Love Talk : Speak Each Other's Language Like You Never Have Before

by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

• ISBN13: 9780310245964
• ISBN10: 0310245966
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2004-10-01
• Publisher: Harpercollins Christian Pub

Summary

Love Talk is like no other communication book you've ever read. The fruit of years of research by two foremost relationship experts (who also happen to be husband and wife), this book forges a new path to the heart of loving conversation. You'll begin by identifying your security need and determining your personal communication style. Then you'll put together everything you discover to learn how the two of you can speak each other's language like never before. This very day, you can begin an adventure in communication that will draw the two of you closer, and closer, and closer ... consistently, in a way that creates the depth and connection you long for in your relationship. Book jacket.

Author Biography

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are codirectors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University (SPU)

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	11	(2)
Prologue: Charting Your Conversational Course	13	(8)
Part One: Let'S Talk About Talking
Can We Talk? Why We Wrote This Book	21	(4)
Relational Lifeblood: Why Communication Is Vital to Your Love Life	25	(12)
Communication 101: Brushing Up on the Basics	37	(12)
The Foundation of Every Great Conversation: Uncovering Your Fear Factor	49	(14)
Part Two: How You Say the Things You Do
How Do You Tackle Problems? Aggressively or Passively	63	(8)
How Do You Influence Each Other? With Feelings or Facts	71	(10)
How Do You React to Change? With Resistance or Acceptance	81	(8)
How Do You Make Decisions? Cautiously or Spontaneously	89	(6)
Your Unique Talk Style: Taking the Love Talk Indicator	95	(6)
Part Three: Enjoying Love Talk
Talking a Fine Line: The Secret to Emotional Connection	101	(10)
Men Analyze, Women Sympathize: Now It Makes Sense	111	(10)
Listening with the Third Ear: Can You Hear Me Now?	121	(16)
When Not to Talk: The Paradox of Every Relationship	137	(10)
Let's Talk Love: The Most Important Conversation You'll Ever Have	147	(14)
Epilogue: The Ultimate Message of Love Talk	161	(2)
Appendix A: Practical Help for the Silent Partner	163	(8)
Appendix B: A Sample Report from the Love Talk Indicator	171	(12)
Notes	183	(4)
About the Authors	187

Excerpts

Love Talk Copyright © 2004 by Les and Leslie Parrott
This title is also available as a Zondervan audio product. Visit www.zondervan.com/audiopages for more information.
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Parrott, Les. Love talk : speak each other’s language like you never have before / Les and Leslie Parrott. —1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0-310-24596-6 (hardcover) 1. Man-woman relationships—Religious aspects—Christianity. 2. Interpersonal communication —Religious aspects—Christianity. 3. Love—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964– II. Title. BT705.8.P37 2004 306.7—dc22 2004012528
This edition printed on acid-free paper.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Published in association with INJOY, Inc., Duluth, Georgia.
Interior design by Michelle Espinoza
Printed in the United States of America
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chapter one
CAN WE TALK?
Why We Wrote This Book
Life is deep and simple, and what our society gives us is shallow and complicated. Fred Rogers
We talk a lot about talking. In nearly every conceivable corner of North America and in several places around the world, Les and I have demonstrated techniques and tools for improving a couple’s communication. And it would be impossible to add up the number of times a couple has come into our counseling office after a communication meltdown and given us the common refrain: “We just don’t communicate.”
To say we talk a lot about talking is no understatement. In fact, we talk so much about it that we have been asked on numerous occasions by counselees, seminar attendees, and publishers why we have never written a book on communication. And our answer has remained the same: because there are already many good books out there, and until we have something groundbreaking to say on the subject, we don’t feel compelled to write about it. After all, we were doing our best in our own marriage to put into practice the principles and techniques other experts had proposed. Truthfully, we weren’t always doing it well either. And even when we did, we often found ourselves wanting something more—something deeper that would connect our spirits. Isn’t that the goal of becoming soul mates? Communication with the one you love is more than the mere exchange of words, even if done with elegant skill. Communication, if used to full advantage, holds the promise of bringing soul mates together at a level so profound that anyone on the outside can never truly comprehend it.
So we set off to crack the code for meaningful conversation. We wanted to learn the combination for using communication to help us speak each other’s language like we never had before. At least, that’s the way Les puts it. I think of it more as uncovering some of the deep mystery of male-female relationships—knowing this relationship is too complex and multifaceted to be codified. Of course, we’ll get to our differing styles of word choice and metaphor (as well as yours) later on in this book. The point is that for more than a decade we have been on the lookout for this seemingly illusive secret—something we both longed for. We were determined not to get sidetracked by anything shallow or complicated. We were in pursuit of a deep and simple plan that would move our communication from good to great. If we discovered a new technique or a clever method along the way, we took note, but new techniques were not our primary goal. We wanted to get to the heart of the matter. We wouldn’t settle for a mere handful of golden nuggets; we were in search of the mother lode. We wanted to find the means to becoming more understanding and better understood. We were in pursuit of the secret that would unlock a full supply of the very lifeblood of a meaningful relationship.
And we found it. The book you hold in your hands is the result of many years of research, and it will show you exactly what we discovered: a deep and simple plan for everything a loving conversation has to offer. We call it Love Talk.
What’s the Goal?
Allow us to come alongside you for a moment and imagine where you are. You may be at the beginning stages of a dating relationship or on the edge of commitment, about to be engaged. You may be in the first few years of your marriage, or you may have decades under your belt. You may be in a second marriage, struggling to blend a family. Perhaps you’re in a small group with other couples or a class that’s dedicated to improving your love life. Wherever you find yourself at the moment, we want you to know that we have written and rewritten these words with you in mind. We have reviewed each chapter, each paragraph, while putting ourselves, as best we can, in your place. We want this book to be an effective tool for any and every couple who wants to find a better way of speaking each other’s language.
We want you to thoroughly understand one another and your specific communication styles. We don’t want to simply hand off a few new techniques you can try on for a while to see if they work; we want to give you an experience that will take you to a new level of communication, deeper for you than it has ever been before. After reading this book, we want you to enjoy the incomparable comfort of saying what’s on your mind and revealing what’s in your heart. We are going to give you a means for communicating like you never have before.
So with this goal in mind, we want to give you our first challenge. After working with many couples, we have come to believe with great conviction that you are far more likely to improve your situation and meet your personal goals for communication if you clearly articulate them. That’s why we want to encourage you—right now—to take just a few minutes to write down a sentence or two describing your personal goal in reading this book. How would you like your communication to be different as a result of the time you will spend with us in these pages? Make it specific and concrete. For example, if you are dating, you may want to have a conversation that allows you to talk freely about a difficult topic that has been on your heart. Or if you are married, you may want to be able to talk to each other about disciplining your children without having a heated debate. Or maybe you simply want to enjoy a leisurely conversation over dinner together three days a week. You get the point. The first Love Talk Workbook exercise will give you a helpful structure for noting your goals and show you more specifically how you can chart your progress.

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Excerpted from Love Talk: Speak Each Other's Language Like You Never Have Before by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.