you told your significant other that you would pick up something for dinner on your way home from the office, and next thing you knew you're at an all-night eatery with some hermaphrodite you found on the strip, having eggs and bacon at three in the morning? Through helpful tips, completely fabricated case studies, the six laws of spiritual success, the fourteen by-laws of spiritual awakening, and the twenty-three addendums and sub-laws regarding anything spiritual and successful, Stiller and Garofalo teach such valuable lessons as: - When it comes to family, grasp onto the blame and don't let go - Make the connection . . . between Deepak and Tupac - Your mother lied; looks are everything, and the sooner you submit and stop denying the inevitable, the happier you will be - And much more! Feel This Book. Let it be your path, your compass, your sensible shoes, your Frappuccino. It's what self-help was meant to be.

Author Biography

Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo are currently touring the world, bringing their unique message of enlightenment and hope to seekers everywhere.

Is Love Necessary?	p. 1
Why Do I Hate You So Much?	p. 15
How Can I Make Money of My Spouse?	p. 23
Compassion--Is It Overrated?	p. 42
The Six Laws of Spiritual Success	p. 71
The Fourteen Bylaws of Spiritual Awakening	p. 98
Twenty-Three Addendums and Sublaws Regarding Anything Spiritual and Successful	p. 121
The "Johnny Appleseed" Syndrome	p. 145
Eight Dumbass Ways We Fuck Ourselves Up	p. 173
Men Who Actually Marry Their Mothers	p. 197
Letting Go of Everything You Fear--It's Scary!	p. 214
Learning to Crawl	p. 229
Emotional Ice Hockey	p. 245
Do You Even Deserve a Relationship?	p. 253
Maybe I'm So Psychologically Damaged That I Need Professional Help That a Book Won't Solve	p. 267
Role-Playing, or "But I'm Not You and I Never Will Be--Thank God!"	p. 285
Allowing God into Your Life	p. 293
Conferencing with God	p. 305
Negotiating with God for What You Want--and Getting It!	p. 316
But I Don't Wanna Be Happy--Waa! Waa!	p. 323
Is a Partner Always Necessary?	p. 328
The Spear and the Shield	p. 340
Orgasm, Schmorgasm!	p. 351
[The Penis or the Pickle]	p. 356
Monogamy--Is It for You?	p. 363
Why Can't I Sleep Around and Still Love You?	p. 367
How to Fake an Orgasm to Show Your Love, or The Art of the Squeal	p. 372
Male Orgasm Faking	p. 379
Drawing Up a "Sexual Constitution"	p. 380
Intimacy Does Not Always Have to Go Along with Sex	p. 388
"Getting Your Rocks off" Can Start an Avalanche	p. 393
Pros and (Very Few) Cons of a Third Party in the Bedroom	p. 399
Fantasy and Reality ... and Hookers	p. 408
How to Get Your Partner off ... the Dime	p. 413
I Wish His Penis Were as Big as His Heart	p. 416
I Wish I Could Actually Think of Her Even Once During Masturbation	p. 419
Why Do I Have to Picture Our Maid Watching Us to Achieve Orgasm?	p. 421
Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved.

Supplemental Materials

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The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

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Excerpts

This book was written in an attempt to share with you certain ideas and concepts that we, as entertainers and people-who-are-in-touch-with-ourselves, have developed over the years.

Just as swallowing an entire jug of elderberry wine would make you sick and nauseous, yet a few sips with dinner brings a warm happy glow, so, too, it is with this book.

Trying to ingest it all in one sitting--though possible--is not advised. There are too many subtle nuances, tender touches, and hidden messages to be gleaned from a single reading.

Instead, we urge you to pour over this manual, reading and rereading certain sections if they make no sense to you, or if they seem unclear. Chances are if there is something you don't understand, it's because it is something you need to understand. If we have used a word that is too big or complicated, get your butt off the toilet and pick up a dictionary. (Or consult Janeane's very helpful glossary on pages 205-210.) Make it your business to make this book part of the fabric of your everyday life.

The ideas and concepts espoused within do work--you just have to embrace them. Only by lovingly wrapping your arms around them and rubbing up real close--close enough that the ideas can feel you breathing on them--will you gain their true benefits.

While we have written this book in the simplest way possible (and if we have done our job right, it will seem simplistic and obvious), it is far from that.

As with any document or theory dealing with the human psyche, one must be very careful what one says and suggests, as we are all fragile beings who are easily influenced and manipulated. Both of us have gone to great pains to make sure that we have not knowingly abused that privilege.

We are professionals. Though not specifically professionals in the fields of "psychology" or "psychiatry," we are both highly paid actors and comedians, and as such know more about neuroses than you could possibly hope to imagine.

Feel like spreading the word? Go out and buy ten copies and give 'em to your best friends. Better yet, buy ten more and lay them on your worst enemy. Didn't Jesus say something about loving people you hate, or who hate you (or something)?

Writing this has been nothing less than COMPLETELY TRANSFORMATIONAL for us. All that is left is for you to completely transform yourself and everyone who you have a speaking relationship with, by exposing them to the concepts waiting within these pages.

As you continue on, be fearless--change is not something you need to ride the bus--and know that by the very act of just picking up this book, just looking at it across a crowded bookstore and deciding to impulse buy it, you have sent a resounding beacon to the universe. And it's a message louder than the loudest Metallica concert and clearer than the clearest waters of the Carib-bean Sea.

What is that message?

Turn the page, and let the adventure begin.

Excerpted from Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy and Sexual Satisfaction by Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.