Healing Conversations What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say

by Guilmartin, Nance

• ISBN13: 9780470603550
• ISBN10: 0470603550
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2010-05-17
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass

Summary

Whether it's the loss of a job, a marriage, or a life, in today's 24/7 world we're increasingly faced with uncomfortable situations where we don't know what to say yet we're called upon to quickly respond -- online or in person. We may fumble, avoid contact, or simply walk away perplexed, thinking we have done a bad job of responding to our friends, family, neighbors, clients, and co-workers. How do we pause, listen, and offer comfort in those hard moments? Filled with touching stories, this practical guide helps us step into someone else's shoes so that we can empathetically learn how to respond in times of need. The revised compact edition includes a new introduction, index and short reflections at the end of each chapter to help readers become more comfortable and effective when offering or accepting comfort in their demanding lives.

Author Biography

Nance Guilmartin is a four-time regional Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist, speaker, business advisor, executive coach, and community service advocate. As a Westinghouse Broadcasting executive, she helped launch national initiatives, including the Designated Driver Program and the For Kids' Sake and Time to Care campaigns. Prior to her television career, she was press secretary to the late U.S. Senator Paul Tsongas. Her listening skills developed as a young news writer at CBS radio in Boston. Today she challenges organizations and executives to achieve breakthroughs and unlock hidden opportunities.

Table of Contents

A Preface for Changing Times (2010)	p. ix
An Invitation to Healing Conversations	p. xiii
Getting Started: Supporting others without fixing, rescuing, or judging	p. xvii
When You Need a Friend	p. 1
Please, Don't Ask Me How I Am, Unless...: Beginning a healing conversation	p. 2
Using the Rule of Six: Asking for help	p. 6
Just Listen: After a sudden loss	p. 10
Rediscovering Empathy: What comforts you may not comfort someone else	p. 13
It'll Be OK, Sugarplum: Being a light at the end of the tunnel	p. 17
Mommy, Will He Be OK?: Helping children face their fears and yours	p. 19
Asking One Friend to Help Another: When you don't have the answers	p. 24
Before and After the Move: Emotional attics and new road maps	p. 28
It's Not What You Think: The hidden hurts of bankruptcy	p. 32
Who Am I If I'm Not Who I Was?: After a life-changing event	p. 36
It's Over: A relationship ends	p. 40
Anniversaries of Loss: Special dates to remember	p. 43
Reflection: Tuning Out of Your Head, Tuning In to Your Heart	p. 46
Health Matters	p. 49
Test Results: Getting the news or waiting to hear	p. 50
Peaceful Warrior: When you want to help deal with a diagnosis	p. 54
Facing Surgery: Before, during, and after	p. 58
Paciencia: Recovering from depression	p. 62
Is the Doctor In?: Making the most of your time as a patient or as a doctor	p. 66
What's the Difference Between a Cure and Healing?: Living with chronic pain	p. 69
What About Me?: Supporting the caregiver	p. 74
Second Sight: When a disability becomes an ability	p. 77
After the Accident: Fears remain	p. 81
A Cry for Help: Responding to attempted suicide	p. 84
Reflection: How to Be with Someone Who's in Pain	p. 89
Transitions: Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul	p. 93
"We're Getting Divorced": Appreciating what you may not understand	p. 94
Be a Friend, Not a Hero: Helping someone deal with verbal abuse	p. 98
I Don't Want to Be a Burden: Supporting the widowed spouse	p. 106
Splinters, Mice, and Little Things: Learning to live alone	p. 110
Broken Hearts and Burnt Offerings: When a gift offers a reservoir of care	p. 113
Plant Closings and Pink Slips: Taking away their jobs but not their dignity	p. 115
Trapezes: Being laid off, fired, or acquired	p. 118
What Is Enough?: Retirement as a way of life	p. 122
I Know Her Name: Living with Alzheimer's	p. 125
The Long Goodbye: When death takes its time	p. 129
He Knows He's About to Die: Visiting a friend in a hospice	p. 133
Reflection: Being with Their Silence-and Yours	p. 137
Lost Loves and Special Friends	p. 139
Leo the Cat: Putting a "four-footed angel" to sleep	p. 140
When You Don't Get the Chance to Say Goodbye: Unfinished feelings	p. 144
Best-Laid Plans: When last wishes clash with the needs of the living	p. 148
It's a Blessing, Really: When death brings relief	p. 151
Take a Friend to Lunch: Writing the obituary	p. 153
Oh, Damn! Did Anybody Bring a Knife?: Scattering ashes	p. 156
When Mom Leaves: A gift of poetry	p. 161
Honoring Paul Tsongas: Writing a eulogy	p. 163
Notes to Keep a Memory Alive: A letter to the children	p. 166
When a Young Child Dies: A parent's bewilderment lingers	p. 168
Frail Submarines: When someone chooses suicide	p. 174
When Tragedy Inspires Action: Responding to a sudden death	p. 178
Grief Unburied: Sorrow returns in waves	p. 182
Reflection: Sometimes There Are No Words	p. 185
Epilogue: In the End: Healing Takes Time	p. 189
Appreciations	p. 195
The Author	p. 199
Index	p. 201
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