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11:30 pm, Sunday, November 29, 2007 or about that time, John has left her! It started with Jill sitting curled over in pain, large tears soaking her t-shirt and thinking, she needed to say this to John but she will never ever have a chance. Every time Jill personally read her recollection of love for John, she would choke on her tears flowing inward down her throat and building a damn behind her voice box, leaving her unable to speak. Jill wrote this letter some time ago trying to get the courage to pass it on to John. There was a large desk in the front hallway where Jill had hidden this letter to John, hoping he would find it and read Jill's true thoughts. Jill retrieved the letter and posted herself on the bottom stair of the staircase firmly seated as not to fall over from her weakness. Her letter began: To my Dearest: For the most part of my feelings, I feel quite sick, disappointed and very uncertain. Sick because of how we relate (talk) to each other about what has become our way of being every time we are together on the cell phone and yes, even our text messaging. Disappointed because I thought I could find the perfect peace and happiness with my John. The dreams, of growing old and sitting by the riverside sharing one beer with no conversation because we know the years have passed and life was kind, are now beyond even a faded wish. Now I am uncertain, because I still do not know if I could handle any future relationship. This is becoming more obvious each day, every day. I am frustrated and a little disconcerted, even a little thing seems to corrupt us with misleading impressions about the honesty of each other regarding something that was not even there to begin with. This makes me very angry because of our promises to always communicate have failed. It is constant, that no matter what I say or what advice I would like to give, it is going to sound like I am saying to you, "I am right and you are wrong". So, most importantly, it is not so much about who is right and who is wrong. For me, it is about what I can accept and cannot accept in my life. You, I would say, must have the same (similar) thoughts. But, how am I to know when you simply cannot finish a discussion through to a solution? You certainly can open up a mouse trap, lure me in and snap the conversation ends. I look around in wonderment, like the poor mouse who is hanging onto life, what have I gotten myself into. Can I escape? Is this the end? What about my future plans of a family, happiness and where is my belief in God now to provide the answers?