Love Talk Workbook for Men

by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

• ISBN13: 9780310262121
• ISBN10: 0310262127
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-10-01
• Publisher: Zondervan

Summary

This Men's Workbook will help you personalize the concepts you encounter in the Parrotts' book Love Talk and put them to work in your relationship. Inside, you'll find exercises, assessments, self-tests, tips, applications ... all the tools and guidance you need to: Identify your personal communication style, Understand how it interacts with that of your partner, Talk your way to a healthier, stronger relationship. Love Talk is like no other communication book you've ever read. The fruit of years of research by two foremost relationship experts (who also happen to be husband and wife), this book forges a new path to the heart of loving conversation. You'll begin by identifying your security need and determining your personal communication style. Then you'll put together everything you discover to learn how the two of you can speak each other's language like never before. This very day, you can begin an adventure in communication that will draw the two of you closer, and closer, and closer ... consistently, in a way that creates the depth and connection you long for in your relationship. Book jacket.

Author Biography

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are codirectors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University (SPU)

Table of Contents

A Letter to Our Readers	5	(2)
Getting Where You Want to Go	7	(4)
Assessing Your Communication IQ	11	(2)
Your Current Couple-Communication Strengths	13	(4)
Let's Get Real	17	(4)
Finding the Time to Talk	21	(2)
Your Three Levels of Communication	23	(2)
Avoiding Unwanted Advice	25	(2)
Identifying Your Personal Fear Factor	27	(2)
Identifying Your Talk Style	29	(2)
The Head/Heart Self-Test	31	(6)
The Empathy Exercise	37	(2)
Speaking Her Language	39	(4)
Do You Hear What She Hears?	43	(2)
Reading Your Partner's Body Language	45	(4)
I Want to Read Your Mind	49	(2)
Is It Time to Clam Up?	51	(2)
Enough Advice Already!	53	(2)
Tuning In to Your Self-Talk	55	(6)
Testing Your Respect Levels	61	(4)
Talking from Your Strengths	65	(2)
Small Group Discussion Guide	67

Excerpts

Love Talk Workbook for Men Copyright © 2004 by Les and Leslie Parrott
Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
ISBN 0-310-26212-7
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Published in association with INJOY, Inc., Duluth, Georgia.
Interior design by Michelle Espinoza
Printed in the United States of America
04 05 06 07 08 09 10 /.CH/ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
We want to hear from you. Please send your comments about this book to us in care of [e-mail]. Thank you.
EXERCISE 1
GETTING WHERE YOU WANT TO GO
Someone once said that the achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it. We certainly agree with that. But long before a commitment to a goal is made, one must thoroughly understand his goal. So in this first exercise we challenge you to drill down deep on this thought. We want you to give serious consideration to where you would like to be as a result of completing Love Talk.We have a few ways, right off the top, to help you do just that.
Begin by perusing the following list of potential goals as they relate to communication. Circle any and all that pertain to you. Of course, jot down the goal you may have that is not in this list.
• Be a better listener.
• Stay on point.
• Don’t finish my partner’s sentences.
• Curb my emotions when talking.
• Be more sensitive to my partner’s feelings.
• Think clearly before speaking.
• Avoid jumping to conclusions.
• Tune in to and discern my partner’s emotions.
• Maintain eye contact while talking.
• Be more vulnerable.
• Be more comfortable with conflict.
• Speak with more clarity.
• Invite and receive feedback.
• Use more humor.
• Come across personally warmer.
• Express more genuine interest.
• Be more assertive with my needs.
• Better assess when to talk.
• Don’t jump to conclusions.
Once you have circled the ones that pertain to you, note a specific time and place where you’d like to see that improvement. For example, if you circled “Be a better listener,” you may write next to it that you’d like to do that when your partner is talking about her day at work or maybe when she is talking about her mother. The point is to be specific so you can actually recognize and measure your improvement on this goal. So go back to this list now and write something beside the items you circled to make them more specific.
Next, consider the following five realms of communication and indicate on each of the scales where you see yourself on it. Be thoughtful and honest as you answer.
Information Sharing: Stating your thoughts and feelings with accuracy and clarity without getting sidetracked or embroiled in emotion.
Weak Strong 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Listening: Paying respectful attention to the content and feelings of another in a way that they know they have been accurately understood.
Weak Strong 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Conflict management: Being aware of conflict and employing methods to diffuse it and move beyond it.
Weak Strong 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Problem solving: Working out effective steps with one another to effectively and efficiently reach a desired state.
Weak Strong 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Skill selection: Determining which communication skills are most useful at specific times.
Weak Strong 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Once you have rated yourself on each of these five scales, you may want to have your partner rate you on these same items. This can heighten your self-awareness as you begin to articulate your communication goals.
Finally, in this exercise, write down two or three specific goals. Consider what you have done in the above exercise. Be specific. The more specific the better.
Goal 1: __________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
Goal 2: __________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
Goal 3: __________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
Exercise 1: Getting Where You Want to Go K 9
Now that you have put your specific goals in writing, be aware of the huge step you have just taken. Only a very small percentage of people put their goals in writing—but those who do are more than twice as likely to reach them as those who just talk about them. And what’s more, those who review their goals from time to time are ten times more likely to achieve them. So throughout Love Talk, we recommend that you revisit the goals to see how what you have just learned is bringing you closer to them.
Congratulations! You are off to a great start.

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Excerpted from Love Talk Workbook for Men by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.