Girls' Night Out : Celebrating Women's Groups Across America

by CAMENS, BARBARAKREININ, TAMARA

• ISBN13: 9780609608678
• ISBN10: 0609608673
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2002-08-01
• Publisher: Crown Pub

Summary

"This is my family away from family." "We have supported each other through huge life transitions." "This group has turned me on to more interesting things in this world, in this life, than anyone else." These are the inspiring words of women who have enjoyed the power and emotional support of a women's group.Girls' Night Outcelebrates this vibrant and growing phenomenon in women's lives through moving words and pictures that tell the uplifting stories of a spectacularly diverse set of groups from all across America. "As we have traveled around the United States," write Tamara Kreinin and Barbara Camens, "we have witnessed an explosive interest among women in making enduring connections with other women, not simply through friendships, but through groups. They bring intellectual empowerment; they're a source of celebration and comfort; and they encourage a unique freedom of expression." InGirls' Night Outyou will meet women of all ages who have come together to create the special bond only a long-standing group can offer, from the adventurous African-American motorcyclists who share exciting rides, to the artists who hold group shows of their artwork, to the twenty-something career women who meet regularly to play mah-jongg and vent about work. One group of women in their seventies and eighties has been meeting for more than fifty years! Each chapter captures the essence of a group, recounting the story of how they first got together: "We began as a result of need," says Elizabeth of the Tea Group in Boston"I felt like there was nowhere for me to speak"; how they weather hard times, rallying to support one another: "We act like coaches for one another" says Suzie of the Bridgies in Needham, Massachusetts; and how they celebrate joyful life events together: "When my husband and I decided to get married," recalls Lisa of the Fabulous Group in Oakland, California, "I asked these women to walk me down the aisle." Each group has played a vital role in the lives of its members and offers a remarkably rich source of personal support and enduring friendship. "Now I know I will never be lonely," declares Nancy of the Network in the Hudson River Valley, New York. In an inspiring concluding chapter, the authorswho are both long-standing members of women's groups themselvesoffer a wealth of practical tips on how to start a successful women's group of your own. This unique celebration makes a wonderful gift to pass on to your sisters, neighbors, close friends, and female colleagues. Or, if you're already a member of a women's group, this is the perfect book to share with your fellow members, as inspiration to reflect upon your own group's history and cherished memories.

Author Biography

Barbara Camens is an attorney in her own firm, Barr & Camens, in Washington, D.C., and general counsel to an international union of newspaper journalists. <br><br>Tamara Kreinin is president and CEO of SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States), a nonprofit organization in New York.

Table of Contents

preface	xiii
the GNO phenomenon	1	(14)
Chicks `n' Flicks	15	(14)
Washington, D.C.
Rosh Chodesh	29	(16)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The Crew	45	(14)
Chicago, Illinois
The Mah-jongg Girls	59	(12)
New York, New York
The Bridgies	71	(12)
Needham, Massachusetts
The Tea Group	83	(14)
Boston, Massachusetts
(GNO)2: Greater New Orleans Girls' Night Out	97	(14)
New Orleans, Louisiana
The Phenomenal Ladies Motorcycle Club	111	(12)
Prince Georges County, Maryland
The Mother-Daughter Book Group	123	(10)
Seattle, Washington
The Fabulous Group	133	(14)
Oakland, California
The Network	147	(12)
Hastings-on-Hudson, New York
The Company of Women	159	(16)
Atlanta, Georgia
The Study Group	175	(12)
Detroit, Michigan
The Yoga Circle	187	(10)
East Lansing, Michigan
The Birthday Group	197	(14)
Ada, Oklahoma
conclusion: how to bring a women's group into your life or rejuvenate one that is dear to your heart	211

Excerpts

Chapter 1

Chicks 'n' Flicks

WASHINGTON, D.C.

A braid of garlic hung on the front door, beckoning the Chicks to enter. As the women stepped into the darkened living room, the flicker of candlelight cast distorted shadows on the walls. A huge vase of red roses, barbed with forbidding thorns, sat on an antique sideboard. The dining table, set with a stark white cloth, was covered with black-and-white photographs of New Orleans cemeteries, the cemeteries where Vampire Lestat roamed.

Interview with a Vampire, based on the popular gothic novel by Anne Rice, was the night's flick.

That night the Chicks feasted on New Orleans fare and sank their teeth into a chocolate cake, iced blood red. During dinner the women discussed the appeal of vampires, the edge between evil and desire, between the grotesque and the beautiful. The conversation turned to their own desires. To seduction. Then back to serious film critique.

Chicks 'n' Flicks is a group of nine women in their thirties and forties, one just turned fifty, that gathers each month to discuss a movie. They select the film the month before, then, depending on their schedules, go to the movies together, in small groups or on their own. Over dinner, they assess. Thumbs up, thumbs down?

"As I recall, the idea for starting a women's group around movies took hold when I had just finished some big projects, an International Women's Film Festival, and producing a feature film," explains Robin, a video film producer and the group's founder. "I wanted a way to stay connected to film and connected to these women with whom I had worked so intensely. And because I wanted to expand my circle of friends, I invited some women who did not work in film. Women I wanted to get to know better."

The diverse group of women Robin brought together loved the idea. Many were involved with politics, public relations, video and news production, or other careers that entail heavy travel. They thought seeing a movie once a month and then convening to discuss it was a commitment they could manage, easier than a book group.

It worked. The first film, House of Spirits, was discussed on Robin's living-room floor in Adams Morgan, a multiethnic neighborhood just above downtown Washington, D.C. Eight years later, the group continues to meet. "Robin was the perfect person to begin this group, and to bring people together who didn't all know each other," explains Nisha. "She is the quintessential entertainer and friend. Everyone loves going to her home."

The evening always begins with snatches of conversation. The Chicks catch up on each other's lives, offer first impressions of the film, and recount stories from their recent travels. They sit down to dinner, and invariably Sue Lin focuses the conversation. "Okay, let's talk about the movie." The women discuss their reactions to the story line, the development of the characters, their thoughts about the cinematography and music. Nothing too intellectual, nothing too organized, perhaps even three conversations going at once, but lots of opinions, even from those who haven't managed to see the movie. "When you go to a movie," Darlene comments, "you lose yourself in another person's existence for two hours. This group allows you to prolong that experience. It's a total diversion."

The women often look for movies that will transport them far away from their workaday lives. The Thomas Crown Affair was one movie that provided just such sought-after escape. The gentleman-thief, portrayed by Pierce Brosnan, had enough money and style to get away with anything, including an art heist. The glamorous female insurance investigator, played by the enviably cool and beautiful Rene Russo, proved a worthy opponent. "These may not be characters we identified with," Jen says, "but, boy, were they characters we wanted to be. Even for a day." Robin adds wistfully, "I just wanted to look like that woman, with her sexy skirts and buttery leather jackets. I started working out at the gym just to get her triceps."

"It would be stressful and intimidating if the women expected rigorous film critique," offers Darlene. "But it's just so relaxed and comfortable. And sometimes it's just plain silly." A criminal prosecutor in a homicide unit, Darlene is the group's proud aficionado of trashy tabloids and the underworld.

The selection of the next month's movie is always done by consensus. The Chicks throw out ideas, naming the flicks they'd like to see, and providing mini reviews of those they have seen. Sue Lin pulls out the newspaper to be sure that no movie is overlooked. Each must be considered carefully. With all available information on the table, the narrowing down begins. If there is no obvious choice, the Chicks might take a vote. But if one woman lobbies hard for a particular film for whatever reason, the rest of the group relents. Unless, of course, that woman is Darlene.

"There was the time when we let Darlene pick," explains Jen, mischievously. "But that was before she sent us to the worst movie ever, Heavenly Creatures. Two young girls bludgeon their mother to death. We didn't let her vote for months."

In truth, the movie is often selected as much on the basis of the dinner that can be served as on the merits of the film. "We began with the simple concept of just seeing a movie and discussing it over dinner," explains Robin, "but then we started designing menus based on the movie. And then invitations, table settings, and other decorations." Interview with a Vampire was the first of such imaginative evenings.

Primary Colors, a comedy that explores the scandalous world of presidential politics, served as the perfect inspiration for another Chicks 'n' Flicks evening. Invitations were sent on "Bill and Hillary" postcards. Penned in red and blue ink, each card doled out an assignment: chicken wings to Sue Lin, potato salad to Jen, baked beans to Pilar, corn bread to Darlene. Tamara brought back a slab of ribs from a southern business trip; Robin fried ten pounds of chicken. And to top it off, Lucy baked an all-American apple pie. There is no Arkansas beer, so they settled for Dixie, from New Orleans. The patriotic party decor was easy-white paper tablecloth, blue-and-red paper plates. The Chicks unearthed political mementos from years past: hats, pins, and banners from many a campaign. Above the decked-out scene, American flags were flown.

Ever mindful of its members' hectic lives, the group makes sure that no one person has to carry the burden of cooking. Food assignments are always shared. That is, of course, unless the movie is an Indian film requiring a sumptuous Indian feast. Then Nisha or her mother is expected to produce. Born in India, both are fabulous cooks. "We quickly realized that we would see any Indian film, even a bad one, just so Nisha would cook for us," admits Lucy. She describes the night Kama Sutra was the chosen flick. "A whole table covered with Indian delicacies. Spicy curries, biryanis, samosas, and chutneys. And Nisha modeling several new saris she had just brought back from India."

Pilar, born in Panama, claims all Latin films. Strawberries and Chocolate, a sensual portrayal of an artist's life in modern-day Havana, was the first. Dinner was traditional arroz con pollo, roast chicken with rice. And, of course, there were strawberries and chocolate for dessert. Throughout the evening, the women discussed the film's arresting beauty, the cinematography, the city's pale light. Eventually the discussion turned to politics. Everyone voiced an opinion about the political situation in Cuba, and Cuba's diplomatic relations with the United States.

Nine women. Nine opinions, all voiced with conviction but cloaked in good humor. The diversity of opinion is rooted in vastly different cultures and life experiences. The women come from circumstances of both privilege and deprivation. As they themselves recognize, the fusion of these cultures and disparities creates something rich and expansive.

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Excerpted from Girls' Night Out: Celebrating Women's Groups Across America by Barbara Camens, Tamara Kreinin
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.