The Hipster Handbook

by LANHAM, ROBERT

• ISBN13: 9781400032013
• ISBN10: 1400032016
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-02-04
• Publisher: Anchor

Summary

hipster - \hip-stur (s)\ n. One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. (Note: it is no longer recommended that one use the term "cool"; a Hipster would instead say "deck.") The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitsch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat. Clues You Are a Hipster 1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration. 2. You frequently use the term "postmodern" (or its commonly used variation"PoMo") as an adjective, noun, and verb. 3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses. 4. You have refined taste and consider yourself exceptionally cultured, but have one pop vice (ElimiDATE, Quiet Riot, andEntertainment Weeklyare popular ones) that helps to define you as well-rounded. 5. You have kissed someone of the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation. 6. You spend much of your leisure time in bars and restaurants with monosyllabic names like Plant, Bound, and Shine. 7. You bought your dishes and a checkered tablecloth at a thrift shop to be kitschy, and often throw vegetarian dinner parties. 8. You have one Republican friend whom you always describe as being your "one Republican friend." 9. You enjoy complaining about gentrification even though you are responsible for it yourself. 10. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks. 11. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, and Drag City. From the Trade Paperback edition.

Author Biography

<b>About the Author <br></b><br>Robert Lanham is the author of the romantic series known as <b>The Emerald Beach Trilogy</b> which includes the works <b>Pre-Coitus</b>, <b>Coitus</b>, and <b>Aftermath</b>. This collection of novels was recently called “a beach towel classic” by Redbook. Robert has a great body and often drives shirtless in his Camaro. He brushes his teeth several times daily, but is nevertheless prone to cavities. He is currently the Editor of FREEwilliamsburg, which can be found online at www.freewilliamsburg.com. He lives in Brooklyn, New York and works at Foot Locker on the weekends.<br><br><b>About the Art Director <br><br></b>Bret Nicely's theories linking artistic practices with sandwich making buttressed much of the cultural output of the

Table of Contents

Everything That Once Was Cool Is Now Deck	1	(1)
11 Clues You Are a Hipster	2	(1)
11 Clues You Are Not a Hipster	3	(1)
Who Says ``Tubular'' Anymore?	4	(7)
Phrases and Terms Avoided by Hipsters	11	(1)
Core Elements of Hipsterdom	12	(2)
Hipster Personality Type: The UTF (Unemployed Trust-Funder)	14	(3)
Styles Hipsters Avoid	17	(1)
What About Indie Rockers?	18	(2)
Hipsters and Non-Hipsters in History: Separating the Deck from the Fin	20	(6)
Hipster Personality Type: The Clubber	26	(3)
Dining, Diet, and Dinner Parties	29	(3)
Hipster Personality Type: The Loner	32	(3)
The Cosmopolitan Cosmopolitan: Choosing a Bar	35	(4)
The Perfect Bronson	39	(1)
Finely Brewed for Greasers: Beers Hipsters Avoid	39	(1)
Deck Chowder: Hipster Cocktails	40	(1)
Midtown Happy Hour: Cocktails Hipsters Avoid	41	(1)
Gotta Light? Hipster Cigarettes	41	(1)
Hipster Personality Type: The Schmooze	42	(4)
Hipster Grooming: More Than a Matter of Style	46	(3)
Follicles, Pores, and Flubber: Grooming, Makeup, and Surgery for the Hipster Female	49	(3)
Hipster Hairdos for Men	52	(2)
Hipster Hairdos for Women	54	(2)
Hipster Personality Types: Maxwells, Carpets, and CK-1s	56	(5)
Tattoos: They've Gone Suburban	61	(3)
Pierce Wisely	64	(1)
Metal as Fuck	65	(1)
Hipster Personality Type: The Wash (Waitstaff and Service Hipster)	66	(3)
Waddup Bitch?! Hipsters and Their Greetings	69	(8)
www.thehipsterhandbook.com and Other Deck Sites	77	(1)
Hipster Magazines	78	(1)
Hipster Personality Type: The Neo-Crunch	79	(4)
A Day in the Life (Slacker Style)	83	(7)
Hipster Personality Type: The Teeter	90	(3)
Indigenous Zones of the Hipster in the United States and Canada	93	(1)
The Ivy Leagues for Hipsters	93	(6)
Hipster Personality Type: The Polit	99	(3)
Working for the Man	102	(8)
The Job Interview	110	(2)
Hipster Personality Type: The Bipster	112	(4)
Hipster Music: I Want My MTV Disconnected	116	(10)
Hipster Literature: If You Haven't Read These Works, at Least Pretend You Have	126	(6)
Hipster Cinema: Rolling Out the Red Carpet, or The Oscars Suck Ass	132	(5)
Matters of the Heart: Dating a Hipster	137	(3)
Some Common (and Uncommon) Pairings in Dating	140	(8)
Dating a Non-Hipster	148	(3)
The Aging Hipster	151	(9)
The Questionnaire: Are You a Hipster?	160	(7)
Behind the Scenes: It Takes a Village	167

Excerpts

Everything That Once Was Cool Is Now Deck

You've seen them all over town with their mop-top haircuts, swinging retro pocketbooks, talking on cell phones, smoking European cigarettes, shading their eyes behind bug-eyed lenses, and strutting in platform shoes with a biography of Che sticking out of their bags. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes, and nationalities. Beck is one. Jack Kerouac was one. Meg from the White Stripes is one. And the girl at work in the Jackie-O dress is one too. You may even be one yourself. From New York to New Zealand, Hipsters are everywhere. Welcome to The Hipster Handbook, the first guide to what it means to be a Hipster.

Since Hipsters are a vital part of the international social fabric, this book is for everyone. If you are a Hipster yourself, carry it in your back pocket or in your purse. Excuse yourself to the bathroom during that important party and brush up on the correct lingo by consulting our glossary. Even Hipsters need a refresher course from time to time, and you wouldn't want to be throwing out dated slang like "grody" or "wicked" when mixing with other Hipsters in the know.

If you are not a Hipster, but want to learn more about this ubiquitous genus, this book is for you too. We will teach you how to spot Hipsters, how to interact with them, and how to better understand their unique culture. If you are a parent with Hipster children, this book will help you understand and maybe even talk to your children. You'll also become just a little more deck in the process. If you are a scientist, we hope you'll use our anthropological studies as a starting point to document the phenomenon of this emerging human archetype. Our research garnered us a nomination for the Margaret Mead Award in 2001.

And finally, this book is for those among you who want to become Hipsters yourselves. Anyone can become one with the proper education. Study this book and complete the questionnaire at the end and you will be on your way.

But perhaps we are being too kind in saying this book is for everyone. Some people are clearly hopeless. If you are a neo-Nazi and accessorize with an automatic weapon, this book is not for you. If you have appeared in the Girls Gone Wild video series, this book is not for you. If you go to tanning salons, this book is not for you. If you listen to Slipknot and have ever been to the Warped Tour, this book is not for you. And perhaps most important, if you are wearing a sweatshirt that has a Disney character on it, this book is not for you.

For everyone else, we present the long-overdue documentation of what it means to be deck-or, depending on your age, groovy, nifty, fresh, chic, savvy, fly, bodacious, jazzy, cool, righteous, hip, and hep. This is the motherfucking Hipster handbook.

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Excerpted from The Hipster Handbook by Robert Lanham
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.