How Can You Tell If You're Really in Love?

by Gordon, Sol

• ISBN13: 9781580624725
• ISBN10: 1580624723
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2001-03-01
• Publisher: Adams Media Corp

Summary

Helps readers determine if they are in the right relationship, develop healthy interpersonal habits, and form a personal definition of love.

Author Biography

Dr. Sol Gordon has appeared on numerous television shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Sixty Minutes, and Today. He is Professor Emeritus of Child and Family Studies at Syracuse University as well as former director of the University's Institute for Family Research and Education. He is widely known for his work and lectures on sexuality, family studies, relationships, and suicide prevention. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xi
Introduction	xii
What Is Love?	1	(14)
Mature and Immature Love	4	(1)
The Process of Mature Love	5	(5)
The Ecstatic and Erratic Nature of Love	10	(1)
The ``Match Made in Heaven'' Myth	11	(1)
Building Self-Confidence in a Satisfying Relationship	12	(1)
Relationship Warning Signs	13	(1)
One Secret of Lasting Relationships	13	(2)
Why Do So Many People Fall In Love with the Wrong Person?	15	(20)
Doubts about Love are Expected	16	(1)
How Do I Know If My Partner Is Wrong for Me?	17	(2)
What Are Some Signs That a Partner Is Wrong for You?	19	(1)
Deciding to Stay or to Let Go	20	(1)
Confused about Love	20	(4)
Blind Love	24	(1)
Destructive Cycles: Falling In and Out of Love	25	(1)
Love Disaster Predictors	26	(1)
The Myth: Four Stages of Love	27	(1)
Destructive ``Love'' Relationships	28	(1)
Jealousy	29	(1)
Cultural Pressures	30	(5)
Durable Relationships	35	(10)
A Lasting Love That Developed Slowly	35	(3)
More Secrets about Durable Relationships	38	(1)
Four Marriages	38	(7)
When Is the Best Time to Commit to Someone?	45	(14)
Why Are So Many Mistakes Made in the Name of Love?	46	(3)
Questions to Ask Yourself about a Potential Partner	49	(1)
Can Love Conquer All?---Constructive Relationships	50	(2)
Creative Fidelity	52	(1)
Love Decisions	52	(1)
The Myth of Having to Love Yourself First	53	(2)
Some Relationship Stereotypes Are from Mars, Others Are from Venus	55	(2)
Imago, or ...Why Is My Partner Just Like My Mother/Father?	57	(2)
How Do I Know If I'm Really In Love?	59	(12)
A Love Checklist	62	(1)
Now, the ``Feeling-in-Love'' Questionnaire	62	(2)
Don't Make Any Crucial Decisions ...Yet	64	(1)
How Can I Tell If a Love Affair Is Moving in the Wrong Direction?	65	(1)
How Will I Feel When I'm Really in Love?	65	(1)
One True Thing about Love	66	(1)
What If You Are Not Sure You're In Love?	67	(2)
Why Should I Compromise?	69	(1)
Is Mutual Attraction the Key?	69	(1)
Who Is Right for You?	70	(1)
Learning to Choose a Healthy Relationship	71	(26)
Exploring Missed Opportunities and False Perceptions	71	(1)
Understanding a Modern Relationship	72	(1)
The Perfect Partner in Our Minds	73	(2)
Creating False Limitations	75	(2)
Changing Your Perceptions: Allowing for Reality	77	(1)
Partners with Disabilities	78	(2)
Are All Good Men Married or Gay?	80	(1)
Be Honest with Yourself	81	(3)
Stereotyping Potential Partners	84	(1)
A Personal Checklist	85	(1)
Listening Skills	86	(1)
Pressure to Commit	87	(1)
Knowing When to Hesitate	88	(1)
Other Negative Traits	89	(2)
Acting Like It's Love: Spotting Problem Behavior Early	91	(3)
After a Breakup	94	(1)
Our Disposable Society	95	(2)
Are You Single by Choice or by Bad Dating Habits?	97	(20)
For Women: Relationship Alert!	100	(1)
Are You Inviting Rejection?	100	(1)
Establish Yourself As an Interesting Person First	101	(1)
Where's Robert Today?	101	(1)
Meeting Strangers: The Pressure to Jump into Commitment Again	102	(3)
Do Any of These ``Ifs'' Apply to You?	105	(5)
Recovery after Divorce	110	(4)
It Pays to Make a Good Choice of Partner	114	(3)
Before You Commit	117	(30)
Checking Out His/Her Family	117	(2)
Getting Beyond the Wedding	119	(2)
Money Matters	121	(2)
More about Communicating with Your Partner	123	(2)
What Do I Ask of a Divorced Partner with Children?	125	(1)
Promises	126	(1)
Consider Not Making a Commitment	127	(1)
Don't Commit or Marry	128	(2)
Testing the Relationship Waters	130	(1)
Adjusting Your Expectations	131	(2)
The Most Important Ingredients of a Successful Relationship	133	(2)
Additional Concerns	135	(1)
Self-Defeating Approaches	136	(1)
Mutuality Versus Self-Enhancement: Will I Lose My Identity?	137	(2)
Making Your Past Failures Work for You	139	(2)
What Am I Doing Wrong?	141	(1)
Dealing with Anger	142	(2)
Defusing Anger: Using. ``I Messages''	144	(3)
Growing Into Love	147	(14)
Damage Control	148	(1)
Surviving Abusive Relationships: You Make the Choice	149	(1)
Can You See the Elephant in Your Living Room?	149	(1)
A Sample List to Take into Your Next Relationship	150	(4)
Is Conflict Good for Your Relationship?	154	(2)
Almost As Many Second Marriages Break Up As The First	156	(1)
Effects on the Children	157	(1)
The Death of a Partner: The ``Rebecca'' Syndrome	158	(1)
Warning Signs	159	(2)
Sex, Intimacy, and Friendship	161	(32)
The Rules of Attraction (There Are No Rules)	163	(1)
The Attraction Trap	164	(2)
Looking Beyond the Physical	166	(1)
Getting Beyond Media Rules of Attraction	167	(1)
The Sex Test	168	(2)
Touching, Cuddling, Caressing	170	(1)
Confused Messages about Love	171	(2)
Being a Sensual Person	173	(1)
Body Therapy	174	(1)
Dating Pressures: Acting Out of Character	175	(1)
On Being Intimate with Yourself	176	(4)
Masturbation: Sex with Someone You Love	180	(1)
Thoughts Are Not Harmful	181	(1)
Intimate Matters	182	(1)
The (Intimate) Art of Listening	183	(3)
Nonverbal Intimacies	186	(1)
Shifting Balances in a Relationship	186	(2)
Sex and Love: Different Ingredients	188	(1)
Intimacy Can Be Sex-Free	188	(2)
On Intimacy, Friendship, and Love	190	(3)
Finding Your Own Voice	193	(6)
Enhancing Your Life as a Single Person	195	(2)
How Will I Know If I'm Going in the Right Direction?	197	(2)
Where Are You Now?	199	(12)
Along the Road to Finding Your Own Voice	199	(2)
Is Your Partner ``Teachable''? Can You Learn from Each Other?	201	(3)
Unconditional Love?	204	(1)
A Very Special Kind of Therapy	205	(2)
Loving Yourself	207	(4)
Some Frequently Asked Questions About Relationships	211	(10)
Final Thoughts on Your Quest for a Life Partner	219	(2)
Epilogue: Additional Relationship Facts and Ideas	221	(4)
Appendix A Recommended Reading	225	(4)
Appendix B Additional Resources	229	(2)
Index	231