The Kids' Guide to Working Out Conflicts

by Drew, Naomi

• ISBN13: 9781575421506
• ISBN10: 157542150X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-03-15
• Publisher: Free Spirit Pub

Summary

Sound simple? It's not, but you can do it if you want. This book gives you the knowledge, understanding, and skills you need to resolve conflict, defuse tough situations, stand up for yourself, and more. Conflict is part of being human. It's normal and natural. It's also a major source of stress in our lives. And it's the main cause of violence in our schools, homes, and the world. You don't have to be upset, annoyed, irritated, scared, or just plain mad most of the time. There are real things you can do to deal with conflict, get along better with almost anyone, and feel a lot better about yourself. This book is full of ideas to think about and strategies to try. Throughout, you'll read quotes and insights from middle school students across the country. More than 1,000 responded to a nationwide survey. Like you, they care about conflict and want to do something about it. Book jacket.

Author Biography

Naomi Drew is recognized around the world as an expert on conflict resolution, peacemaking, and parenting. Her work has been instrumental in introducing the skills of peacemaking to public education and has been recognized by educational leaders throughout the country. United Nations staffer Michiko Kuroda has praised her work saying, “Naomi Drew has adapted the techniques of negotiation to the needs of children.”

People of all ages have attested to durable changes in their relationships after applying the principles outlined in her books and workshops. Her work has been featured in magazines and newspapers, and on radio and national TV, including, NBC, The New York Times, Time Magazine, Parents Magazine, and Child Magazine. She has served as a parenting expert for “Classroom Close-ups,” an Emmy-winning public television show.

Naomi is a dynamic speaker who has inspired audiences around the country. She serves as a consultant to school districts, parent groups, and civic organizations and is a registered provider with the NJ State Department of Eduaction Character Education Network. 

Table of Contents

Introduction: How This Book Can Help you	1	(5)
Step 1: Open your mind	6	(14)
What Starts a Conflict? What Makes It Grow?	7	(1)
Conflict Triggers	8	(3)
Willingness Lets You Put the Brakes on Conflict	11	(1)
What Happens When You're NOT Willing to Work Out Conflicts?	12	(1)
What Are Your Willingness Blocks?	13	(2)
What Happens When You ARE Willing to Work Out Conflicts?	15	(1)
Basement or Balcony-Your Choice	16	(4)
Step 2: Decide to Become a Conflict Solver	20	(16)
What Conflict Makers Do	20	(2)
What Conflict Solvers Do	22	(1)
Where Do You Stand?	23	(2)
When the Other Person Isn't Willing	25	(1)
Fake It Till You Make It	26	(1)
Team Earth Needs Your Help	27	(1)
"Yes, But" Questions	28	(5)
What to Do When Your Friends Have Conflicts	33	(1)
Are You Ready to Be a Conflict Solver?	34	(2)
Step 3: Become a Better Listener	36	(14)
NOT Listening Fuels Conflicts	37	(1)
Listening Is Your Path to Personal Power	37	(2)
Check Out Your Listening	39	(2)
Try the Bad Listening/Good Listening Game	41	(2)
Listen So You Really Understand: Reflective Listening	43	(2)
Play the "Sounds Like . . ." Game	45	(2)
Using Reflective Listening When There's a Conflict: Two Examples	47	(2)
Good Listening Builds Good Relationships	49	(1)
Step 4: Use Win/Win Guidelines	50	(18)
1. Cool off	52	(1)
2. Talk the problem over using I-messages	52	(4)
3. Listen while the other person speaks, and say back what you heard	56	(1)
4. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict	57	(3)
5. Brainstorm solutions and choose one that's fair to both of you	60	(2)
6. Affirm, forgive, thank, or apologize to each other	62	(1)
Putting It All Together	63	(2)
"Yes, But" Questions	65	(2)
Be a Role Model	67	(1)
Step 5: Manage your Anger and Gain Control	68	(16)
What Are Your Anger Pitfalls?	68	(1)
Why Do So Many People Have Trouble Managing Anger?	69	(1)
Three Secrets to Getting a Handle on Anger	70	(5)
Decide Not to Get Hooked	75	(2)
Make Yourself Zinger-Proof	77	(3)
Protect Yourself from Other People's Angry Vibes	80	(1)
When Anger Leads to Physical Fighting	81	(2)
Take Control	83	(1)
Step 6: Learn to Manacle Stress and Stay Calm, Cool, and Confident	84	(15)
Do You Know Your Stress Signals?	86	(2)
What's on Your Mind? Find the Calm Confidence Within You	88	(4)
More Ways to Stay Calm and Cool	92	(3)
De-Stress with Yoga and Meditation	95	(3)
Choose Calmness	98	(1)
Step 7: Be Smart About Bullying	99	(19)
Teasing versus Bullying: What's the Difference?	100	(2)
Eight Ways to Stop Teasing	102	(2)
Why Do People Bully? Is It Really Such a Big Problem?	104	(1)
Self-Check: Are You Bullying or Harassing Anyone?	105	(1)
What to Do If You've Bullied Others	106	(2)
What to Do If Someone Is Bullying You	108	(5)
"Yes, But" Questions	113	(2)
Bullying and Sexual Harassment	115	(2)
Choose to Be a Peacemaker	117	(1)
Step 8: Build Yourself Up from the Inside Out	118	(16)
Follow a Day-by-Day Plan	118	(1)
Strengthen Your Courage Muscle	119	(2)
Strengthen Your Forgiveness Muscle	121	(2)
Observe Yourself	123	(1)
Observe Others	124	(1)
Believe in Yourself	125	(9)
Resources for You	134	(3)
Working Out Conflicts Survey	137	(2)
References	139	(2)
Index	141	(5)
About the Author	146