How to Survive Your Husband's Midlife Crisis : Strategies and Stories from the Midlife Wives Club

by Courter, Gay; Gaudette, Pat

• ISBN13: 9780399528828
• ISBN10: 0399528822
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-05-06
• Publisher: Perigee Trade

Summary

You've heard all the jokes about men's midlife crises -- the new sports car, the new exercise regimen...and the new girlfriend. But when you're the wife trying to cope, it's no laughing matter. A midlife crisis can devour a relationship. It may be devouring yours. The Midlife Wives Club is a supportive sisterhood for midlife mates -- a chance to vent some steam, share advice, or just get a reminder that you're not alone. With personal stories from real women (and men) and a comprehensive list of resources, this book can help you get past the rough spots -- and turn this tumultuous time into a change for the better. Book jacket.

Author Biography

Pat Gaudette is the founder and webmaster of the Friends & Lovers website (friendsandlovers.com), as well as the popular Midlife Wives Club website (midlifewivesclub.com).

Gay Courter is the author of five bestselling novels including The Midwife and two works of nonfiction, including I Speak for This Child.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Welcome to the Club	1	(5)
The Unexpected Journey: When a Marriage Changes--and Why	6	(19)
The Call of the Road: Male Midlife Panic	25	(24)
Warning Signs and Flashing Signals: When to Worry--and When to Relax	49	(19)
Potholes and Bumpy Roads: Stages Along Life's Journey	68	(19)
Signposts to Hell: Facing Serious Issues	87	(27)
Dangerous Curves Ahead: The Dreaded Other Woman	114	(32)
The Littlest Passengers: Helping Children Cope	146	(22)
Taking the High Road: Surviving Every Scenario	168	(25)
Forks in the Road: Picking the Best Option	193	(32)
New Vistas: Marital Outcomes--and Beyond	225	(32)
Appendix: Guidebooks and Road Maps	257	(12)
Index	269

Excerpts

Introduction: Welcome to the ClubWe are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our love object or its love. -Sigmund Freud, written in 1930, age 74You are in a committed relationship, married or involved exclusively with one another. You thought everything was glorious-or, at least as glorious as it gets. All relationships have some rough spots. But now it seems that you are always fighting. Or he just doesn't act like himself anymore. He doesn't like his job. He wants a sportier car. He says you and he have grown apart. He wants something but he doesn't know what. All relationships have their difficult times, but when a previously sensible man morphs into an angry stranger, the difficulties compound. Does your man say he is no longer "in love" with you but his reasons, if any, are vague at best? Is he trying to reinvent himself as a younger, hipper guy? Is he looking for an elusive "something" that he can't define? Have you twisted yourself inside out in an attempt to please him, but with no success? Maybe it's time you stop trying to change yourself and focus on the real cause of his conduct. If this is new behavior for him and he is between the ages of 35 and 50, your man is blazing a trail through midlife-and he is probably having a crisis. But how do you know for sure? And if it is a crisis, what can you do about it? You are not alone. Pat Gaudette has been through a midlife crisis twice-first as the person in crisis, then as the person affected by the crisis-and wanted to help others find their way through this confusing time. Because she understood the importance of having a strong support system, she established the Midlife Wives Club on the Internet for women caught in the middle of their man's crisis, and later went on to write this book. To join the Midlife Wives Club, log on to www.midlifewivesclub.com. Here you will find women sharing their experiences, giving advice to others, and finding answers to the questions that had been undermining their confidence. In this safe place, you will discover not only a sisterhood of survivors, but also a surprising bonus: men-themselves bewildered by their jumbled feelings-who provide another viewpoint that may help fit the puzzle together. Women's midlife crises are also explored online. However, this book is a window into male midlife crisis primarily from the perspective of the women who take this unexpected journey-even though they were not planning to go and their bags were not packed. When you read the stories on the website, you will not find the contributors' names as they appear in this book (with the exception of the authors Pat Gaudette and Gay Courter). Most participants select screen names. While screen identities work in an online environment, Midlife Wives Club members are real people telling intimate stories, so we decided to give them fictional first names. We told online club members a book was in progress. Some chose to actively participate in the process, filled out questionnaires, picked pseudonyms for themselves and their partners, and altered other aspects of their identity. We assigned other contributors fictitious names. Midlife Wives Club members log on worldwide, but while a region or country may be specified, no location is precise. The Internet is a global community, and midlife issues are faced by most couples to some degree-whether they live in Australia or Alabama, Japan or Johannesburg, London or Louisville. One of the strengths of the club is the support network that is available 24/7, regardless of time zone, because when people are distraught, they need immediate assistance and comfort. While a few of the members' posts contain direct quotes, all have been edited for conciseness and clarity, as well as fictionalized further to protect anonymity. Pat, who pioneered the website, is sharing the s