The Joy of Gay Sex

by Silverstein, Charles

• ISBN13: 9780060012748
• ISBN10: 0060012749
• Edition: 3rd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2009-08-14
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

For a new century and a new generation of readers comes a fully revised and expanded edition of a classic guide to gay sex, love, and life. Invaluable as a sex guide, a resource on building self-esteem, and a trusted aid for coming out of the closet, The Joy of Gay Sex covers the ins and outs of gay life alphabetically from "anus" to "wrestling." Noted psychologist Dr. Charles Silverstein has collaborated once again with critically acclaimed novelist Felice Picano on this third edition, updating every single entry and adding nearly thirty new entries. The authors provide positive and responsible advice on safe sex in all its varieties; on emotional and relationship-oriented issues such as long-term couples, loneliness, and growing older; and on scores of diverse topics ranging from spirituality to online dating. With fifty new line drawings by acclaimed illustrator Joseph Phillips, this landmark reference is a necessary addition to every gay man's bookshelf.

Table of Contents

Introduction	xv
List of Entries
Anus	1	(1)
Barebacking	1	(2)
Bars	3	(1)
Baths	4	(1)
Bears	5	(3)
Bisexuality	8	(2)
Blow Job	10	(2)
Body Decoration	12	(2)
Body Fluids and Disease	14	(1)
Body Image	15	(2)
Bondage and Discipline	17	(2)
Booze and Highs	19	(3)
Bottom	22	(2)
Bottoms Up	24	(2)
Buns	26	(1)
Camping	27	(2)
Celibacy	29	(1)
Chat Rooms	30	(1)
Civil Rights	31	(3)
Clubs	34	(2)
Cock Size	36	(2)
Coming Out	38	(4)
Compulsive Sex	42	(3)
Condoms	45	(3)
Cosmetic (Plastic) Surgery	48	(2)
Couples	50	(5)
Cruising	55	(3)
Daddy/Son Fantasies	58	(2)
Dangerous Sex	60	(2)
Depression	62	(3)
Dirty Talk	65	(2)
Domestic Partnerships	67	(1)
Domestic Violence	68	(1)
Drug Abuse	69	(6)
Drugs and Sex	75	(2)
Early Abuse	77	(1)
Effeminacy	78	(1)
Etiquette	79	(2)
Exhibitionism and Voyeurism	81	(1)
Face-to-Face	82	(3)
Feet	85	(1)
Fetish	86	(2)
Fidelity and Monogamy	88	(2)
Finding a Physician	90	(1)
First Time	91	(4)
Fisting	95	(3)
Foreskin	98	(3)
Friendship	l00
Frottage	101	(2)
Fuck Buddies	103	(2)
Gay Families	105	(2)
Gay Liberation	107	(4)
Gay Politics	111	(2)
Growing Older	113	(4)
Guilt	117	(1)
Gyms	118	(2)
Hair	120	(1)
Hands	121	(1)
HIV Disease	122	(8)
Homophobia	130	(2)
Hustlers	132	(2)
Impotence	134	(3)
Insurance	137	(3)
Jealousy, Envy, and Possessiveness	140	(2)
J.O. Buddies	142	(1)
J.O. Clubs	142	(2)
J.O. Machines	144	(1)
Kinky Sex	145	(2)
Kissing	147	(2)
Letting Go	149	(2)
Licking	151	(1)
Living Wills	152	(1)
Loneliness	153	(1)
Lubricants	154	(1)
Male Sexual Response	155	(5)
Married Men	160	(3)
Massage	163	(3)
Masturbation and Fantasy	166	(4)
Mirrors	170	(1)
Mixed HIV Couples	171	(3)
Mutual Masturbation	174	(2)
Mythic Beginnings	176	(2)
Nibbling and Biting	178	(2)
Nipples	180	(1)
Noisemaking	181	(1)
On-line Cruising	182	(3)
Open Relationships	185	(1)
Out on the Job	186	(4)
Parents	190	(3)
Phone Sex	193	(4)
Pleasure Trap	197	(1)
Pornography	198	(1)
Problems of Ejaculation	199	(3)
Profiles	202	(2)
Promiscuity	204	(1)
Racism	205	(1)
Rape	206	(2)
Rear Entry	208	(2)
Rejection	210	(1)
Relaxation	211	(1)
Rimming and Felching	212	(2)
Role Playing	214	(1)
Sadomasochism	215	(3)
Safe Sex	218	(5)
Saying No	223	(1)
Scat	223	(1)
Seduction	224	(1)
Sex Ads	225	(2)
Sex Clubs	227	(1)
Sex Parties	228	(5)
Sex Phobia (or Puritanism)	233	(2)
Sex Toys	235	(3)
Sexual Harassment	238	(4)
Sexually Transmitted Diseases	242	(8)
Sex with Animals	250	(2)
Sex with Straight Men	252	(1)
Shaving	253	(3)
Side by Side	256	(1)
Sit on My Face	256	(4)
Sitting on It	260	(4)
Sixty-Nining	264	(1)
Sleazy Sex	265	(1)
Spanking	266	(2)
Spirituality	268	(1)
Suicide	269	(2)
Tearooms and Back Rooms	271	(2)
Teenagers	273	(5)
Tenderness	278	(1)
Three-Ways	279	(3)
Top	282	(2)
Touching and Holding	284	(3)
Trade	287	(1)
Transgender	288	(4)
Travel	292	(2)
Tricking	294	(2)
Types	296	(1)
Uniforms	297	(3)
Vanilla Sex	300	(1)
Versatility	301	(1)
Water Sports	302	(2)
Webcams	304	(2)
Web Site	306	(1)
Wills	307	(3)
Wrestling	310	(1)
Appendix	311	(12)
Index	323

Excerpts

The Joy of Gay Sex
Fully revised and expanded third edition

Chapter One

Anus

Culturally induced ears have given many people phobias about their assholes. This bias against the anus is unreasonable. True, it is used for elimination, but so is the penis—yet that objection has not made the latter organ any less attractive. The anus is not only an avenue for elimination but also a sexual organ. It is highly sensitive, as it is lined with particularly responsive nerve endings. Moreover, the anus is close to the prostate gland, and its stimulation is highly pleasurable.

All trace of shit can be banished if one takes an enema before intercourse. Every drugstore sells disposable enemas or convenient bulb-shaped plastic ones. Most men who use them regularly keep them in their shower. Daily use of enemas, however, should be avoided, as it could create psychological dependence and/or physical damage to the small intestines. People who are just beginning to experiment with anal sex sometimes fear that sticking a large cock up the anus will tear the skin; proper lubrication and relaxation, however, will prevent pain or damage (see First Time).

More experienced men often worry that by repeatedly getting fucked they will lose muscle tone in their asshole. There is no research on this problem, but it seems thatmany of these worries are probably unfounded and may cover up feelings of guilt (see Guilt). One occasionally finds gay men who disparage achieving sexual pleasurethrough their anuses. This might be a result of low self-esteem caused by the archaic notion that only women get fucked. This is both an insult to their own bodies and historically wrong, since men have found pleasure in their assholes since the time of the cavemen, as we've learned from pictographs.

Barebacking

Barebacking—fucking without a condom—is the single most dangerous sex practice there is (see Dangerous Sex). As a method of sexual gratification, it's as old as recorded history. Until the arrival of AIDS, gay men never used condoms when fucking. In fact, pulling out before you came was considered rude. Until the mid-1980s, condoms were deemed kinky, a sex toy among gay men (seeCondoms). The AIDS epidemic caused a change in our way of having sex. As of December 2000, 775,000 people in the United States had been diagnosed with AIDS (the figure for HIV disease is much higher). One-half million have died (see HIV Disease). The worldwide statistics are even more alarming. Since we know so much about the transmission of the virus, fucking someone without a condom is equivalentto two men playing Russian roulette with each other.

Younger men seem to be more attracted to barebacking. Perhaps these risk-taking men haven't watched the slow death of lovers and friends. For them,AIDS is history,like their learning about the Vietnam War. It's simply not in their experience, as it is for an older generation of gay men. That's too bad, because it's a statistical certainty that some of them are going to pay a price—the diagnosis of HIV disease.

It would be a mistake, however, to look at barebacking only from a moral perspective. Recent research informs us that emotional problems influence a gay man's sexual behavior, including his contribution in transmitting the HIV. Depression is the main culprit. Gay men who are depressed, including both acute and chronic depression, are far more likely to participate in unsafe sex (see Depression; Safe Sex). Men with impulsive personalities, especially excitement seekers, are another category of psychologically impaired gay men. They generally describe themselves as "spontaneous," a claim that is untrue. A man who is spontaneous can make voluntary choices about his behavior; an impulsive man cannot. Both depression and impulsiveness can be effectively treated by both medication and psychotherapy.

If you have a friend who is endangering his life by barebacking, ask yourself whether psychological problems might be the cause. If so, taking a moral approachwon't change his behavior (nor will accusing him of stupidity). Help him to make an appointment with a shrink, but only one well versed in gay sex and HIV research.

How does a responsible gay man (like you) fulfill his sexual desires, but not endanger himself and other gay men? If you're going to fuck, carry condoms. Have them in your night table in your bedroom. Insist that your sex partner use one if he's going to fuck you—"Put the condom on or put your clothes on." Ignore the entreaties of a man who says, "You can fuck me without a condom," especially since you can be sure that he said the same thing to the man who fucked him last night, and the night before, and ...(see Sexually Transmitted Diseases). If, for some reason—either you are under the influence of alcohol or recreational drugs or a mix of both—you do bareback, be sure to get tested about a month later (see Booze and Highs; Drug Abuse; Drugs and Sex).If you test negative,get tested again in two more months. If youbelieve that the man who fucked you might be HIV-positive, treatment with AZT is available.

There may be a day when condoms are no longer necessary because AIDS scientists have successfully produced a vaccine. That's still years off. In the meantime, lovers who are both HIV-negative and who never trick out need not worry about the HIV or STDs.

The Joy of Gay Sex
Fully revised and expanded third edition. Copyright © by Charles Silverstein. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from The Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein, Felice Picano
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.