Forced to Be Family A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws

by Dellasega, Cheryl

• ISBN13: 9780470049990
• ISBN10: 0470049995
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2007-09-28
• Publisher: Wiley

Summary

You can survive the "kitchen wars"-and live in peace with your family"My sisters-in-law couldn't stand me. I was really hurt when my kids weren't mentioned in their grandmother's obituary because they weren't 'full-blooded' family.""My mom is always giving advice, always telling me to do such and such when she doesn't do it herself. If my husband and I have a fight, she takes his side!""My sister did call me a week later to apologize but proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with me, my husband, and my children."Sound familiar? There's nothing new or unusual about conflict between mothers, sisters, and other female family members-but that doesn't make it any less painful or destructive. Adding to the hurt of relational abuse within the family is the permanent nature of the relationship: you can sever relations with an abusive friend, but you can't stop being the sister/daughter/niece of an abusive relative. Does that mean that there's no way out?In Forced to Be Family, you'll discover how to determine whether a female family member is being abusive, recognize the sources of that abuse, and break the vicious cycle that keeps the abuse alive. You don't have to choose between accepting abuse and "making a scene." This insightful, reassuring guide gives you the strategies and understanding you need to reestablish warm and loving relationships with the women who will always be closest to you.

Author Biography

Cheryl Dellasega, PhD, is a professor in the department of humanities at the College of Medicine and Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of Mean Girls Grown Up and four other books: Surviving Ophelia, Girl Wars, the award-winning The Starving Family, and Bloggrls, a fiction series for girls.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. ix
Introduction	p. 1
Females in the Family Way	p. 7
A Tale of Two Sisters	p. 9
The Kitchen Wars: Relational Aggression between Female Relatives	p. 17
The Female Family Clique	p. 29
Hardwired to Care: The Kin-Keepers	p. 39
Men Are Like Bricks, Women Are Like Mortar	p. 47
Competition: A Help or a Hurt?	p. 55
How True, and for Whom?	p. 65
Friend versus Female Family Feuds	p. 76
Mothers, Sisters, and Daughters	p. 85
Motherhood Revisited	p. 87
Distressing Daughters	p. 97
Sweetly Sinister Sisters	p. 106
In-Laws and Others	p. 117
Mothers and Sisters, by Law	p. 119
Daughtering, the In-Law Way	p. 133
Not Quite Family, Definitely RA	p. 143
Family, More or Less: Extended, Extra, or Estranged	p. 145
Carebearing and Carewearing	p. 156
Really Forced to Be Family: Divorce	p. 171
Connected, Caring, or Coping	p. 185
The Female Family Maintenance Plan	p. 187
The Transformation Treatment Plan	p. 200
A Time to Act	p. 209
Special Strategies for Mother or Sister RA	p. 217
Special Solutions for In-Laws and Exes	p. 231
Relative RA: What a Therapist Has to Say	p. 240
Turning Relational Aggression into Relational Affection	p. 246
References	p. 249
Index	p. 255
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