How to Be Inappropriate

by Nester, Daniel

• ISBN13: 9781593762537
• ISBN10: 1593762534
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-10-01
• Publisher: Soft Skull

Summary

Dry, offbeat, and mostly profane, this debut collection of humorous nonfiction glorifies all things inappropriate. Readers will appreciate that someone else has experienced these embarrassing sides of life so that they won't have to.

Author Biography

Daniel Nester's writing has appeared in Best Creative Nonfiction, Open City, Nerve, Daily Beast, Best American Poetry, Time Out New York, The Morning News, Bloomsbury Review, Poets Writers, and Bookslut.

Table of Contents

Notes Toward a Definition of the Inappropriate: An Apologia	p. 1
The Puerto Rican Lockhorns Reunion	p. 4
The Turds of Billyburg	p. 10
Hot Blooded	p. 15
Being a short account of the author's former band, which was composed of middle-aged men and named Fear Itself
A. I. Wanna Rock 'n' Roll All Night	p. 18
Revising the Footlicker Story	p. 33
Notes Toward a Philosophy of the Inappropriate	p. 43
Which contains some contextualization that the author wishes were helpful for preparing the reader for the essay on mooning which is to follow
Mooning: A Short Cultural History	p. 44
My Ass Life in the West	p. 64
Being a collection of transcripts of hypothetical scenes from The Catcher in the Rye, as performed by the author and six non-native speakers of English in downtown Brooklyn
The Difference Between Chickens and Goats	p. 70
Being a collection of excerpts from the Notebook of the Best Administrative Aide in the World, with action taking place at the New York University's film department
An Inappropriate Commonplace	p. 81
On Late Style	p. 85
Or, Remembering Tartuffe
Are You Hot Enough to Play with Journey? Todd Rogers Is	p. 87
Pulling the Muse's Finger: A Fartspotter's Guide to Poetic Passings of Wind	p. 119
Being a collection, with some minor explications, of references to flatulence in English poesy, and along with it thoughts on high seriousness
Two Imitations of Christ	p. 133
being an account of two encounters with fellow writers at a remote artist colony in Southwestern Virginia
Bob and Tom's Fish and Fry	p. 135
Or, A Sentence Combining Worksheet, presented here for readers to gain valuable skills in English grammar and usage, by joining simple and complex sentences herewith presented
Queries	p. 142
Takin' Care of Jesus	p. 153
Concerning ApologetiX, the Best-Known Christian Rock Parody Band in the Land, in which the author explores varieties of heretical experience, learns some Deuteronomy, and explores the etymology of parodiety
The Case for Upsizing	p. 170
An Inappropriate Discourse	p. 186
Being a Contact Narrative of the author with the term "inappropriate comment," to which is subjoined a Retrospective Analysis of the use of the terms Sacred and Profane, and its possible connection with being a Poet xxx
Goodbye to All Them	p. 189
Concerning a largely sincere and bitchy account of the author's exit from New York City, the low-stakes world of the New York poetry scene, and the practice of writing poetry in the Big Apple in general
Garden Path Paragraphs: Variations on Eggs, Faith, Doubt, and Fathering	p. 199
Being an account of the author and wife's pursuit of a child, subjoined with discourses on teaching, pornography, and "irritable reaching after fact & reason"
The Talk Box Reveries	p. 221
Being the tale of the Author's acquisition of a talk box, perhaps the most ridiculous electric guitar effect invented, in his last Livin'-on-a-Prayer-hurrah attempt to rock the fuck out
Yes I Tan: The Indoor Tanning Diaries	p. 233
Being the author's account of fake-baking across the Greater Capital Region, pale-faced poets, blackfaced co-eds, and tingle creams
Timeline of the Author's Inappropriate Acts, Selected, c. 1968-Present	p. 244
A Necessary Exposition of Events, Circumstances, and Incorrectly Taken Liberties, related and unrelated, to the author's writing and assembling of this collection
Acknowledgments	p. 257
A being a thank-you list of editors and other people who have put up with the author's improprieties
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