Getting What You Want, and Deserve: From Rotten Bosses, Demanding Spouses, Phony Friends. Prying Parents, Annoying Neighbors, and Other Irritatinging Neighbors, and Other Irritating

by Solomon, Muriel

• ISBN13: 9781558537712
• ISBN10: 1558537716
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-06-01
• Publisher: Harpercollins Christian Pub

Summary

This easy-to-use handbook offers practical solutions to aggravating relationships-relationships #xD; that make you feel angry at others, bad about yourself, and have a negative #xD; impact on your life. You can take control of these situations and come out the #xD; winner. Muriel Solomon shows how to clearly state your goal, explore ways to #xD; achieve it, and develop the strategies and tactics to influence the outcome.

Table of Contents

Introduction	xv
Part A --- Professional Relationships	1	(118)
Bosses	3	(24)
Spare the Ultimatum: Tell Me What You Want
Taming tyrants who freak out when displeased	4	(3)
SOS---I'm Swamped
When excessive assignments are constantly dumped on you	7	(3)
Here's What I'm Worth; Let Me Tell You Why
Overcoming the fear of asking for a raise	10	(3)
Big Brother Is Watching, and It's Disconcerting
When you're angry that the boss monitors your computer usage	13	(3)
I Was Only Trying to Help
Choosing between taking the initiative and being employed	16	(3)
I Don't Intend to Play Your Blame Game
Protecting yourself when you're the scapegoat	19	(3)
It's a Mistake, but It Didn't Merit the Riot Act
Responding to a tongue-lashing you didn't deserve	22	(3)
Do You Mind If I Put That in Writing?
When your boss habitually backs out of a promise	25	(2)
Associates	27	(16)
I Think We Need to Come to an Understanding
Bringing into line challengers to your authority	28	(3)
Let's Pull on the Same End of the Rope
Getting prima donnas to do what's required	31	(3)
Make Peace, Not War
When feuding workers go on the warpath	34	(3)
We Have a Conflict, So Let's Try to Resolve It
Dismissing an unpredictable, potentially dangerous saboteur	37	(3)
No One Likes a Tattletale
Querying informers who may be malicious troublemakers	40	(3)
Colleagues	43	(20)
Say It to My Face or Not at All
Confronting backstabbers and gaining their respect	44	(3)
Don't Even Think about Sandbagging Me Again
Handling an underhanded surprise attack in front of others	47	(2)
Hold Your Fire---We Need to Work Together
When rivals spread rumors or sling mud at you	49	(3)
Stop Stealing from Me!
Reclaiming ideas or turf from thieving colleagues	52	(2)
I Don't Want Any Part of Your Misconduct
When a coworker presses you to do something wrong	54	(2)
Your Jokes Aren't Funny---They're Digs
How to look good after jokers lampoon your achievement	56	(2)
Cease and Desist with the Disses
Using humor when boorish clods enjoy ridiculing you	58	(3)
We Can Salvage This
When partnerships are threatened by intense disagreements	61	(2)
Clients and Customers	63	(16)
I Appreciate Your Business, But...
Handling impatient egotists demanding special treatment	64	(2)
Let's Discuss This in Private
Claming angry folks who are using loud and abusive language	66	(3)
Quit Bullying Me
Stopping unwarranted pestering at home and in the office	69	(3)
It's Time to Fish or Cut Bait
When their vacillating stops the sale	72	(2)
I Made a Mistake; Can We Start Over?
Making amends after you step on someone's sensibilities	74	(2)
This Accusation Doesn't Have Merit
When unfounded attacks can ruin reputations or get you fired	76	(3)
Doctors, Lawyers, and Other Professional Experts	79	(12)
Do You Understand What I Want?
Getting the high and mighty to pay attention to what you're saying	80	(2)
Your Arrogance Is Discomforting to Me
When answers to your queries make you feel stupid	82	(3)
In Plain English, Please
When they speak in terms lay people can't comprehend	85	(3)
Love Your Waiting Room, But...
Voicing your complaint about being kept waiting	88	(3)
Salespersons and Service Providers	91	(16)
You Sold Me a Bad Bill of Goods
How to complain about a product to get results	92	(3)
This Isn't What I Paid For!
How to complain when the service isn't as promised	95	(3)
Excuse Me---Do You Want My Business?
When store clerks and other workers ignore your needs	98	(3)
If You Insist on Talking Down to Me...
Responding to condescending people paid to serve you	101	(2)
Either We Work This Out, or You're Out a Customer
When they won't soften strict policies to accommodate you	103	(4)
Teachers	107	(12)
Did You Know You Were Speeding in a School Zone?
When instructors go too fast and get mad if you ask questions	108	(3)
Because You're Considered an Expert in This Field...
Challenging opinions of instructors who are know-it-alls	111	(2)
Is My Grade Open for Discussion?
How to question a grading system that appears irrational	113	(3)
This Isn't Payback Time: You're Paid to Teach Me
When you're the target of an inexplicable vendetta	116	(3)
Part B --- Personal Relationships	119	(110)
Spouses and Significant Others	121	(18)
Let's Be Fair---You Do Your Share
Balancing the load when you're being overburdened	122	(3)
Clue Me In So We Can Both Decide
When major decisions are made without consulting you	125	(3)
I've Never Been So Embarrassed
Stopping humiliation, especially in front of others	128	(3)
Stop Nagging Me
How to instantly stop continual fault-finding	131	(3)
Please Talk to Me
Breaking the barrier when you get the silent treatment	134	(3)
This Isn't Getting Us Anywhere
When a partner exaggerates your faults with name-calling	137	(2)
Your Ex	139	(14)
It's Time to Move On
When your former partner refuses to let go	140	(3)
Your Threats Aren't Good for Our Kids
How to handle bullying and tyrannizing	143	(2)
They're Our Kids---Not Our Weapons!
When your ex tries to poison the kids' minds against you	145	(3)
Let's Be Fair
Reducing arguments about property settlement	148	(2)
Let's Resolve This, or You'll Be Hearing from My Lawyer
Dealing with your ex's evading judicial decisions	150	(3)
Parents	153	(16)
I'm an Adult; I Can Run My Own Life
When they interfere with the way you handle decisions	154	(2)
Stop the Shame Game
Answering constant jabs that imply the fault is yours	156	(2)
Your Name-Calling Isn't Doing Anyone Any Good
Confronting hurtful name-calling and doomsday predictions	158	(3)
Give Me the Benefit of the Doubt
When parents jump to conclusions without waiting for facts	161	(2)
Why Isn't Anything I Do Good Enough?
Rejecting parental affronts while accepting their support	163	(2)
Please Respect My Time
Handling unreasonable demands made on your free time	165	(2)
I Just Want What's Best for You
When the more you do for older parents, the worse it gets	167	(2)
Teenagers	169	(18)
Let's Be Certain We Understand Each Other
When your kids won't play by your rules	170	(4)
I Hear You and I Want to Help
When they need to learn how to handle painful experiences	174	(4)
Your Walking Away Won't Solve Anything
When ``I don't want to talk about it'' ends the discussion	178	(3)
This Is Your Responsibility---Don't Make It Ours
Gaining cooperation instead of doing their chores	181	(3)
I Didn't Raise You in a Barn
When their mess makes a trail throughout the house	184	(3)
In-Laws and Other Relatives	187	(14)
This Is Really No Concern of Yours
Politely telling meddlers to mind their own business	188	(2)
Your Smugness Is a Real Pain
Coping with know-it-alls	190	(3)
Let's Accept It---You're You; I'm Me
What to say when you're the target of sibling rivalry	193	(2)
At Least Our Dog Likes Us
When whatever you do, you can't please your in-laws	195	(2)
Let It Go
When relatives keep digging up old, unresolved grudges	197	(2)
I Don't Have a Saucer of Milk
Curbing family members who are catty	199	(2)
Friends	201	(14)
I Appreciate Your Opinion, But...
When friends try to run your life	202	(3)
The Glass Is Half Full, Too
When negativists spill ice water on all your ideas	205	(3)
Your Condescending Jokes Are Wearing Thin
When your friends know exactly which buttons to push	208	(2)
That's Not Amusing
Blunting the point of your friend's critical wit	210	(3)
Please Listen to Me
When your friend becomes unsupportive and inattentive	213	(2)
Neighbors	215	(14)
Can You Keep It Down to a Dull Roar?
Dealing with the vein-popping noise from next door	216	(2)
I Know You Must Have Forgotten, But...
Keeping the perennial borrower from taking advantage	218	(2)
I Value Our Friendship, But I've Got to Work, Too
Protecting your time while operating a home-based business	220	(2)
Cut Me Some Slack, Jack
When neighbors are unreasonable and won't budge an inch	222	(3)
Oh Boy, Just What I Wanted
When they bring their dogs to perform in your yard	225	(4)
Part C --- Additional Techniques to Deal with Infuriating Situations	229	(20)
Overcoming the Fear of Approaching Your Boss	231	(4)
Managing Your Own Anger	235	(3)
Lowering Hostility by Retrieving the Right Words	238	(2)
Reducing Worker Frustration with Effective Policies	240	(2)
More Tips for Talking to Teens	242	(3)
In Conclusion: A Dozen Important Reminders	245	(4)
Index	249