Online Dating For Dummies

by Silverstein, Judith; Lasky, Michael

• ISBN13: 9780764538155
• ISBN10: 0764538152
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-11-21
• Publisher: For Dummies

Summary

Chances are, you've heard about Internet dating from a friend, or an online banner ad has caught your eye. If you've given online dating a passing consideration, you may have some fears from all those graphic horror stories that jar your senses and your sensibilities. Or you may think that meeting people via the Internet is only for the disenfranchised or socially unskilled.From their own experiences, 20 million people can tell you otherwise. Online Dating For Dummies will get you off the fence and on the Internet dating path with the skill of a seasoned pro. Like your best friend, this fun reference will give you the straight scoop on Gearing up with the right computer hardware Overcoming preconceived notions of who is online Talking the online lingo Enjoying conversation in chat rooms Considering date site options Establishing your screen identity Facing the consequences of not posting a photo Internet dating is growing at double-digit rates every year, while other forms of finding a connection are flat or falling off. Internet dating, although far from perfect, is becoming the most effective and efficient method of getting introduced to a large number of available singles. Online Dating For Dummies shows you how to get your feet wet and how to dive in, making informed choices and exercising good judgment as you Sign up for a trial run on a dating site Try to describe yourself for your personal profile Initiate your first e-mail contact Make your first in-person meeting memorable Identify frauds and players Figure out what not to do if you really want to meet someone Jumping into online dating with no preparation at all is possible but not practical. If you follow the techniques in this friendly guide, your odds of meeting great potential matches will greatly improve, and you'll have far more fun in the process.

Author Biography

Judith Silverstein, MD, and Michael Lasky, JD, not only wrote this book together, but they actually found each other through online dating.

Table of Contents

Introduction	1	(6)
About This Book	2	(1)
Conventions Used in This Book	2	(1)
Foolish Assumptions	2	(1)
How This Book Is Organized	3	(2)
Part I: Making Online Dating Work for You	3	(1)
Part II: So Many Online Dating Sites, So Little Time	3	(1)
Part III: Jumping Aboard for the Online Time of Your Life	4	(1)
Part IV: Initiating Contact: You've Got Mail	4	(1)
Part V: Skirting the Hazards of Online Dating	4	(1)
Part VI: The Part of Tens	5	(1)
Icons Used in This Book	5	(1)
Where to Go from Here	6	(1)
Tell Us What You Think	6	(1)
Part I: Making Online Bating Work far You	7	(30)
Chapter 1:The Magic of Online Dating	9	(6)
Adding a Little Order to Your Dating	10	(1)
Why Online Dating Is a Good Idea	11	(2)
An almost limitless supply of people are online	11	(1)
Internet dating is way more convenient than traditional dating	12	(1)
You can parallel-date at warp speed	12	(1)
Internet dating eliminates the awkwardness of first introductions	13	(1)
Unlocking Internet Dating Secrets	13	(1)
Overcoming Preconceived Notions of Who Is Online	14	(1)
Chapter 2: Considering the Alternatives to Online Dating	15	(14)
Traditional Ways to Find a Date without a Computer	16	(7)
Fishing off the company pier: Meeting people at work	16	(1)
Meeting people at bars and other smoky places	17	(1)
Meeting people at your church or religiously sponsored singles event	18	(1)
Meeting people at social or special-interest clubs	18	(1)
Meeting people on cruise ships and singles vacations	19	(1)
Relying on luck: Meeting people in random places	20	(1)
Meeting people through personal ads	21	(1)
Meeting people through your friends	22	(1)
Getting desperate: Meeting people on blind dates	22	(1)
Newer Ways to Find a Date (Mostly) without a Computer	23	(6)
Joining an arranged lunch club	23	(2)
Video dating	25	(1)
Speed (or turbo) dating	25	(1)
Going to chat rooms	26	(3)
Chapter 3: Maximizing Your Ability to Connect Online	29	(8)
Gearing Up with the Hard Stuff (Hardware Needs)	29	(2)
Get thee to a computer, any computer	30	(1)
Select thine link to the Internet	30	(1)
Buyeth a printer	31	(1)
Acquiring the Soft Goods (Software Needs)	31	(2)
Examining the two types of e-mail accounts	32	(1)
Creating a special e-mail account for dating only	32	(1)
Using instant messaging	33	(1)
Talking the Talk: Internet Lingo	33	(6)
Internet dating-specific terms and acronyms	34	(1)
Emoticons: Keyboard smileys and such	34	(3)
Part II: So Many Online Dating Sites, So Little Time	37	(56)
Chapter 4: Wheeling and Dealing: Dating Site Cost Options	39	(12)
Talk About a Bargain!	39	(2)
Comparing the cost of the competition	40	(1)
Comparing the cost of a real date	40	(1)
Facing the Consequences of Using Free Sites	41	(3)
Weeding through the Internet advertisements	42	(1)
Limited scope of coverage	42	(1)
Lack of sophisticated features	43	(1)
Lack of supervision	43	(1)
No barriers to entry	43	(1)
The Way to Go: Pay Sites	44	(7)
Determining how much you have to pay	45	(1)
Getting the best deal	46	(1)
Paying the piper	46	(1)
Maintaining your privacy	47	(1)
Suspending or removing your posting	48	(3)
Chapter 5: Spotting the Differences from Site to Site	51	(18)
Picking a Dating Site with the Right Personality	52	(13)
Structure: Do ya love it or hate it?	54	(5)
E-mail boxes: Yours or theirs?	59	(2)
How would you like to break the ice?	61	(2)
Having R2D2 pick your date: Letting the dating site suggest a match	63	(1)
I always feel like somebody's watching me	64	(1)
Avoiding the Deadwood	65	(1)
Protecting Your Anonymity	66	(1)
"Um, This Is Not What I Bargained For" (The Sex Sites)	66	(3)
Online sexual solicitations	67	(1)
Legit sexually oriented dating sites	67	(1)
Steering Clear of Those "E-Mail Order" Brides	68	(1)
Chapter 6: A Tour of the Sites: Your Inside Guide	69	(24)
Yahoo.com (Personals.yahoo.com)	70	(4)
Match.com	74	(6)
Lavalife.com	80	(4)
JDate.com	84	(5)
Considering a Whole Lotta Other Sites	89	(4)
Part III: Jumping Aboard for the Online Time of Your Life
Chapter 7: Signing Up for a Trial Run	93	(6)
A Tour of a Site Isn't a Trial Run	93	(2)
A tour is a complete waste of time!	94	(1)
Hey, a tour is quick and easy, so go for it	94	(1)
Locating a tour's jump-off point	94	(1)
Finding a Site That Has a True Trial Run	95	(2)
Using Your Trial-Run Period Wisely	97	(1)
Deciding What to Do After Your Trial Run	98	(1)
Chapter 8: Establishing Your Screen Identity	99	(8)
Making a Great First Impression	99	(1)
Choosing a Screen Name That Enhances Your Attractiveness	100	(2)
Picking an Effective Tagline	102	(5)
Figuring out what to write	102	(1)
Using a tagline that pulls double duty	103	(2)
Checking how your tagline gets displayed	105	(2)
Chapter 9: Yeah! Multiple-Choice Questions	107	(12)
Getting Past Your Grand Illusion	107	(1)
Chugging Through the Q&A	108	(11)
Marital status	109	(2)
Age	111	(1)
Height and weight	112	(1)
Body type	112	(1)
Income	113	(1)
Education	114	(1)
Religion	115	(1)
Occupation	115	(1)
Smoking, drinking, and drug habits	116	(1)
Children	116	(1)
Pets	117	(1)
Medical issues	117	(1)
Sexual orientation and other sexual topics	118	(1)
Chapter 10: Yikes! The Essay Questions!	119	(18)
Overcoming Writer's Block	119	(2)
Procrastinating sometimes isn't so foolish	120	(1)
Sidestepping the procrastination trap	121	(1)
Reading Others' Profiles as Research	121	(3)
Looking for clues in prospects' profiles	122	(1)
Extracting the best from your competition	123	(1)
Putting It Off No More: Drafting Your Essay	124	(13)
Some major do's	124	(7)
Some major don'ts	131	(4)
Some bonus nuggets of advice	135	(2)
Chapter 11: Dealing with Matters of Sex	137	(10)
Determining Your Objective: Casual Sex or Relationship	138	(3)
Addressing Sex (or Not) in Your Profile	141	(2)
All sexual info will be scrutinized	141	(1)
Every sexual response has at least two interpretations	142	(1)
Figuring Out the Right Time to Talk About Sex	143	(4)
A woman's perspective on timing	144	(1)
A man's perspective on timing	145	(1)
The best time to talk about safe sex	145	(2)
Chapter 12: Selecting the All-Important Photo	147	(20)
Unleashing the Power of the Online Photo	147	(2)
Facing the Consequences of Not Posting a Photo	149	(1)
Getting Over the Excuses for Not Posting a Photo	150	(1)
Working Around the Photo Impasse	151	(3)
Posting your photo on a secret Web page	151	(1)
Posting your photo outside your hometown	152	(2)
Dealing with the Attractiveness Issue	154	(1)
What if you're not gorgeous?	154	(1)
What if you're too good looking?	154	(1)
Avoiding Photo Blunders	155	(2)
Uncovering the Truth about Pets, Babies, and Glamor Shots	157	(4)
Glamorized photos	157	(4)
Fuzzy photos	158	(1)
Photos with Fido or Cuddles	158	(1)
Photos with babies	159	(1)
Photos giving the wrong age impression	159	(1)
Photos featuring wealth or status	160	(1)
Deciding Whether to Post Multiple Photos	161	(1)
Yes! Post several photos (more than two)	161	(1)
No! Post only one or two photos	161	(1)
Creating a Better Photo 101	162	(7)
Selecting a good preexisting photo	162	(1)
Taking a good photo of yourself	163	(1)
Getting your photo digitized	164	(3)
Part IV: Initiating Contact: You've Got Mail	167	(66)
Chapter 13: Getting Matched Up	169	(14)
Sittin' by the Dock on the Bay: Reactive Matching	170	(4)
Optimizing your chances of getting mail	171	(1)
Realizing the truth about search engines	172	(2)
Fishin' for a Catch: Proactive Matching	174	(9)
Looking at your proactive search options	175	(7)
Finding important data that's buried in the postings	182	(1)
Snoopware! It's a little scary and cool at the same time!	182	(1)
Chapter 14: Exchanging E-mails	183	(12)
The Importance of Anonymity	183	(1)
Checking Your List: Ready to E-mail?	184	(1)
Figuring Out How Many E-mails to Send at Once	185	(1)
What in Tarnation to Write	185	(7)
Everyone loves themselves (so indulge 'em)	186	(1)
Ask, ask, ask (for anything)	187	(1)
The expansion of the universe theory	187	(1)
Point of information, please	188	(1)
Extracting hidden morsels from the prospect's essay	188	(1)
Rolling the ball ever so slightly	189	(1)
Offering some gender-specific icebreaker advice	190	(2)
Reacting to Their Responses	192	(3)
Chapter 15: Understanding E-mail and E-mail Etiquette	195	(12)
Understanding E-mail as a Unique Beast	195	(4)
Talking blindfolded with both hands tied behind your back	196	(1)
Imagining things	197	(1)
Questioning in the west and answering in the east	198	(1)
Dealing with E-mail's Disarming Nature	199	(2)
Examining E-mail Etiquette	201	(6)
Knowing the rules of e-mail etiquette	201	(3)
Keeping track of prospects' answers	204	(1)
Keeping track of your own answers	205	(1)
Keeping IM etiquette straight	205	(2)
Chapter 16: Rejection!	207	(8)
Understanding That Rejection Isn't Personal	207	(2)
Dealing with Rejection	209	(1)
Just move on	209	(1)
Put the rejection in perspective	210	(1)
Dishing Out Rejection	210	(5)
After receiving the very first e-mail from someone	211	(1)
In the middle of an IM exchange	212	(1)
In the midst of a phone call	213	(1)
When people are clueless	213	(2)
Chapter 17: Going from Virtual to Real Contact	215	(18)
Getting Real at the Right Time	216	(1)
Realizing the Benefits of E-mails before Phoning	216	(3)
Many e-mails make for effective screening	217	(1)
In-person screening has its merits	217	(1)
Use e-mail, not the phone, to discuss deal breakers	218	(1)
Going Live - the Risks and Rewards	219	(2)
What you can discover on the phone	219	(1)
What you can't discover on the phone	220	(1)
What you gotta remember, above all else	220	(1)
Your Personal Guide for Making the Call	221	(3)
Making the First (In-Person) Meeting Memorable	224	(6)
Setting up the meeting	224	(2)
Preventing a meltdown while en route	226	(1)
Planning what to wear ("Will my tiara be too much for Starbucks?")	226	(1)
Planning how to ID each other	227	(1)
Getting ready for picture shock	227	(1)
Preparing a course of action in case of extreme disappointment	227	(2)
Making not-so-small talk	229	(1)
Ending the date on a high note	230	(1)
Post Datem	230	(5)
Following up the date with an e-mail	230	(1)
Giving yourself time to unwind	230	(1)
Getting ready for cyber jealousy	231	(1)
Knowing when to put out the SOLD sign	231	(1)
Getting back on the horse if things don't work out	232	(1)
Part V: Skirting the hazards of Online Dating	233	(38)
Chapter 18: Safety First	235	(10)
"Is Online Dating Really Dangerous?"	236	(1)
Jealously Guarding Your Anonymity	236	(1)
Using a Big, Sturdy Safety Net	237	(4)
Tell others what's going on	237	(1)
Use the phone wisely	237	(3)
Be car smart	240	(1)
Be mindful of drugs, alcohol, and guns	241	(1)
Bring enough money	241	(1)
Staying Safe without Becoming Paranoid	241	(4)
Chapter 19: Unmasking and Avoiding Frauds and Players	245	(6)
Keeping Your Guard Up	245	(1)
Knowing Who the Frauds Are	246	(3)
The married	246	(1)
The men posing as women and women posing as men	247	(1)
The older posing as younger	248	(1)
The criminal element	248	(1)
The porn site purveyors	248	(1)
Identifying the Players	249	(1)
Avoiding Frauds and Players	249	(2)
Unearthing the deceitful	250	(2)
Defrauding the lesser frauds	252	(1)
Checking out the seemingly good ones, too	253	(1)
Digging deep with your own e-shovel	253	(2)
Getting help with background checking	255
Chapter 20: Special Circumstances: Big Cities, Small Towns, and Long-Distance Relationships	251	(20)
Big City, Stiff Competition	258	(1)
Surviving the intimidation factor	258	(1)
Getting noticed in the crowd	259	(1)
Small Town, Mighty Slim Pickin's	259	(2)
Long-Distance Relationships (LDR): Growing Roots on a Slippery Slope	261	(3)
Making life easier	262	(1)
Broadening your reach	263	(1)
Bowing out if LDRs aren't for you	263	(1)
A Hitchhiker's Guide to a Successful LDR	264	(7)
Planning the first meeting	264	(2)
Deciding how long the first visit should be	266	(1)
What to do if you get bamboozled	267	(1)
Returning home and sorting it all out	267
Part VI: The Part of Tens
Chapter 21: Ten Ways to Screw Up Online Dating	271	(4)
Failing to Initiate E-mail	271	(1)
Lying in Your Profile	272	(1)
Posting an Old Photo or a Photo That Doesn't Resemble You	272	(1)
Mentioning Overtly Sexual Topics in Your Initial E-mails	272	(1)
Mentioning Past Failed Relations Often	273	(1)
Insisting on Meeting in Person Right Away	273	(1)
Sending the Wrong E-mail to the Wrong Person	273	(1)
Mentioning That You Want to Marry in Your First E-mail	274	(1)
Shying Away from Asking Your Prospect Important Questions	274	(1)
Never Being Satisfied with Anybody	274	(1)
Chapter 22: Ten Ways to Succeed at Online Dating	275	(4)
Starting with a Positive Attitude	275	(1)
Beginning Slow and Gaining Momentum	275	(1)
Avoiding Discussion of Your Previous Relationship Woes	276	(1)
Writing an Essay That Reflects You	276	(1)
Remembering the Number of Psychos on the Internet Reflects Real Life	276	(1)
Not Taking Each Internet Contact Too Seriously	277	(1)
Resting from Time to Time	277	(1)
Reconsidering Your Non-Negotiable Criteria	277	(1)
Posting a Photo Immediately	277	(1)
Knowing When to Hold 'em and When to Fold'em	278	(1)
Index	279