Free Yourself from an Abusive Relationship : A Guide to Taking Back Your Life

by Kraus, Richard; Lissette, Andrea

• ISBN13: 9780897932578
• ISBN10: 0897932579
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-01-21
• Publisher: Hunter House

Summary

This book is a comprehensive guide to recognizing and dealing with domestic abuse and violence. It outlines the different types and stages of abuse, and provides information on how to change such relationships or escape from them.

Author Biography

Andrea Lissette, M.A., is approved by the Florida Department of Corrections to train facilitators of state-certified domestic violence intervention programs. She also leads violence intervention classes for juveniles and adults and advocates for victims of domestic violence. Richard Kraus, Ph.D., is a Florida state-certified assessor for batterers' intervention groups for men and women and has extensive experience counseling victims of domestic violence.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. x
Preface	p. xi
Introduction	p. 1
Recognizing Abusive Behavior
Identifying Abuse	p. 8
Patterns of Domination and Control	p. 9
The Domestic Violence Cycle	p. 9
Types of Abuse	p. 11
Emotional Abuse	p. 13
Patterns of Emotional Abuse	p. 14
Emotional Abuse Inventory	p. 31
Physical Abuse	p. 33
Patterns of Physical Abuse	p. 33
Physical Abuse Inventory	p. 35
Sexual Abuse	p. 37
Patterns of Sexual Abuse	p. 37
Rape	p. 38
Incest and Other Sexual Abuse of Children	p. 39
Sexual Abuse Inventory	p. 41
Social Abuse	p. 42
Patterns of Social Abuse	p. 43
Social Abuse Inventory	p. 43
Financial Abuse	p. 45
Patterns of Financial Abuse	p. 45
Financial Abuse Inventory	p. 46
Religious and Spiritual Abuse	p. 48
Patterns of Spiritual Abuse	p. 48
The Misuse of Religious Doctrine	p. 48
Religious and Spiritual Abuse Inventory	p. 50
Learning About Abusers and Victims
Recognizing Abusers	p. 52
Characteristics and Attitudes of Abusers	p. 53
Female Abusers	p. 57
Abuser Inventory	p. 58
Recognizing Danger Signals	p. 60
Indicators of Potentially Dangerous Behavior	p. 61
Potential Danger Inventory	p. 63
Victims of Abuse	p. 65
Myths About Victims of Abuse	p. 65
Why Victims Stay in or Return to Abusive Relationships	p. 67
Victim Dependencies	p. 77
Mutual Dependency	p. 82
Examining Your Reasons for Staying in or Returning to an Abusive Relationship	p. 83
Specific Victim Circumstances and Concerns	p. 87
Abusers with Money, Influence, and Power	p. 87
Cultural Concerns	p. 90
Male Abuse Victims	p. 93
Victims in Rural Areas	p. 94
Same-Sex Partners	p. 97
Victims with Disabilities	p. 99
Abuse During Pregnancy	p. 100
Abuse at Different Ages	p. 102
Abuse of Children	p. 102
Adolescents, Teenagers, and Dating Violence	p. 110
Abuse of Seniors	p. 114
Preparing for Emergencies
Violent Crisis and Emergency Situations	p. 118
Emergency Plans and Safety Plans	p. 118
If You Leave Home During a Crisis	p. 122
Remaining at Home	p. 124
Taking Care of Children in a Crisis	p. 127
Avoiding Child Abduction	p. 128
Hostage Taking	p. 129
Stalking	p. 130
The Legal Process	p. 133
Civil and Criminal Courts and Protective Orders	p. 134
Protective Orders	p. 135
Criminal Court Procedures	p. 142
Victim-Related Court Concerns	p. 143
Mediation	p. 144
Court Advocates	p. 145
Attorneys	p. 147
Federal Laws and Civil Lawsuits	p. 148
Getting Help After a Crisis
Getting Help Immediately After a Crisis	p. 152
Medical Attention and Evidence	p. 152
Support from Family and Friends	p. 155
Community Resources and Shelters	p. 157
Getting Help for the Longer Term	p. 160
From Victim to Survivor	p. 160
Keeping Safe After a Crisis	p. 161
Money Matters	p. 163
Immigration Help	p. 164
Work Issues	p. 164
Transportation Issues	p. 167
Making the Decision to Stay or Leave
Evaluating Your Relationship	p. 170
The Examination Process	p. 170
Restricting Abuser Communication	p. 174
Abuser Assessment	p. 175
Effects on Children	p. 176
Assessing the Impact on You	p. 177
Examination Do's and Don'ts	p. 178
Evaluation Questions for Victims of Abuse	p. 180
Planning for Change	p. 182
Forming Realistic Expectations	p. 182
Building Alternatives to Abuse	p. 183
Making Goals and Plans	p. 185
Rebuilding Your Sense of Self	p. 186
Establishing Nonabusive Boundaries	p. 187
Taking Action	p. 191
Taking Action	p. 192
The Decision to Stay or to Leave	p. 198
Learning to Heal and Rebuild
Healing and Rebuilding	p. 206
Grief and Abuse	p. 206
After Grief	p. 211
Healing Strategies	p. 213
Long-Term Rebuilding and Restoration Strategies	p. 218
Counseling After Abuse	p. 221
Why Seek Counseling?	p. 221
Choosing a Counselor	p. 223
Programs for Abusers	p. 225
Couples Counseling	p. 228
Depression	p. 231
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)	p. 233
Remaining Abuse-Free
Precautions for Your Protection	p. 236
General Safety Precautions	p. 236
New Dates and Acquaintances	p. 239
New Relationships	p. 240
Precautions for Seniors	p. 240
Rape Safeguards	p. 242
Safeguards to Avoid Child Abduction	p. 243
Maintaining Your Life Free from Abuse	p. 246
Establish and Maintain Financial Security	p. 247
Know Your Legal Rights	p. 249
Maintain Healthy Personal Behaviors	p. 252
Maintain Individual Interests and Relationships	p. 256
Teach Your Children Nonabusive Behavior	p. 266
Welcoming a Life Without Abuse	p. 269
A Heritage of Violence	p. 270
Collaborating in Your Community	p. 274
A Victim's Bill of Rights	p. 276
Resources	p. 277
Notes	p. 280
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