Good Kids, Tough Choices : How Parents Can Help Their Children Do the Right Thing

by Kidder, Rushworth M.

• ISBN13: 9780470547625
• ISBN10: 0470547626
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2010-09-28
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass

Summary

Parents are beginning to realize that deficiencies in ethics and character are becoming a big problem among our nation's children. For example, late-breaking research shows that: Kids learn to lie when they're about 3, and by 8 have a habit that's hard to break By the time they are pre-teens or adolescents, most children are Fully Skilled Lie Tellers 60% of 12-17 years old say they have friends who cheat at school. 98% of teens lie to their parents about a range of topics, from alcohol and drug use, to how they spend their money and where it comes from. Including honors students and athletes. This is not, says the author, some kind of normal evolutionary survival behavior but a grave wrong turn that is learned and implanted at various key periods of our neurological and psychological development.So what can parents do? The author shows how to customize interventions to a child's age, temperament. He encourages parents not to give up, since what they do can always make a difference, regardless of how long or deep the bad habits of dishonesty may be. His program includes the encouragement to: Intervene early and often. Playing catch-up is impossible, as far as the teaching of ethics is concerned. Teach ethics from early childhood to young adulthood. It cannot be outsourced to teachers, coaches, or caregivers. Put "honesty" as the characteristic they most want their kids to have. Take advantage of brief crucial windows of opportunity when parents can and should intervene for long-lasting impact on character and moral development. Teach Honesty, as well as Responsibility, Respect, Fairness, and Compassion.All of Kidder's practical advice is based on the latest psychological and neuroscientific research about how kids develop character and learn what's right and wrong.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. ix
Introduction: Three Lenses for Ethical Parenting	p. 1
How to Use This Book	p. 3
What If I Face Ethical Dilemmas of My Own?	p. 6
Raising Kids in Today's Moral Environment	p. 9
What the Research Tells Us	p. 10
Why Parents Make a Difference	p. 19
Birth Through Age Four	p. 31
Branson and the Gold Coins	p. 31
Teaching Responsibility	p. 42
Playing According to Your Own Rules	p. 54
Loren Wrecks the Train	p. 62
Ages Five Through Nine	p. 71
Teaching Thrift in an Age of Opulence	p. 71
Teaching Ethics Through Principles	p. 82
Ethics and Peer Pressure	p. 88
Ages Ten Through Fourteen	p. 93
Resolving Ethical Dilemmas	p. 93
Zero Tolerance	p. 105
Avoiding Bystander Apathy	p. 118
Showing Moral Courage	p. 128
Ages Fifteen Through Eighteen	p. 135
Finding the Third Way	p. 137
A Sexual Crisis	p. 143
Caught Stealing	p. 149
Confronting Parental Weakness	p. 160
Explaining Divorce	p. 168
Ages Nineteen Through Twenty-Three	p. 177
Counseling, Not Controlling	p. 179
Supporting Your Daughter or Saving Your Grandchildren	p. 186
The Difference Between Courage and Stubbornness	p. 195
Conclusion	p. 207
How Emotion and Morality Interact	p. 211
Using the Moral Toolkit	p. 215
Top Ten Tips for Ethical Parenting	p. 218
Notes	p. 221
Glossary	p. 227
Further Reading	p. 235
About the Author	p. 237
Questions for Discussion	p. 239
Index	p. 247
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