Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette

by Friedman, Kinky

• ISBN13: 9780066209883
• ISBN10: 0066209889
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2001-08-30
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publications

Summary

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Kinky Friedman is back and at his outrageous best in this hilarious guide to the Lone Star State. With George W. Bush in the White House, Americans are taking a second look at the state made famous by the Alamo, the armadillo, Willie Nelson, and, well, Kinky Friedman. As the oldest living Jew in Texas who doesn't own any real estate, Kinky considers it his duty to educate Texans and non-Texans alike about the customs and habits of his native state. You'll never look at Texas the same way again after you encounter the real-life characters in Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette -- from hometown heroes and outlaws to rich Texas oilmen and country stars, Kinky provides an insider's view of his state's customs, history, and values. Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette is composed of provocative essays and profiles, from "Shoshone The Magic Pony" to "Willie Nelson: The Back Of The Bus." Take Kinky's quiz and find out: "Redneck, Good Old Boy, Or Oilman: What Kind Of Texan Are You?" Read this book and you will learn how to spot a Texan abroad, which famous Texans are not from Texas, how Texas got its Lone Star, and the history of Texans' favorite drink, Dr Pepper. Filled with hair-raising quotes from Texas politicians, Ace Reid cartoons, strange Texas laws, and final meal requests by Texas death row inmates, this good-spirited book will be loved by both native Texans and the rest of us poor devils.

Author Biography

Kinky Friedman is the author of fourteen novels, including the New York Times bestseller Roadkill. He is also a columnist for Texas Monthly magazine. He lives with one cat, four dogs, a pet armadillo, and many imaginary friends on a ranch in the Texas Hill Country

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	ix
A Big Howdy from Kinky The Friendly Cowboy	xi
Things You Would Never Hear A Real Texan Say	1	(1)
Big Hair For Jesus	2	(3)
Legend Of The Texas Bluebonnet	5	(2)
Redneck, Good O1' Boy, Or Oilman: Which Kind Of Texan Are You?	7	(3)
Hometown Heroes	10	(3)
Guide To Texas Etiquette	13	(16)
How Big Is Texas?	23	(1)
Actual Quotes From Actual Texas Politicians	24	(3)
Things That Make You Go ``Hmmmm''	27	(2)
All Politics Is Yokel	29	(12)
Advice To Anyone Moving To Texas	33	(4)
Famous Texans Not From Texas	37	(2)
Seen On Texas Bumper Stickers	39	(1)
How Texas Got Is Lone Star	40	(1)
Always Hold The Door For A Lady Sheriff	41	(16)
Rich Texas Oilmen	48	(1)
Texas A&M Football And The Twelfth Man Tradition	49	(1)
Written Test For Police	50	(1)
Eddie Childs	50	(1)
A Riddle	51	(1)
You Know You're In Texas When...	52	(1)
Texas Talk	53	(2)
The Train Track Children	55	(2)
Coming Of Age In Texas	57	(12)
More Hometown Heroes	61	(1)
How To Spot A Texan Abroad	62	(3)
Armadillo Fast Fact File	65	(2)
Prisoner-Of-War Camps in Texas	67	(2)
Digging The Roots Of Texas Music	69	(22)
Strange Texas Laws	84	(2)
Final Meal Requests By Texas Death Row Inmates	86	(2)
Texas Murderers	88	(3)
May All Your Juries Be Well-Hung	91	(36)
Texas Is The Only State	112	(1)
Tall Tales	113	(1)
Famous Texans With Mutant Genetalia	114	(1)
History Of Dr Pepper	114	(3)
Aggie Jokes	117	(2)
Little-Known Facts About The Alamo And Her Defenders	119	(2)
The Alamo: John Wayne's Classic Movie	121	(1)
After The Alamo	122	(1)
The Texas Chicken Ranch	122	(2)
Strange Sports Mascots In Texas	124	(3)
The Back Of The Bus	127	(16)
Everybody Is Somebody In Luckenbach	136	(1)
The Texas Celebrity High School Football Hall Of Fame	137	(1)
Chili, The State Dish	138	(2)
Texas Weather	140	(3)
Shoshone The Magic Pony	143	(12)
The Yellow Rose Of Texas	147	(1)
Teneha, Timpson, Bobo, And Blair	148	(1)
The Congress Avenue Bridge Bats	148	(2)
The Most Famous Texas Horned Toad	150	(1)
Chuck Wagon Cooking	151	(4)
Drawing From Experience	155	(18)
Outlaws In Texas	169	(2)
Rough Riders	171	(2)
Wanted: The Real Urban Cowboy	173	(20)
Still More Hometown Heroes	189	(1)
Dan Blocker	190	(1)
The Cowboy Cook's Prayer	190	(3)
God's Own Cowboys	193