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| Acknowledgments | p. 9 |
| Introduction | p. 11 |
| Cleanliness Is next to Godliness | p. 15 |
| Children Are What They Eat | p. 28 |
| You Can't Take It with You | p. 40 |
| Better Late Than Never | p. 50 |
| Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry | p. 66 |
| Finders, Keepers; Losers, Weepers | p. 77 |
| Father Knows Best | p. 86 |
| You Can't Get Pregnant While Breast-Feeding | p. 97 |
| There's No Place like Home | p. 109 |
| Silence Is Golden | p. 123 |
| You're Not Getting Older, You're Getting Better | p. 133 |
| You Can Work at Home and Earn $1,000 a Week | p. 147 |
| M&M's Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hand | p. 161 |
| You, Too, Can Be a Superwoman | p. 174 |
| Better Safe Than Sorry | p. 183 |
| A Dog Is a Man's Best Friend | p. 195 |
| And They Lived Happily Ever After | p. 206 |
| Family Values Can Be Found at Wal-Mart | p. 216 |
| Imitation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery | p. 228 |
| Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Will Never Hurt Me | p. 235 |
| Rules Are Made to Be Broken | p. 246 |
| The Best Things in Life Are Free | p. 259 |
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