Negotiating For Dummies

by Donaldson, Michael C.; Frohnmayer, David

• ISBN13: 9780470045220
• ISBN10: 0470045221
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2007-02-05
• Publisher: For Dummies

Summary

People who can't or won't negotiate on their own behalf run the risk of paying too much, earning too little, and always feeling like they're getting gypped. Negotiating For Dummies, Second, Edition offers tips and strategies to help you become a more comfortable and effective negotiator. And, it shows you negotiating can improve many of your everyday transactions-everything from buying a car to upping your salary. Find out how to: Develop a negotiating style Map out the opposition Set goals and limits Listen, then ask the right question Interpret body language Say what you mean with crystal clarity Deal with difficult people Push the pause button Close the deal Featuring new information on re-negotiating, as well as online, phone, and international negotiations, Negotiating for Dummies, Second Edition, helps you enter any negotiation with confidence and come out feeling like a winner.

Author Biography

Michael C. Donaldson is an ex-Marine. As a 1st Lieutenant, he was selected to be Officer-In-Charge of the first Marine ground combat unit in Vietnam. He went on to earn his law degree from the University of California at Berkeley (Boalt Hall) where he was student body president. He raised his three lovely daughters (Michelle, Amy, and Wendy) as a single parent and is now the proud grandfather of two healthy and happy grandsons (Soul and Caden). He is an avid skier, worldwide hiker, and award-wining photographer. He competed in the Senior Olympics in Gymnastics, winning gold medals for the parallel bars in 1996, 1997, and 1998 and a silver metal for rings in 1998.
In his successful entertainment law practice, Michael represents writers, directors, and producers. He was co-chairman of the Entertainment Section of the Beverly Hills Bar Association and is listed in Who’s Who of American Law. His book Clearance and Copyright is used in 50 film schools across the country.
Michael travels extensively to universities, annual meetings, and corporate headquarters throughout the United States, Asia, and Europe to lead workshops on the topic of negotiating. His expertise, developed over a lifetime of experience and learning, makes him a highly sought-after speaker. Michael’s expansive knowledge of negotiating coupled with his energetic and engaging style delivers powerful results to each seminar attendee.

Table of Contents

Foreword	p. xix
Introduction	p. 1
Who Needs to Read This Book?	p. 1
Foolish Assumptions	p. 2
About This Book	p. 2
How This Book Is Organized	p. 3
Preparing to Negotiate	p. 3
Getting Your Point Across	p. 4
Getting Past the Glitches to Close It Up	p. 4
Conducting Cross-Cultural and Complex Negotiations	p. 5
The Part of Tens	p. 5
Icons Used in This Book	p. 5
Where to Go from Here	p. 6
Preparing to Negotiate	p. 7
Negotiating for Life	p. 9
When Am I Negotiating?	p. 10
The Six Basic Skills of Negotiating	p. 10
Prepare	p. 11
Set goals and limits	p. 13
Listen	p. 13
Be clear	p. 14
Push the pause button	p. 17
Closing the deal	p. 17
Handling All Sorts of Negotiations	p. 18
When negotiations get complicated	p. 18
International negotiations	p. 19
Negotiations between men and women	p. 19
Negotiation on the phone and via the Internet	p. 20
Knowing What You Want and Preparing to Get It	p. 21
Creating Your Vision	p. 22
Envisioning your future	p. 23
Making a commitment	p. 26
Identifying your values	p. 28
Deciding How You Are Going to Achieve Your Vision	p. 29
The three-year plan	p. 29
Putting your plan into action	p. 31
Preparing Yourself for Negotiation	p. 32
A is for Alert	p. 33
Dressing for success	p. 33
Walking through the door	p. 35
Leaving enough time	p. 36
Defining Your Space	p. 37
Negotiating on your home turf	p. 37
Seating with purpose	p. 38
Planning the environment far in advance	p. 39
Mapping the Opposition	p. 41
Identifying the Person Conducting the Negotiation	p. 42
Filling Out the Information Checklist	p. 44
Determining the Negotiator's Level of Authority	p. 47
Finding the Negotiator's Key Client	p. 49
Aiming to please	p. 49
Making it personal	p. 49
Focusing on the Negotiator's Interests	p. 51
Recognizing faults that can trip you up	p. 51
Preparing is essential, even if it's someone you know	p. 52
Knowing the Marketplace	p. 53
Gathering Information: The One with the Most Knowledge Wins	p. 53
Browsing the Internet	p. 54
Visiting the library	p. 54
Shopping the competition	p. 55
Asking questions	p. 55
Reading insider reports	p. 56
Consulting Consumer Reports	p. 56
Playing Detective and Evaluating Info	p. 57
Solving the mystery of value	p. 58
Recognizing agendas: The source shades the results	p. 59
Staying informed	p. 59
Preparing from the General to the Specific	p. 60
Time	p. 60
Quality	p. 60
Quantity	p. 61
Changes	p. 61
Risk	p. 62
Strategic relationship	p. 62
Setting Goals	p. 63
Setting a Good Goal	p. 64
Getting active participation from every team member	p. 65
Keeping the goals on course	p. 66
Setting the right number of goals	p. 67
Setting specific rather than general goals	p. 67
Setting challenging yet attainable goals	p. 68
Prioritizing your goals	p. 69
Separating Long-Range Goals from Short-Range Goals	p. 69
Setting the Opening Offer	p. 70
Breaking the Stone Tablet	p. 71
Setting and Enforcing Limits	p. 73
What It Means to Set Limits	p. 74
Setting Limits in Three Easy Steps	p. 75
Know that you have other choices	p. 75
Know what the other choices are	p. 76
Know your "or else"	p. 77
Enforcing Your Limits	p. 78
Write down your limits	p. 78
Establish your resistance point	p. 78
Tell your team the limits	p. 79
Never paint yourself into a corner	p. 80
Practicing Negotiating toward a Limit	p. 80
How to Tell the Other Party When You're the One Walking Away	p. 81
The Consequences of Not Setting Limits	p. 84
Re-examining Your Limits	p. 85
Sometimes, the Best Deal in Town Is No Deal at All	p. 85
Getting Your Point Across	p. 87
Listening - Really, Truly Listening	p. 89
Two Quick and Easy Starter Tips to Better Listening	p. 90
Six Barriers to Being a Good Listener	p. 91
The defense mechanism	p. 91
Weak self-confidence (the butterflies)	p. 93
The energy drag	p. 94
Habit	p. 95
The preconception	p. 96
Not expecting value in others	p. 97
Becoming a Good Listener	p. 97
Clear away the clutter	p. 97
Take notes	p. 99
Ask questions	p. 100
Count to three	p. 100
Wake yourself up	p. 101
Listening Your Way up the Corporate Ladder	p. 101
Asking the Right Questions	p. 103
Tickle It Out: The Art of Coaxing Out Information	p. 103
Battling the jargon	p. 105
Clarifying relativity	p. 105
Asking Good Questions: A Real Power Tool	p. 107
Avoid intimidation	p. 109
Ask, don't tell	p. 110
Avoid leading questions	p. 111
Don't assume anything	p. 112
Ask open-ended questions	p. 113
Ask again	p. 114
Use your asks wisely	p. 115
Accept no substitutes	p. 116
Dealing with Unacceptable Responses	p. 116
Don't tolerate the dodge	p. 116
Don't accept an assertion for the answer	p. 117
Don't allow too many pronouns	p. 117
Look for Evidence of Listening	p. 118
Listening to Body Language	p. 119
Everybody's Bilingual	p. 120
It's written all over your face	p. 120
Silent signals from the rest of the body	p. 120
Remember to listen	p. 121
What Our Bodies Can Say	p. 122
Matching your body language with your words	p. 123
Reading someone else's body language	p. 124
Interpreting conflicting messages	p. 124
Emphasizing with body language	p. 126
Using Your Knowledge of Body Language in Your Next Negotiation	p. 127
Knowing where to stand	p. 128
Making the first contact	p. 129
Showing that you're receptive (and knowing if your counterpart isn't)	p. 129
Seeing a change of heart	p. 132
Ferreting out boredom	p. 135
Wearing your confidence on your sleeve	p. 135
Closing the deal	p. 136
Don't Believe Everything You See	p. 137
Different strokes for different folks	p. 138
Consider the context	p. 138
Prepare for the bluff	p. 138
Tuning In to Your Inner Voice	p. 141
The Origins of Your Inner Voice	p. 142
The conscious and subconscious mind	p. 142
Left brain vs. right brain	p. 144
Processing Information for decision making	p. 144
Bringing Out Your Inner Voice	p. 145
Quieting your mind	p. 145
Brainstorming	p. 146
Heeding Special Messages	p. 148
Shady characters	p. 148
Questionable deals	p. 150
Pre-buyer's remorse	p. 150
Being Crystal Clear: Telling It Like It Is	p. 151
What Being Clear Means	p. 151
Organizing Your Thoughts for Clarity	p. 152
P.R.E.P. for a presentation	p. 152
Outline your points	p. 153
Tell 'em once, tell 'em twice, tell 'em again	p. 153
Tips for Being Clear	p. 154
Know your purpose or goals	p. 155
Cut the mumbo-jumbo	p. 155
Keep your commitments	p. 156
Write it down	p. 156
Try being a journalist	p. 157
Steering Others to Clarity	p. 159
Tangent people	p. 159
Interrupters	p. 159
Unprepared people	p. 160
Too busy to be clear	p. 160
Capturing an Audience	p. 161
When You Have to Say No	p. 162
Barriers to Clarity	p. 163
Fear of rejection	p. 163
Fear of hurting someone else	p. 164
General distractions	p. 164
The High Cost of Not Being Clear	p. 165
The highest cost of all	p. 165
Deals that disappear	p. 166
The prices you pay without even knowing	p. 167
Worst case: The deal closes	p. 167
Phrases You Should Never Use during a Negotiation	p. 168
"Trust me"	p. 168
"I'm going to be honest with you"	p. 168
"Take it or leave it"	p. 169
"You'll never work in this town again"	p. 169
A slur of any kind	p. 170
How to Really Garble Communication	p. 171
Raise your voice	p. 171
Leave out details	p. 171
Don't check to see if you were understood	p. 171
Walk away and talk at the same time	p. 172
Assume that everyone understands you	p. 172
Don't permit any objections or questions	p. 172
Getting Past the Glitches to Close It Up	p. 173
Pushing the Pause Button to Turn Off the Hot Buttons	p. 175
Defining the Pause Button	p. 176
Telling the Other Person That You Need a Pause	p. 178
Checking with the boss: A classic that needs a little prep	p. 178
Taking notes now for pauses later	p. 179
Coming up with a few pause buttons	p. 179
Knowing When to Pause	p. 180
Pausing before a concession	p. 181
Pausing under pressure	p. 182
If You're Not the Only One to Pause	p. 182
Dealing with Your Hot Buttons and Other Emotional Responses	p. 184
Identifying your hot Buttons	p. 185
Pushing the pause button on anger	p. 185
Expressing enthusiasm	p. 187
Employing a positive attitude	p. 188
Acting assertively	p. 189
Dealing with discouragement	p. 190
Handling Stressful Situations	p. 192
At War with yourself	p. 193
Stop, look, and listen...before you have a meltdown	p. 193
Dealing with Difficult People and Situations	p. 195
Office Pests	p. 195
Responding to offensive behavior	p. 195
Handling the passive-aggressive co-worker	p. 198
Staying in control during a meeting	p. 200
Personality Types That Block Closing	p. 202
The bully	p. 203
The screamer	p. 204
The star or the boss	p. 206
The biased buyer	p. 207
Closing the Deal and Feeling Good About It	p. 209
Good Deals, Bad Deals, and Win-Win Negotiating	p. 210
Assessing the deal	p. 211
Creating win-win deals	p. 213
Concessions vs. Conditions	p. 216
What It Means to Close a Deal	p. 218
Understanding the Letter of the Law	p. 219
Legal definition of a closed deal	p. 219
Offers and counteroffers	p. 220
Written versus oral contracts	p. 220
Legal protection before the contract	p. 221
Recognizing When to Close	p. 221
Knowing How to Close	p. 222
The good closer	p. 223
The only three closing strategies you'll ever need	p. 224
Using linkage to close	p. 224
Barriers to Closing	p. 226
Overcoming fears	p. 226
Overcoming objections	p. 228
Closing When It's All in the Family	p. 231
When the Deal Is Done	p. 232
Review the process	p. 232
Set up systems for checking the system	p. 233
Remember to celebrate!	p. 234
When the Deal Just Won't Seem to Close	p. 235
Overcoming the Glitches	p. 235
Dirty Tricks That Torment	p. 236
A constant change of position	p. 236
Good cop, bad cop	p. 237
The invisible partner	p. 238
The double message	p. 240
Nickel and diming	p. 240
"Let's split the difference and be done"	p. 242
The hidden agenda	p. 242
Addressing Red Flags That Come Up When It's Time to Close	p. 244
"If you accept this price, I'll have a lot more work for you in the future"	p. 244
"We're in such a rush, why don't we start without a contract?"	p. 245
"We're such good friends, let's get started right away"	p. 245
Dealing with a Bad Negotiating Environment	p. 246
Managing Conflict When the Deal Won't Close	p. 248
The Ultimate Glitch: Someone Walks Away	p. 249
If the other party walks away	p. 250
If the other party comes crawling back	p. 250
If one of your competitors walks away	p. 251
If you're the one walking away	p. 252
Starting All Over Again	p. 253
Conducting Cross-Cultural and Complex Negotiations	p. 255
International Negotiating	p. 257
Understanding "Culture" Before You Negotiate Across the Globe	p. 258
Respecting cultural differences	p. 258
Speaking like a native when you aren't	p. 259
Directing your research to the right culture, subculture, or individual	p. 262
Preparing for a Negotiating Session with Someone from Another Culture	p. 262
Deciding whom to invite	p. 263
Hiring an interpreter	p. 263
How quick to the kill?	p. 265
If a meal is involved	p. 266
Listening Around the World	p. 267
Listening in Bali	p. 267
Listening in America	p. 268
Listening in Japan	p. 268
Speaking to Foreigners	p. 268
Observing Body Language	p. 270
Overcoming Unique Issues in International Negotiations	p. 271
Choice of language	p. 272
Currency fluctuations	p. 272
Time differences	p. 273
Closing Around the World	p. 274
Good ol' U.S. of A	p. 274
Middle East	p. 275
Japan	p. 275
Negotiating with the Opposite Sex	p. 277
Conversing Between the Sexes	p. 277
Bridging the gap	p. 278
Tips for women	p. 278
Tips for men	p. 279
Four Strategies for Women Who Want Men to Hear Them	p. 280
Avoid apologies	p. 281
Be brief	p. 282
Be direct; don't hint	p. 283
Avoid emotional displays	p. 284
Four Strategies for Men Who Want Women to Hear Them	p. 285
Don't be condescending	p. 286
Share before deciding	p. 286
Share something personal	p. 287
Avoid emotional displays	p. 288
Negotiating with Your Spouse, Your Boss, or Your Most Important Customer	p. 290
How negotiations within long-term relationships are different	p. 290
Tips for negotiating in long-term relationships	p. 291
Special preparations	p. 292
Complex Negotiations	p. 293
The Elements of a Complex Negotiation	p. 294
Handling the media	p. 294
Controlling your emotions	p. 298
Taking a vote	p. 298
Dealing with multiple parties at the table	p. 300
Wading through multiple issues	p. 300
Putting Your Skills to Work in Complex Negotiations	p. 302
Prepare	p. 303
Set goals, set limits	p. 303
Listen	p. 304
Be clear	p. 304
Push the pause button	p. 305
Closing	p. 306
Building Your Team	p. 307
Going Back for More: The Renegotiation	p. 308
A scheduled renegotiation	p. 309
An unscheduled renegotiation	p. 309
A conditionally scheduled renegotiation	p. 310
But I like the contract and I think it's fair	p. 311
Blind Negotiating: Telephone and Internet	p. 313
Putting in the Call	p. 314
Getting past the gatekeeper	p. 314
Leaving a message	p. 315
Hitting "0"	p. 316
Wording your voice mail greeting	p. 316
Assembling the Participants for a Telephone Chat	p. 317
Gathering in front of the telephonic campfire	p. 317
Conferencing with your own equipment	p. 317
Hiring outside help	p. 318
Making the Most of Your Telephone Negotiation	p. 318
Crisp beginnings	p. 319
When the meeting starts	p. 319
Speaking with authority	p. 320
Questions to ask on the telephone	p. 321
Shaking hands over the phone	p. 322
Negotiating via E-Mail	p. 322
The Part of Tens	p. 327
Ten Personality Traits of Top Negotiators	p. 329
Empathy	p. 330
Respect	p. 330
Personal Integrity	p. 331
Fairness	p. 331
Patience	p. 332
Responsibility	p. 332
Flexibility	p. 333
Sense of Humor	p. 333
Self-Discipline	p. 333
Stamina	p. 334
Ten Key Negotiations of Your Life	p. 335
Asking for a Raise	p. 335
Buying a Used Car	p. 337
Buying Engagement and Wedding Rings	p. 338
Planning a Wedding	p. 339
Buying a Home	p. 340
Negotiating a Home Improvement Contract	p. 342
Negotiating a Divorce Settlement	p. 343
Negotiating about Naptime, Curfew, Dessert, and Other Childhood Necessities	p. 344
Preparing to negotiate with your kids	p. 345
Setting limits for minors	p. 345
Listening to your kids	p. 345
Parenting with clarity	p. 346
Pushing the parental pause button	p. 346
Closing with kids	p. 346
Choosing Medical Care for an Incapacitated Parent	p. 347
Buying Funeral Services	p. 348
Index	p. 349
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