Net-Wit.Com: A Smorgasbord of E-Mail and Internet Wit Blended With Humorous Incidents from the Author's Wild and Wooly Life

by Rubinstein, Marvin

• ISBN13: 9781887563529
• ISBN10: 1887563520
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-09-01
• Publisher: Natl Book Network

Summary

Humour on and off the Internet, gathered under a variety of headings, from funny statements by celebrities to people who died laughing and left us a token of their humour inscribed on their tombstone. This small volume is in effect a veritable encyclopaedia of humour for the cyber age. It was written with the stated belief that by laughing we can live longer and feel better. The author's lifelong passion for humour has resulted in a collection of golden oldies alongside the latest e-mail and Internet jokes.

Table of Contents

Humor on the Internet	xi
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Hee! Hee! Hee!	xii
A Long, Long Laughing Life	xviii
FOR OPENERS
Mr. or Ms. Computer?	25	(1)
Personal Humor-Family and Friends	26	(10)
Irreverent Humor	36	(16)
LAUGHTER AND LANGUAGE
Linguistic Confusion Overseas	52	(4)
Exporters Beware-Some Amusing Ads	56	(2)
Domestic Signs	58	(3)
Product Labels	61	(1)
Newspaper Headlines	62	(3)
Church Bulletins	65	(3)
Fuzzy-Wuzzies	68	(5)
DUBIOUS DICTIONARIES
Word Disabuse - A Lexicon	73	(3)
Political Correctness (Deceptive Doublespeak)	76	(9)
Chinese-American Dictionary	85	(1)
Yiddish-American Dictionary	86	(1)
Devil's Dictionary Addendum	87	(4)
WORTSPIEL
Anagrams, Anagrams, Ever Loving Anagrams	91	(2)
Vanitas Vanitatum	93	(3)
A Bumper Crop of Laughs	96	(8)
Logically Consistent Oxymorons	104	(2)
What a Difference a Letter Makes	106	(5)
ADVENTURESOME ADVERTISING
Absurd Advertisements	111	(3)
Jewish Personal Ads	114	(3)
Personal Ad Abbreviations	117	(4)
HE SAID - SHE SAID
Masculine Opinions on Marriage	121	(2)
So I Told My Wife	123	(1)
My Ideal Man (As Time Goes By)	124	(1)
Stages of Life - Two Perspectives	125	(3)
The Mating Word Game	128	(5)
LAWYERS AND OTHER CHARACTERS
Shoot All the Lawyers	133	(6)
Let Others Join the Legal Lights	139	(4)
Students Say the Dumbest Things	143	(3)
They Don't Stand a Prayer	146	(2)
The Older the Dumber	148	(7)
HOMILIES AND ANOMALIES
Homilies - Well, Sort Of	155	(4)
Homilies for Hackers	159	(1)
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?	160	(2)
Never Beat a Dead Horse	162	(3)
THE QUICK AND THE DEAD
Burma Shave	165	(5)
The Golden Years	170	(1)
How to Die Laughing	171	(4)
Grave Situations	175	(8)
MISCELLANY
Fortune Cookies	183	(4)
Scrawls on Bathroom Walls	187	(2)
Messages from Nobody's Home	189	(2)
Discarded Greeting Cards	191	(1)
Viagra	192	(2)
The World's Greatest Lies Updated	194	(1)
A Hell of a Shituation	195	(1)
Shaggy Dogs	196	(3)
And You Think You Had a Bad Day	199	(2)
De Gustibus	201	(4)
PARTING SHOTS
Letters and Levity	205	(4)
Pet Peeves	209	(3)
The Flatulent Society	212	(3)
Layperson's Guide to Social Intercourse about Sexual Intercourse	215	(14)
On Occasional Impotence	229	(3)
Petit Finale	232