How to Deal With Parents Who Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy

by Elaine K. McEwan

• ISBN13: 9781412904445
• ISBN10: 1412904447
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-11-17
• Publisher: Corwin Pr

Summary

Updated Edition of Bestseller! How do you deal with high-maintenance parents who never seem happy with the job you are doing? Emotionally charged, often disgruntled, and occasionally abusive parents--sound familiar? The newly revised, second edition of Elaine McEwana??s bestselling classic will help you manage your most difficult audience, adding several new features and examples that will give you the confidence and skills you need to handle such situations, including: Over two dozen strategies-enhanced and updated-to defuse emotionally charged parents An updated, easy-to-administer Healthy School Checklist to determine if your schoola??s culture encourages parents or pushes them over the edge Fifty Ways to build parental support for your school Ten Goals-at-a-Glance to help keep your school-community relations on target A built-in facilitator guide--ideal for book groups and staff development, including energizers, suggestions for role-playing, think-alouds, and questions for reflection and discussion Every educator will find invaluable strategies for handling angry and unresponsive parents and the critical issues that cause misunderstandings. Following McEwana??s seven steps of effective problem-solving will help with quick solutions while creating a nurturing, healthy school environment. And in todaya??s schools and a NCLB environment, developing a supportive parent-community relationship is essential to everyonea??s success.

Table of Contents

Preface	xiii
My Definition of ``Crazy''	xv
Who This Book Is For	xvi
Special Features of the Book	xvii
Overview of the Contents	xvii
Acknowledgments	xviii
About the Author	xxi
Why So Many Parents Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy	1	(22)
The Parents of Today	3	(3)
Less Respectful of Authority	3	(1)
More Educated About Education	4	(1)
Angrier Than Ever	4	(1)
Cynical and Distrustful	5	(1)
Activists	5	(1)
Stressed	6	(1)
Worried and Fearful	6	(1)
What's Behind the Epidemic?	6	(14)
Reason 1: The World Is a Stressful Place	7	(1)
Reason 2: Educators Do Things That Upset Parents	8	(1)
Failure to Communicate	8	(1)
Circling the Wagons	9	(1)
Stonewalling and Spinelessness	10	(1)
Assumptions and Stereotypes	10	(1)
Defensiveness	10	(1)
Breaking Promises	11	(1)
Intimidation, Control, Power, and Blame	11	(1)
Condescension and Rudeness	11	(1)
Dishonesty	12	(1)
Political Correctness to the Max	12	(1)
Unwillingness to Admit Mistakes and Apologize	13	(1)
Failure to Give Parents Credit for Understanding Their Children	13	(1)
Lack of Respect for Parents and Children	14	(1)
Being Asked for Advice and Not Having It Taken	14	(1)
Unprofessionalism	14	(1)
Reason 3: Education and Educators Fail to Meet Parents' Expectations	14	(1)
Lack of Student Learning, Schoolwide or Districtwide	14	(1)
Lack of Learning or Behavior Problems Closer to Home	15	(1)
Erosion of Values	16	(1)
Lack of Qualified and Competent Teachers	16	(1)
Lack of Safety	17	(1)
Having to Settle for Poor Schools	17	(1)
Reason 4: Parents Have Personal Problems	18	(1)
Estranged, Separated, and Divorced Parents	18	(1)
School Groupies	19	(1)
Complainers, Troublemakers, and Whiners	20	(1)
Abusive Parents	20	(1)
Addicted, Dysfunctional, and Mentally Ill Parents	20	(1)
Summing Up and Looking Ahead	20	(3)
Defusing and Disarming Out-of-Control Parents	23	(26)
What Is Anger?	24	(1)
How to Deal With Parents
Who Are Upset or Out of Control	25	(1)
Character Counts	25	(1)
Be trustworthy	25	(1)
Be honest	26	(1)
Be authentic	26	(1)
Be respectful	27	(1)
Be forgiving	27	(1)
The Best Ways to Respond to Angry Parents	27	(2)
Manage by walking around	29	(1)
Assume problems	29	(1)
Don't delegate	29	(1)
Welcome and accept	30	(1)
Say something nice	30	(1)
Self-neutralize	30	(1)
Attend	31	(1)
Listen	32	(1)
Be gentle	32	(1)
Read between the lines	33	(1)
Give ``wordless advice.''	33	(1)
Convey serenity	34	(1)
Be a mirror	34	(1)
Backtrack	34	(1)
Open your mind	35	(1)
Don't react	35	(1)
Remain composed	36	(1)
Be assertive	36	(1)
Administer shock therapy	37	(1)
Take the A train	37	(1)
Apologize	38	(1)
Empathize	38	(1)
Welcome criticism	39	(1)
Consider cultural differences	39	(1)
End positively	40	(1)
Strategies for Dealing With Truly Troubled Parents	40	(7)
Estranged, Separated, and Divorced Parents	40	(1)
Parents on Power Trips	41	(1)
Bulldozers	41	(1)
Jackhammers	42	(1)
Dump trucks	43	(1)
Complainers	43	(2)
Abusive, Addictive, Violent, and Mentally Ill Parents	45	(2)
Using Your Encounters With Parents to Learn and Grow	47	(1)
Summing Up and Looking Ahead	48	(1)
Solving the Problems That Make Parents Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy	49	(24)
The Pervasive Problems That Plague Us	50	(3)
Problems Identified by School Personnel	51	(1)
Problems Identified by Parents	52	(1)
Problems Identified by Students	52	(1)
Solving the Problems That Plague Us	53	(14)
Exploratory Strategies	54	(1)
Take your time	54	(1)
Ask questions	55	(1)
Open the option door	56	(1)
Undersell and overperform	57	(1)
Tell a story	57	(1)
Refuse to triangulate	58	(1)
Lower the boom lightly	58	(1)
Don't tell parents; show them	59	(1)
Don't fight 'em; join 'em	60	(1)
Focus on problems, not personalities	60	(1)
Action Strategies	60	(1)
Solve problems	60	(4)
Tell the truth in love	64	(3)
Behaviors That Can Sabotage Your Good Intentions	67	(1)
What to Do When Nothing Works	68	(3)
When to Stay	68	(1)
When to Leave	69	(2)
Summing Up and Looking Ahead	71	(2)
Creating and Nurturing a Healthy School	73	(16)
The ``Virulent Viruses''	74	(4)
Clandestine Operations	75	(1)
Faultfinding and Blame	75	(1)
Backyard Gossip	76	(1)
Lies, Half-Truths, and Slander	76	(1)
Triangulation	77	(1)
The Friendly Enemy	77	(1)
The Dangerous Dozen	78	(3)
Paralysis	78	(1)
Diarrhea	78	(1)
Chronic Fatigue	78	(1)
Hypertension	79	(1)
Heart Failure	79	(1)
Lockjaw	79	(1)
Circulatory Collapse	79	(1)
Muscle and Tendon Inflammation	80	(1)
Irritable Bowel Syndrome	80	(1)
Calluses, Corns, and Bunions	80	(1)
Chicken Pox	80	(1)
Malnutrition	81	(1)
A Healthy School	81	(4)
Mission and Vision	83	(1)
Separate Yet Connected	83	(1)
Metanoia Rather Than Paranoia	83	(1)
Optimism Rather Than Pessimism	84	(1)
Cooperation Rather Than Competition	84	(1)
Zero Tolerance of Intolerance	84	(1)
Maturity and Growth	85	(1)
The Healthy Leader	85	(1)
Promoting and Maintaining a Healthy School	86	(2)
Steps to Take if Your School Is Sick	88	(1)
Summing Up and Looking Ahead	88	(1)
The Proactive Approach: Fifty-Plus Ways to Build Parental Support	89	(14)
Fifty-Plus Suggestions to Get You Started	90	(11)
Shared Decision Making	90	(1)
Survey Your Customers	90	(1)
Care Enough to Send the Very Best	91	(1)
Management by Walking Around	91	(1)
Think Ahead	91	(1)
Key Communicators	91	(1)
Advance Warning	91	(1)
A Key Decision-Making Tool	92	(1)
Single Parents	92	(1)
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do	92	(1)
Multicultural Outreach	92	(1)
Home Visits	93	(1)
Good News Travels Fast	93	(1)
The Welcome Wagon	93	(1)
Read All About It	93	(1)
Let's Party	93	(1)
Put Out the Welcome Mat	94	(1)
Open House	94	(1)
Curricular Expectations	94	(1)
Read to Me	94	(1)
Kudos to Volunteers	94	(1)
Teacher Training	94	(1)
The Night Shift	95	(1)
School-Business Partnerships	95	(1)
Phone Home	95	(1)
You've Got Mail	95	(1)
The Twenty-Four-Hour Policy	95	(1)
The Dog Ate It	96	(1)
Keyboard Capers	96	(1)
The Family That Learns Together	96	(1)
School-Community Partnerships	96	(1)
Parents as Learners	96	(1)
Career Days	97	(1)
Habla Espanol?	97	(1)
Speak to Me	97	(1)
The Cable Connection	97	(1)
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is	97	(1)
Computer Literacy	97	(1)
Berlitz Comes to School	98	(1)
A Solid Foundation	98	(1)
What's the Score?	98	(1)
Can We Talk?	98	(1)
Preferred Parking	98	(1)
When I Want Your Advice, I'll Ask for It	98	(1)
Here's How to Handle a Problem	99	(1)
Plan Ahead	99	(1)
Rules of the Road	99	(1)
Talk to Me	99	(1)
Paid Parents	99	(1)
The Volunteer Army	100	(1)
Pop the Question	100	(1)
Reach Out and Touch Someone	100	(1)
Volunteer Together	100	(1)
What's in a Name?	101	(1)
A Penny for Your Thoughts	101	(1)
Summing Up and Looking Ahead	101	(2)
Conclusion	103	(10)
Give Parents What They Want	104	(1)
Be Proactive Rather Than Reactive	105	(1)
Build Relationships	106	(1)
Tend to Teaching	106	(1)
Don't Hit Your Ball Into the Seven Sand Traps	107	(1)
Deal With Yourself	108	(1)
Build a Well-Balanced Team	108	(1)
Don't Drive Parents Crazy!	108	(1)
Tell the Truth in Love	109	(1)
Address Small Problems Before They Get Bigger	109	(4)
References	113	(6)
Index	119	(4)
Facilitator's Guide	123	(2)
Who Should Use This Guide?	123	(1)
How Is the Guide Organized?	124	(1)
What Materials Are Needed?	124	(1)
Materials for Facilitators	124	(1)
Materials for Participants	125	(1)
Study Modules	125
Module 1: Introduction	125	(7)
Module 2: Chapter 1. Why So Many Parents Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy	132	(4)
Module 3: Chapter 2. Defusing and Disarming Out-of-Control Parents	136	(4)
Module 4: Chapter 3. Solving the Problems That Make Parents Mad	140	(4)
Module 5: Chapter 4. Promoting a Healthy School	144	(19)
Module 6: Chapter 5. Fifty-Plus Ways to Be Proactive	163	(3)
Module 7: Conclusion	166