How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved Describes 8 Types of Dangerous Men, Gives Defense Strategies and a Red Alert Checklist for Each, and Includes Stories of Successes and Failures

by Brown, Sandra L.

• ISBN13: 9780897934473
• ISBN10: 0897934474
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-03-22
• Publisher: Hunter House

Summary

This savvy, straightforward book pairs real women's stories with research and the expertise of a domestic violence counselor to help women of all ages identify Dangerous Men -- before they become too involved.

Brown describes eight types of Dangerous Men, their specific traits and characteristics. In separate chapters, she explores victim’s stories that tell how they came in contact with this type of Dangerous Man and their outcome. Brown then shows readers how to develop a Defense Strategy -- how to spot, avoid, or rid themselves of this type of Dangerous Man.

Brown explains women's innate "red flag" systems -- how they work to signal impending danger, and why many women learn to ignore them. With red flags in hand, Brown then guides readers through their own personal experiences to develop a personalized "Do Not Date" list. With these tools, Brown shows women how they can spot and avoid patterns of engagement with Dangerous Men.

Author Biography

Sandra L. Brown holds a master's degree in counseling. She is the founder and former executive director of Bridgework, Inc., a multifaceted nonprofit center for victims of violent crime. There, she provided both administrative leadership and clinical service through individual and group counseling. She has worked as a therapist at hospital inpatient programs, residential treatment facilities, intensive outpatient programs, and other nonprofit treatment programs. She has been a keynote speaker, conference teacher, and workshop and retreat leader. She has taught counseling courses at the college level. Sandra has provided consulting for human-service agencies in the area of program development for trauma-related disorders. She has assisted in international program development for the abandoned street children in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. She is a frequent guest of radio call-in shows and has hosted and produced her own TV show, A Voice for Victims. She is the author of the books Counseling Victims of Violence and The Moody Pews, as well as numerous articles on clinical counseling and personal-growth issues.

Table of Contents

Foreword	x
Preface	xii
Introduction	1	(6)
Chapter 1: Understanding the Face of Dangerousness	7	(24)
Why Women Choose Dangerous Men	8	(2)
Minimizing and Glamorizing	10	(2)
Developing Your Own Language for Dangerous	12	(2)
Categories of Dangerous Men	14	(3)
A Few Words about Pathology and Personality Disorders	17	(1)
"But My Man Isn't Pathological!"	18	(2)
What Causes Pathology'?	20	(3)
What You Can Expect from a Pathological Man	23	(1)
Pathological vs. Chronic Disorders	24	(2)
What Should You Do If You're Already Involved with a Dangerous Man?	26	(1)
Not All Men Are Dangerous	27	(1)
Meet Tori	28	(3)
Chapter 2: Red Flags and Red Alerts: Knowing, Sensing, Being Aware-and Following Through	31	(28)
Your Built-In Danger-Alert System	32	(4)
Why Do Women Ignore Their Red Flags?	36	(9)
Tori's Red Flags	45	(1)
Your Own Red Flags	45	(1)
What Other Women's Red Flags Can Teach You	46	(4)
Implications	50	(1)
Telling Yourself the Truth	51	(1)
Women's Self-Sabotaging Behaviors	52	(4)
Conclusions	56	(1)
A Gift from Your Sisters	57	(2)
Chapter 3: The Permanent Clinger	59	(14)
Alan Adoration-Turned-to-Suffocation	59	(3)
Who They Seek	62	(2)
Why They Are Successful	64	(1)
Women's Stories	65	(4)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	69	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	70	(1)
Women's Insights	71	(2)
Chapter 4: The Parental Seeker	73	(16)
Tommy Teenager	73	(4)
Who They Seek	77	(2)
Why They Are Successful	79	(1)
Women's Stories	80	(4)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	84	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	85	(2)
Women's Insights	87	(2)
Chapter 5: The Emotionally Unavailable Man	89	(23)
Donnie Don't-Call-Me-I'll-Call-You	89	(5)
Who They Seek	94	(3)
Why They Are Successful	97	(3)
Women's Stories	100	(6)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	106	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	107	(2)
Women's Insights	109	(3)
Chapter 6: The Man with the Hidden Life	112	(14)
Hank the Hider	112	(3)
Who They Seek	115	(1)
Why They Are Successful	116	(1)
Women's Stories	117	(5)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	122	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	123	(1)
Women's Insights	124	(2)
Chapter 7: The Mentally III Man	126	(19)
Mike the Meltdown	126	(3)
Who They Seek	129	(3)
Why They Are Successful	132	(1)
Women's Stories	133	(6)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	139	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	140	(3)
Women's Insights	143	(2)
Chapter 8: The Addict	145	(16)
Paul Partyboy	145	(3)
Types of Addictions	148	(1)
Who They Seek	149	(1)
Why They Are Successful	150	(2)
Women's Stories	152	(1)
Seeing Addictions in Stories from Other Chapters	153	(2)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	155	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	156	(3)
Women's Insights	159	(2)
Chapter 9: The Abusive or Violent Man	161	(18)
Victor the Viper	161	(2)
What Constitutes Abuse?	163	(2)
Who They Seek	165	(1)
Why They Are Successful	166	(2)
Women's Stories	168	(5)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	173	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	174	(3)
Women's Insights	177	(1)
Help for Women in Abusive Relationships	177	(2)
Chapter 10: The Emotional Predator	179	(21)
Howard the Hunter	179	(4)
Who They Seek	183	(2)
Why They Are Successful	185	(1)
Women's Stories	186	(7)
Any Woman's Story	193	(2)
Red-Alert Behavioral Checklist	195	(1)
Your Defense Strategy	196	(1)
Women's Insights	197	(3)
Chapter 11: Signs of a Bad Dating Choice	200	(11)
Boundaries and Their Role in Healthy Relationships	200	(4)
Healthy Versus Unhealthy Relationships	204	(1)
Specific Signs of a Bad Dating Choice	205	(2)
For Women Involved with a Dangerous Man: Deciding Whether to Leave or Stay	207	(1)
Questionnaire: Am I in Danger of Dating More Dangerous Men?	208	(3)
Chapter 12: To Thine Own Self Be True: Learning to Heed Your Red Flags	211	(15)
How Women Fail to Honor Their Red Flags	211	(3)
Universal Red Flags	214	(3)
Mythical Assumptions	217	(1)
The Many Stories of Katie	218	(4)
Mythical Conclusions	222	(4)
Chapter 13: New Life, New Choices	226	(6)
Sierra's Success Story	226	(2)
Jenna's Success Story	228	(2)
Your Success Story	230	(1)
In Closing	230	(2)
Appendix: Descriptions of Mental and Emotional Disorders	232	(6)
Childhood Disorders	232	(1)
Mood Disorders	233	(1)
Anxiety Disorders	233	(1)
Personality Disorders (Pathological Disturbances)	234	(3)
Psychotic or Delusional Disorders	237	(1)
Substance-Related Disorders	237	(1)
Resources	238	(5)
Workbook	238	(1)
Author Contact/Website/Workshops	238	(1)
Resources for Women in Abusive Relationships	238	(5)
Books	239	(2)
Websites	241	(1)
Services	242	(1)
Index	243