Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples

by Betchen,Stephen J.

• ISBN13: 9780415948012
• ISBN10: 0415948010
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2005-04-26
• Publisher: Routledge

Summary

When two people form a relationship or marry, they begin to move towards one another with the expectation of closeness. The emotionality or intensity that accompanies this process, however, may result in fusion followed by a desperate need for space or distance.Intrusive-Partners-Elusive Matesis the first book to deal exclusively with the pursuer-distancer interaction, and to focus significant attention on the emerging male pursuer-female distancer dynamic. This book revisits Fogarty's work, traces the concept over time and across different professional fields, and discusses in detail the concepts correlation with gender issues and social change. A detailed, step-by-step model of treatment to aid in de-escalating this potentially problematic style is also offered. The model in and of itself is unique because it integrates psychoanalytic conflict theory and psychodynamic systems theory into one treatment approach. This book is intended to offer the therapist a model for understanding and effectivelydiscussing this dynamic, while at the same time allowing couples to read and explore it on their own.

Table of Contents

Preface	ix
Acknowledgments	xi
Introduction: Understanding the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	xiii
Traits and Tendencies of the Pursuer and the Distancer	1	(16)
Gender Roles and the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	17	(8)
Biological Determinants	17	(1)
Societal Influences and Changing Gender Roles	18	(5)
Familial Influences	23	(2)
Family of Origin: The Emotional and Psychological Development of Pursuers and Distancers	25	(8)
Female Pursuers	26	(2)
Male Distancers	28	(2)
Male Pursuers	30	(1)
Female Distancers	31	(2)
Treatment Model	33	(46)
Assessment	34	(1)
Mode and Frequency of Treatment	35	(3)
Joining	38	(4)
Encouraging Individual Responsibility	42	(1)
Constructing the Genogram	43	(6)
Uncovering Conflicts and Facilitating Differentiation	49	(11)
Labeling	60	(1)
Assigned Readings	61	(1)
Balancing Content and Process	62	(2)
The Question of Intimacy	64	(1)
The Role of Medication	65	(4)
Transference and Countertransference	69	(4)
Termination	73	(6)
Evaluating Sexual Dysfunction in the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	79	(8)
Sex: A Common Context for the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	79	(1)
Integrating Sex and Couples Therapy	80	(2)
Taking a Sexual History: The Sexual Genogram	82	(5)
Male Sexual Disorders and the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	87	(26)
Male Erectile Disorder	87	(11)
Premature Ejaculation	98	(8)
Male Orgasmic Disorder	106	(7)
Female Sexual Disorders and the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	113	(16)
Female Orgasmic Disorder	113	(8)
Vaginismus (Pelvic Floor Muscle Pain)	121	(8)
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	129	(16)
Same-Sex Couples and the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	145	(14)
Discrimination and Homophobia	145	(4)
Roles and Relationship Fluidity	149	(1)
Relationship Commitment	150	(4)
Fusion, Sexual Desire, and the So-Called ``Lesbian Bed Death'' Concept	154	(2)
Therapist Bias	156	(3)
Difficult Cases and Case Failure	159	(14)
Triangulated Children	160	(2)
Death and Distancing	162	(2)
When One Partner Has Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder	164	(3)
In Pursuit of Marriage	167	(2)
The Ultimate Distancer	169	(1)
No Sexual Attraction, No Sexual Desire	170	(3)
Other Contexts and the Pursuer--Distancer Dynamic	173	(20)
Intimate Partner Violence	173	(7)
Employment (Work)	180	(3)
Infidelity (Affairs)	183	(3)
Alcohol Dependence and Abuse	186	(7)
Epilogue	193	(4)
References	197	(8)
Index	205