The Government Manual for New Superheroes

by Brozik, Matthew David; Weinstein, Jacob Sager

• ISBN13: 9780740754623
• ISBN10: 0740754629
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-09-01
• Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing

Summary

The Government Manual for New Superheroes is a hilarious, mock-official handbook that offers thorough, accessible, and completely zany advice for anyone who has always dreamed of donning a skintight spandex uniform and leaping across the rooftops of th

Table of Contents

Memorandum from Dr. Jane Loudermilk, Undersecretary of Superheroics	xiii
Foreword	xvii
Choosing Your Superhero Name	1	(16)
Not Answering to Your Civilian Name	2	(1)
The Four Common Varieties	3	(3)
A Word on Hyphenation	3	(1)
And a Word on Adjectives	4	(1)
A Caution About Honorifics	5	(1)
A Caution About Ambiguity	6	(1)
What Your Name Should Say About You	6	(3)
The Epithet: An Extra Bit of Bluster	8	(1)
The Epithet: An Additional Use	8	(1)
Rule: First Originated, First Named	9	(3)
Exception to the Rule	10	(2)
Demeanor the Better	12	(2)
Adjusting Your Attitude	13	(1)
Keep It Simple, Superhero	14	(1)
Remember Which Side You Are On	15	(2)
For the Stranger to This World: Choosing a Human Name	15	(2)
Donning Your Costume	17	(14)
Buyer Beware	17	(1)
Materials	18	(2)
A Table	19	(1)
A Word on Modesty	19	(1)
Costume Design	20	(4)
Insignia as Target?	23	(1)
Insignia	24	(4)
Another Table	26	(1)
The Strange Case of Mr. Mandelbrot, The Chaos Crusader	26	(2)
Costume Construction (and Repair)	28	(1)
Changing into Your Costume	29	(2)
Equipping Yourself for Superheroics	31	(14)
Not Every Superhero Runs	32	(1)
The Basics	33	(1)
Where to Stick It	33	(1)
Survival of the Outfittest	34	(3)
Local Notions	36	(1)
Specialized Equipment	37	(2)
Signature Equipment	38	(1)
New and/or Improved Equipment	39	(3)
Holy Pointed Lesson!	40	(2)
Keep Your Equipment Clean (and Loaded)	42	(3)
Establishing Your Base of Operations	45	(14)
The Real-Estate Agent's Rallying Cry	46	(2)
Another Two-Hundred-Penny-Saving Tip	47	(1)
Protecting Property Values	48	(2)
If You Must Live in a City	49	(1)
A Superhero's Giant Flaming Sword of Justice Is His or Her Castle	50	(2)
Owning Versus Renting	52	(1)
Legal Precautions	52	(3)
Fortifying Your Fortress	55	(1)
Beauty Is Truth, Truth Beauty	56	(1)
Better, Faster, Stronger	56	(3)
Not to Mention Smarter	57	(2)
Maintaining (and Revealing) Your Secret Identity	59	(14)
Which Comes First?	60	(1)
How to Keep a Secret	61	(3)
Declining Credit	64	(1)
The Coincidence Conundrum	64	(2)
Dealing with the Secret Sharer	65	(1)
Whom to Tell	66	(4)
Breaking the News	68	(2)
Expect Some Resistance	70	(1)
The Upside of Revelation	71	(2)
Taking (or Becoming) a Sidekick	73	(12)
A Sidekick Is Not for Every Superhero	73	(2)
With Great Authority Comes Great Accountability	74	(1)
Screening and Selecting a Sidekick	75	(2)
Pet Names	76	(1)
Leaving the Kid at Home	77	(1)
Starting Out as a Sidekick	78	(1)
The Apprentice System	79	(2)
Special Considerations	80	(1)
The Responsibilities of a Sidekick	81	(2)
Leaving the Nest	82	(1)
No One Succeeds Like a Sidekick	83	(2)
Teaming Up	85	(14)
Super-Allies Wanted	86	(3)
Avoiding Embarrassment	88	(1)
Finding a Good Fit	89	(2)
The Sad Story of the Birds of a Feather	90	(1)
Dealing with Rejection	91	(1)
Team Tactics	92	(4)
Rallying Cries	96	(1)
Team Dynamics	97	(2)
Making Enemies	99	(12)
A Glossary of Bad (Abridged)	100	(2)
Starting Small	102	(1)
Choosing Your Particular Enemies	103	(1)
Identifying Your Nemesis	104	(3)
Wooing Your Nemesis from Another Superhero	105	(2)
Where to Meet a Nemesis (and What to Say)	107	(1)
Ending It	108	(3)
Afterword	111	(4)
Appendix A: Worldwide Superhero Unions	115	(4)
Appendix B: Other Publications Available	119	(2)
Sample Registration Form	121	(2)
Index	123	(14)
About the Authors	137