Guys Write for Guys Read

by Scieszka, Jon

• ISBN13: 9780670060078
• ISBN10: 0670060070
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2005-04-21
• Publisher: Viking Juvenile

Summary

There's Something for Every Guy in this rich collection of stories, minimemoirs, advice, poems, comics, and drawings. Chosen by readers on the Guys Read Web site, contributors include world-famous writers, illustrators, and editors of such boy-favorite publications as Sports Illustrated, Esquire, and The Onion. Here is an irresistibly readable book, filled with defining guy moments-funny, sad, triumphant, or humiliating.

Author Biography

Multiple award-winning author Jon Scieszka grew up in Flint, Michigan, the second oldest and the nicest of six boys. Jon went to school at Culver Military Academy in Indiana where he was a Lieutenant; Albion College in Michigan where he studied to be a doctor; and Columbia University in New York, where he got a M.F.A. in fi ction. He taught elementary school in New York for ten years in a variety of positions. In addition to his work as an author, Jon also runs a web-based literacy program called “Guys Read” that is designed to encourage boys, particularly reluctant readers, to get involved with books. Currently, he lives in Brooklyn, NY with his wife and two kids.

Recently, Jon was named the country’s first National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature, a joint effort of the Library of Congress and the Children’s Book Council. During his two-year role as Ambassador, he will act as a spokesperson for children’s literature, speaking to groups of parents, teachers, and children to encourage the importance of reading.

Table of Contents

Foreword	p. 11
The Truth about the World	p. 13
My Maturity, in Flames	p. 15
Stone = Throw	p. 22
Superpatriot	p. 25
The Crossing	p. 28
Reading Can Be Dangerous	p. 30
My Entire Football Career	p. 33
Only a Game	p. 36
Gondwanaland	p. 38
E, A Minor, B7	p. 42
My Brilliant Invention	p. 45
A Real Guy	p. 48
My Life of Crime	p. 51
Triplets	p. 54
The Legend of Tripod	p. 58
"O" Foods	p. 61
What I'm Telling You Is the Truth	p. 65
The Rules	p. 69
Any Questions, Class?	p. 71
Guide for Guys	p. 72
Why Books Are Dangerous	p. 74
The Follower	p. 79
The Red Fire Engine	p. 84
There Must Be a Mistake	p. 86
Thwacked	p. 88
My Superpowers	p. 91
My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad	p. 94
Let's Go to the Videotape	p. 100
Boys, Beer, Barf, and Bonding	p. 105
Shooting the Breeze	p. 108
Principals and Principles	p. 112
A Great, Big, Beautiful World	p. 114
My French Teacher Tried to Kill Me	p. 117
Learning How to Be a Boy	p. 119
Lightning Man	p. 122
A Casualty of War	p. 124
Wrestling with Reading	p. 127
from On Writing	p. 133
Pop	p. 135
Guy Things	p. 137
Role-Playing and Discovery	p. 141
Busted	p. 144
Copies	p. 146
When All Bicycles Were Black	p. 149
The Pellet in the Paint Can	p. 152
Unfinished Business	p. 156
Daydreams	p. 163
Lucky Dave	p. 166
Anything Can Happen	p. 169
No, David!	p. 174
Dead Body	p. 176
It All Began with Books	p. 180
from How Angel Peterson Got His Name	p. 183
The 1928 Packard	p. 185
Lone Ranger	p. 188
A Day at the Zoo	p. 192
Boys Are Big Experts	p. 195
"Funny You Should Ask" from The Life of Reilly	p. 196
The Death of a Writer	p. 202
Sweet Dreams	p. 204
Maybe Yeah, Maybe Nah	p. 207
Bufos	p. 209
Brothers	p. 214
Guyifesto-Who We Are!	p. 217
The Day I Threw the Trivia Bowl	p. 221
Bringing Up 'Saur Subjects	p. 224
Roy G. Biv	p. 228
The Hammer and the Bullet	p. 230
The Masque of the Red Death	p. 233
Reading and Relating	p. 236
The Dragon in the Big Glommy Castle	p. 238
Bombs, Girls	p. 240
Conduct	p. 243
The Fire Escape	p. 246
My First Step to the White House	p. 248
Give a Guy a Newspaper	p. 251
Eat Dirt	p. 254
Training the Bear	p. 256
Pals Forever: Me, Bobby Fisher, and the Hardy Boys	p. 259
Aw, Nuts!	p. 262
"Puzzle Pieces" from The Lost Garden	p. 264
Heartbeat	p. 266
I Was Young in the Old Days	p. 270
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

Foreword

Hey guys—now here is something for you to read. A bunch of pieces by a bunch of guys . . . all about being a guy. Some are memories. Some are stories. Some are just pieces of art these guys drew when they were your age.

So look around in here for something you like. You don’t have to read in any order. You don’t have to like everything you read. You don’t even have to read everything. But you do have to complete the quiz at the end of each section, and write an essay on each about—

Just kidding.

That’s exactly what this collection is not. It is not required reading. It’s reading to find what you like. And I know you are going to find something in here, because these things are funny, action-packed, sad, goofy, gross, touching, stupid, true, and all very short.

Thanks to all of the guys who donated their thoughts about being a guy to this anthology. All the money from this work goes to support my nonprofit literacy program called Guys Read.

And it built the new Web site at www.guysread.com.

Check it out.

Find what you like.

Jon Scieszka

Brooklyn, New York

2005

Robert Siegel

The Day I Threw the Trivia Bowl

I have a confession to make: I threw the Trivia Bowl.

The year was 1988. The place, eleventh grade.

In 1988, as an academically advanced (read: geeky) sixteen-year-old, my primary objective in life was the maintenance of my low profile among classmates. I did not want to stick out in any way, especially for anything that had even the faintest whiff of dorkery.

Problem was, I happened to be the captain of a formidable four-man Trivia Bowl team that was to represent the school at the countywide Trivia Bowl competition. For a boy prone to nightmares of academic achievement–related mockery, this was not good.

The night before the Trivia Bowl, I was freaking. I imagined that if we won, they would proudly announce it over the intercom to the entire school during homeroom. This is what they did whenever someone did something notable. I imagined all the kids pointing and laughing at the trivia dork. This prospect terrified me beyond words.

And yet, another part of me desperately wanted to win the Trivia Bowl. I loved trivia and, even more, I loved winning at stuff. It was a terrible dilemma.

The day of the competition comes. We burst out of the gate strongly. What is the capital of Nepal? Kathmandu. What is the largest animal that has ever lived? The blue whale. By the end of the first round, we were in second place and, thanks to a furious late run, had momentum squarely on our side. I was excited, but all the while in the back of my mind, I was imagining that dreaded homeroom announcement.

Things go even better (or worse) in Round Two. We take the lead. As the competition heads toward the finish, it becomes clear that it’s a two-team race. Us versus our hated rivals from Massapequa. We go back and forth, trading blows like Foreman and Ali.

It all comes down to one question. If we get it right, we win; if we miss, they have the chance to answer for the win.

“Who shot Robert F. Kennedy?”

Uh-oh. I know it.

No one else on my team knows. They all look at me expectantly. I am well-known amongst them as the assassination expert. They assume I will blurt out the answer, which, of course, is Sirhan B. Sirhan. I hem and haw. What’s going on? they are clearly wondering. Rob doesn’t know? After what seems like an eternity, I give my answer:

“Jack Ruby?”

“I’m sorry, that’s not correct.”

Massapequa pounces and gets it right. My teammates and I watch as they hold aloft the 1988 Trivia Bowl trophy in sweet victory.

The whole ride home, I wrestled with my decision to blow the Trivia Bowl. I felt terrible about what I did, but at least I would avoid homeroom humiliation. Right?

Wrong. The next morning in homeroom:

“Congratulations to eleventh-graders Robert Siegel, Mark Roth, Adam Frankel, and Dan Eckert for their valiant effort yesterday in the countywide Trivia Bowl competition, in which they placed second.”

Not only was I a dork, I was a losing dork.

The moral of the story is, if you’re ever in a Trivia Bowl, don’t throw it. Either way, they’re gonna announce it in homeroom, so you might as well win.

Biography

Grew up:Merrick, New York (Long Island)

Now lives:Manhattan

Random fact:Has never burped

Occupation:Former Editor in Chief ofThe Onion

Selected Bibliography:

Our Dumb Century: “The Onion” Presents 100 Years of Head-lines from American’s

Finest News Sourcewith The Onion, Inc.

Dispatches from the Tenth Circle: The Best of “The Onion”with The Onion, Inc.

“The Onion” Ad Nauseamnews archives with The Onion, Inc.