I WISH I WERE ENGULFED FLAMES CL

by DECKER,JENI

• ISBN13: 9781616084851
• ISBN10: 1616084855
• Edition: 00
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2012-01-17
• Publisher: FRWHEEL

Summary

Jeni Decker is five-foot nothing and one hundred and [redacted] pounds'¬ ;a self described roly-poly, forty-something, Reubenesque bon-bon of a gal, often called cute but never sexy. She has two sons with autism on opposite ends of the spectrum (Jake and Jaxson), a husband who prefers hunting to household chores, an Australian Shepherd named Sugar, and an albino frog named Humbert Humbert. This is her story'¬ ;a brash, personal, and sometimes shocking memoir of one woman'¬"s determination to raise two healthy kids with autism and keep her sanity in the process. It'¬"s not always easy. Between '¬Spoop'¬ incidents, temper tantrums, and the '¬Shelpful'¬ advice about parenting from her fellow citizens in the grocery store, Jeni often finds herself wanting to throw something. With chapters like: '¬STickling the Weiner,'¬ '¬SWhy I Hate Pokemon,'¬ '¬SSanta: Give it a Friggin'¬" Rest, Already,'¬ and '¬SOprah'¬"s the Reason My Kid Thinks I Want to Drown Him in the Tub,'¬ I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames also includes mini-chapters written by her eldest son, Jake. Readers looking for laughter and inspiration will find it here aplenty, along with tons of surreal anecdotes that will have you either shaking your head in disbelief (for those unacquainted with the world of autism) or nodding with recognition (for those who are). As Jeni says, '¬SI developed a new '¬Ünormal.'¬"'¬

Table of Contents

Tickling the Weiner	p. 1
Can Someone Choke Themselves with Their Bare Hands?	p. 5
Conversations with Jake	p. 13
If Life's a Highway, I Want Off at the Next Exit	p. 19
At Some Point, I'm Gonna Need Some Therapy	p. 23
Chuckin Poppie's Ashes	p. 29
Chuckin' Other Shit	p. 37
Laxative for the Soul	p. 41
I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames	p. 47
Why I Hate Pokemon	p. 51
Full Renal Failure	p. 55
Zeitgeist: Reality	p. 61
Oprah's the Reason My Kid Thinks I Want to Drown Him in the Tub	p. 65
Never a Dull Moment	p. 69
Random Heartbreaking Conversations over Coffee	p. 75
Making Movies of Myself	p. 83
Juggling Act	p. 89
Jehovah's at My Door	p. 97
Shame on Me	p. 101
Shit	p. 107
Obsessions and Compulsions	p. 115
Raising Cain	p. 121
Take it Easy	p. 127
The Decider	p. 133
Appearances!	p. 143
No Children Were Harmed During the Making of this Film	p. 149
Truthiness	p. 155
Sibling Variety	p. 161
Nice Hands, Nice Feet, Nice Head, Nice Mouth	p. 167
Santa: Give it a Friggin' Rest, Already	p. 175
Pain in My Ass	p. 183
Oh, Mother, Who Art Thou?	p. 191
Say What?	p. 199
The Weight of Normal	p. 207
Acknowledgements	p. 213
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.