The Motherhood Club

Summary

From the sheer exhaustion of multiple middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes to the exasperation of a colicky baby, most women are completely unprepared for the reality of life as a new parent. No matter how hard they labored in the delivery room, the real work begins when they take their babies home. In today's mobile society, many women live far from their families and often have no help past the first week or two postpartum. Until now, books read by mothers-to-be focus on the infant not the mother. In this fascinating book, new mothers share their most intimate thoughts on the joys and challenges of one of life's most precious and rewarding roles. The Motherhood Club contains candid, reassuring stories by first-time moms from all walks of life as they adjust to motherhood. Their accounts will inspire, uplift and support new mothers as they learn to find their own way. Included are essays about loneliness, fear of putting baby into daycare, the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding, a changing body image, and the many moods of postpartum depression. At the end of each chapter, coauthors Shirley Washington and Ann Dunnewold, a licensed psychologist specializing in women's reproductive issues, dispel many myths of new motherhood with Dunnewold offering solid clinical analysis and advice.

Foreword

xiii

Acknowledgments

xix

Introduction

xxiii

A Mother's Life---The Mothering Instinct Myth

(22)

This mother learned to trust her instincts

Shirley Washington

Baby Bliss---Living the Myth

(16)

This mother was happy most of the time after she had her baby

Donna Thomson

Baby Balance---The good Mother Myth

(18)

This mother was concerned about loving her newborn twin girls equally

Sarah Thomas

Body Beautiful---The I Can Control My Body Myth

(46)

This mother learned to love her body again after she had her baby

Casey Priest

Baby Connection---The Bonding Myths

This mother was terribly disappointed because she did not feel connected to her baby when she was born

(26)

Elizabeth Gambrell

This mother begged doctors to save her unborn baby's life instead of her own during delivery

Andrea Thompson

Breast Is Best---The Breastfeeding Myth

103

(16)

This mother had a hard time nursing her baby

Deborah Roberts

Decisions, Decisions---The Super Mom Myth

119

(20)

This mother worried about decisions she made for her baby

Kimberly Washington

This mother was concerned about how her baby's personality was developing

Angela Hsu

Family Foundation---The Family Ties Myths

139

(24)

This mother had a hard time dealing with company after her baby was born

Maria Baquero

This mother didn't realize how much she missed her parents until she had her baby

Marielle Arrieh Johary

From ``Me'' to ``Mom''--- The Most Wonderful Time of Your Life Myth

163

(36)

This mother left her baby home alone

Annette Brigham

This mother was extremely lonesome after having her baby

Michelle Goldsmith

This mother of identical twin boys had a tough time giving up her independence

Tracy Bice

Letting Go--- The Mother Always Makes It Better Myth

199

(38)

This mother felt guilty after eating food that didn't agree with her baby

Lori Morris

This mother's baby was born with challenging medical problems

Terri Brown

This mother had fears about her baby choking

Leisa Hart

Listening--- The Bad Mother Myth

237

(22)

This mother learned a valuable lesson about listening to her baby's voice

Myra J.

This mother learned that advice from others is not always the final answer

Lisa Rayam

Mothering Solo---The Perfect Little Families Myth

259

(24)

This mother juggled college, work and caring for her baby

Kalani Patterson

This mother struggled with caring for her baby alone

Rosaura Aburto McDonough

Separation Anxiety---The Working Mother Myth

283

(16)

This mother feared her baby wouldn't remember her after being in child care daily

Amanda Davis

Turning Point---The Job of Mother Myth

299

(28)

This mother triumphed over depression after giving birth to identical twin girls

Ruthanne Kern

Postpartum Realities

327

(8)

Understanding the symptoms and warning signs of postpartum depression

Afterword

335

(4)

Epilogue

339

(4)

Appendix

343

(4)

Organizations That Support Mothers

347

(4)

Supplemental Materials

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Excerpts

Introduction Welcome to the Motherhood Club! It is an exclusive club that welcomes all women who have received the greatest gift ever: a baby. Because of your precious gift you have entered into the sanctity of motherhood and have earned the coveted and endearing title: Mother. You will wear that label proudlyùlike a badge of honorùbecause becoming a mother is the most wonderful, fulfilling and rewarding experience you will ever have. It doesn't matter whether you received your gift in a courtroom or a delivery room, the fact is, you are now a full-fledged member of a highly elite club. Members include teen mothers, single mothers, married mothers, adoptive mothers, step mothers, stay-at-home mothers and working mothers. And while they come from various walks of life and various racial, social and economic backgrounds, they all share a common bond: They are mothers. No other event makes you so much an adult as becoming a mother: not education, establishing a career, buying a car, getting married or buying a house. And no other event changes you in such surprising and revealing ways as becoming a mother. In order to maintain membership in the Motherhood Club, you must pay never-ending dues. They are tallied every time you hold, feed, burp, bathe, dress, undress, rock, shelter, protect and pray for your baby, and for yourself. I can attest to the fact that you will rely more and more on your religious faith as you settle into your most challenging and rewarding role. Sometimes, you will pray out loud; other times, you will mumble incoherently under your breath as you make your way through the first couple of weeks of mothering. I call that the "initiation period." The initiation period is the time it takes to adjust to having a baby and to being a mother. It is one of the most physically, emotionally and psychologically challenging experiences you will ever have. It is a time when you will break down and cry, but you won't know why. It is a time when you will look in a mirror and hate everything about your body. And it is a time when you will exude the splendor of motherhood outside, but feel strong mixed emotions inside. That can be awfully confusing at times because society expects motherhood to be "the most wonderful time in your life." But the truth of the matter is we aren't very good about anticipating fear, panic and disenchantment. Those feelings aren't portrayed in the average media advertisements about motherhood. The initiation period is also filled with intense change, much like the adjustment period after any other major life transition. For example, it is expected and perfectly understandable to have tears and doubts before your wedding, or to take time to feel like a couple with your new spouse. We expect to have to settle into a new job, or to take weeks to make a new house feel like home. And yet we expect to automatically feel like a mother. While some mothers settle into their new role in a matter of days, others take a

Excerpted from The Motherhood Club: Help, Hope and Inspiration for New Mothers from New Mothers by Shirley Washington, Ann L. Dunnewold
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