I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What? Break the Impasse and Get What You Need

by Xavier, Amador

• ISBN13: 9781401303464
• ISBN10: 1401303463
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2008-04-01
• Publisher: Hachette Books

Summary

"This will be an invaluable tool for anyone who wants to get past 'I'm right and you're wrong!'..." --Gerry Spence, trial lawyer and author of theNew York Timesbest sellerHow to Argue and Win Every Time "...with this book, you can learn to win those arguments and find the best way to move forward without burning bridges." --Jeffrey J. Fox, author of HOW TO BECOME A RAINMAKER and HOW TO BECOME CEO " The book is a practical guide to working around and through problems that is useful on many different levels." --Robert P. Finn, Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, Princeton University, and past U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan "This practical and insightful book is an invaluable guide to anyone seeking common ground with an adversary and a way to move forward together." --Gabriele Borla, PhD, International Criminal Court, The Hague "It's hard to imagine anyone who couldn't benefit from this practical and empowering guide to making your relationships better." --Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., author ofThe Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You, and President, International Association for Cognitive Psychotherapy They happen every day--those frustrating, circular "I'm right, you're wrong!" arguments. What's at risk may be as life-changing as whether or not your kid drops out of college, your aging parent goes into a nursing home, or your boss gives you the promotion you want. Or it may be as commonplace as getting the insurance company to approve your claim. These situations often frustrate both parties, stall progress, and hurt relationships. But they don't have to. InI'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What?Dr. Xavier Amador, a Columbia University professor and clinical psychologist shows you how to break nearly any impasse and persuade your opponent--for that's what people become when you've reached an impasse--to give you what you need. I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What? is based on Dr. Amador's LISTEN-EMPATHIZE-AGREE-PARTNER (LEAP) method. A highly successful program that has been taught to tens of thousands of people in seminars around the U.S. and overseas, LEAP teaches you how to turn even toxic arguments into healthy disagreements that end with you getting what you need. Built on timeless psychological truths and new research, LEAP is a roadmap for improving the quality and health of any relationship. LEAP will actually show you how to convince the other person to help you, while increasing mutual respect and trust. Perhaps most importantly, it will help you make that all-important distinction between what you want and what you need. Dr. Amador's LEAP program includes techniques on how to: diffuse anger and lower defenses get past stubbornness and even denial make your opponent ask for your opinion . . . instead of railing against it turn adversaries into allies create positive and productive relationships At home, at work and in life, LEAP demonstrates how winning is not about hearing the other person say "You're right," it's about getting him to give you what you need--even when he doesn't agree with you.

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. xv
Getting Ready to LEAP	p. 1
I'm Right, You're Wrong-How to Recognize When You've Reached an Impasse	p. 3
What Is It You Really Need?	p. 23
Learning to Give in Order to Get What You Really Need	p. 36
Learning to LEAP	p. 45
The Psychology of LEAP	p. 47
Before You LEAP-Stop and Look Both Ways	p. 57
Listen-in Order to Disarm	p. 74
Empathize-in Order to Befriend	p. 95
Now What?	p. 107
Agree-with Your Adversary	p. 122
Partner-to Get What You Need	p. 134
LEAP for the Many Faces of Impasse	p. 143
LEAP to Better Relationships at Home	p. 145
LEAP to Better Business Relations	p. 161
Getting Service People to LEAP to Your Assistance	p. 179
LEAP Past Denial	p. 192
LEAP Through Closed Doors	p. 214
Conclusion: LEAP in Life	p. 227
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