Mother-Daughter Circle : Making Lifelong Connections with Your Teenager

by STRAUS, CELIA

• ISBN13: 9780345448866
• ISBN10: 0345448863
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2003-04-01
• Publisher: Ballantine Books

Summary

One of the deepest, most loving family relationships is between mother and daughter. But it can also be a bond fraught with tension, conflict, and tumultuous feelings, especially when girls reach adolescence. In this wise book, Celia Straus uses your spiritual nature as a common meeting ground where relationships can be transformed and healed with straightforward simple connections that will last a lifetime.By providing space for you to write down your feelings on a variety of topics, this book itself becomes a connection, a treasured gift to your child and a tangible tribute to your love for her. With comfort and candor, Celia guides you through the volatile territory of adolescence to a deeper relationship with your child. Her approach takes you step by step to a greater understanding of the effortless connections you and your daughter can make. By sharing intimate experiences from raising her own teenage daughters, as well as a wealth of perceptive insights and personal examples from other mothers and daughters, Celia allows every mother to effortlessly create her own sacred circle.

Excerpts

Connected Since Birth

The Night That You Were Born

The night that you were born, as the clock struck seven You came into this world, a gift from heaven. And all the nurses laughed, for your face was smiling To be here on the earth and be so beguiling. They say you had dimples where the angels kissed you As tokens of their love and to show they’d miss you. And you were blessed with life, a new soul parting The night that you were born, purest love just starting. Prayers on My Pillow

As parents, and friends, of children, we may take part in birthing our children, but they are here to birth something far more profound in us: the eyes to see as a child again. It’s not easy to see with a child’s eyes, so we are given the opportunity through our children. We are sent the bread of angels to experience the heart of God. In the Womb of God, by Celeste Snowber Schroeder

“When I saw my daughter for the first time, I was completely unprepared for what I would feel. It was such joy.” mother of thirteen-year-old

“We went to get her at the orphanage. I was extremely stressed out. I had waited so long for this moment, but I was also afraid. I didn’t know what I was going to feel, and that made me nervous. But when I saw her, I just melted. I still melt.” mother of adopted ten-year-old from Colombia

“Whenever I get really angry at Monica, I try to think back on the last time I breast-fed her. I had to go back to work, and she took to the bottle. It didn’t make sense to continue. But I remember looking down and loving her so much and thinking this part is going to stop now, and I started crying. I got her little face all wet with my tears. So when I get mad, I think about how I felt then.” mother of eleven-year-old

“I remember the birth of every one of my girls, and each time, for me, it was like what I imagine looking at the face of God would be.” mother of five girls, ages 8 to 25

“I chose home birthing because I wanted to welcome her into the world in the most loving and gentle way I could think of.” mother of fifteen-year-old

“One of my favorite times is when my mom talks about how it was when she gave birth to me. I just love to hear her talk about that.” Sara, age 12

“My mom’s pregnant-with-me stories are hysterical.” Alexis, age 17

“Sometimes I ask my mother to tell me everything about when I was born.” Michelle, age 15

“I love it when I’m sick and she stays up and comforts me by telling me stories about when I was little.” Chanie, age 13

“My mother says she played the piano the whole time I was in her tummy. I think that is why I like music better than anything.” Rebecca, age 9

When my daughters and I share stories, our favorites are about how they were born. If I forget something, like the name of the movie my husband and I were watching when I started having contractions when pregnant with Julia (Victor/Victoria), or how Emily was fed for the first three days with an eyedropper, they remind me. Julia’s story chronicles an anxiety-free, “glowing” first pregnancy culminating with the delivery of a plump eight-and-a-half-pound baby girl.

Emily’s story is quite the opposite. It is about a risky pregnancy, some of which was spent in bed, culminating almost two months early with a C-section and delivery of a scrawny, four-pound baby girl. I tell them other stories about the often humorous ways I met the challenges of first- time motherhood. (Like the time I took Julia in a portable bassinet to a local restaurant, was seated at a booth, stored her safely away under the table, where she went to sleep, and then completely forgot about her. Luckily the appalled waiter noticed before I left.) However, their birthing stories are what make the strongest connections, because in each telling we experience, together, an awareness of the first mother-daughter bond.

Our birthing stories are personal myths filled with adventure and wonder. In each telling we feel the essential mystery of life. I describe how, when I held them close as infants, I was filled with a deep contentment and love. The quality of my experience was intense because, for the moment, I was completely aware that this was the exact and only place we needed to be, my baby daughter and I. I felt in tune with life. My daughter connects with me during the telling. Why? She was one of two heroines in the story.

So let’s continue to share our birthing stories. It doesn’t have to be the whole story. Your story may be an action-packed adventure, like my friend Joy’s, who gave birth to her daughter while sitting backward in the passenger seat of her Jeep Wrangler at night in a rainstorm as she instructed her friend, who until that night had never driven a stick shift, on how to drive. Or, you may want to describe a more peaceful moment:

OUR BIRTH MOMENT WAS WHEN . . .

Communicating with our children often begins before they are born. While life forms inside our wombs, we do monologues reflecting a wide range of emotions from overwhelming love and joyous anticipation to occasional anger and resentment. When I was pregnant with Emily, a routine sonogram during my second trimester showed a prematurely aging placenta, which put her at grave risk. I was sent to bed to spend the last months of my pregnancy in solitude. I was forced to surrender into myself, allowing God to grow and shape my daughter. For a person who took pride in multitasking and efficient use of time, it was a challenge to learn to be patient, to allow life to happen instead of trying to control it.

Without voicing a word, I found myself in continuous conversation with my daughter, encouraging her to grow and thrive. We were partners, I’d tell her, teammates working on the lung development project together. When I ate a sandwich, I asked her how she liked it. When I heard a song from one of my favorite rock groups, I promised her that later on she’d get to see, for example, Creedence Clearwater Revival performing “Who’ll Stop the Rain?”

We were soul mates in the most literal sense. What kinds of conversations did you carry on with your daughter during your pregnancy? Did you have a pet name for your little soul mate? A particular prayer? A favorite song or lullaby? How did you connect with someone you’d never seen but already loved?

---

Excerpted from The Mother-Daughter Circle: Making Lifelong Connections with Your Teenager by Celia Straus
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.