Open Hearts

by Carnes, Patrick; Laaser, Debra; Laaser, Mark

• ISBN13: 9781929866007
• ISBN10: 1929866003
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-05-01
• Publisher: Gentle Path Pr

Summary

Hopeful and helpful guidance on transforming one's most intimate bonds

Table of Contents

A Word of Hope	ix
Authors' Notes	xi
HOW: Honest, Open and Willing-A User's Guide	xv
Part One
Sharing Our Stories	1	(4)
A gentle path to healing	4	(1)
The Six Dynamics of Troubled Relationships	5	(16)
Couples in troubled relationships struggle with a lack of support and need a recovery process for their relationship	6	(2)
Couples in troubled relationships come from families in which relationships were likewise troubled	8	(2)
Both partners in troubled relationships suffer from codependency	10	(2)
Partners in troubled relationships have difficulty being intimate with each other	12	(1)
Couples in troubled relationships suffer from ``coupleshame''	13	(3)
Troubled relationships are a function of unhealthy development	16	(5)
Family Systems	21	(20)
Setting boundaries	21	(2)
Family system rules	23	(2)
Family system roles	25	(1)
Ongoing family tension	26	(1)
Deep wounds, deep shame	27	(3)
The challenge of change	30	(3)
New Rules for Relationships	33	(4)
Couple's Contract	37	(1)
The Twelve Steps of Recovering Couples Anonymous	38	(3)
Part Two
Step One	41	(44)
Individual Step One worksheet	65	(9)
Couple's First Step Inventory	74	(10)
Sharing your First Step	84	(1)
Steps Two and Three	85	(22)
Our Shield	94	(11)
Spiritual Journey Contract	105	(2)
Steps Four and Five	107	(18)
Individual Fourth Step Inventory	109	(7)
Couple's Fourth Step Inventory	116	(6)
Sharing your inventory	122	(2)
Take a Celebration Break	124	(1)
Steps Six and Seven	125	(34)
Dependency Dimensions	139	(3)
Intimacy Dimensions	142	(4)
Healthy fighting	146	(1)
Developing fighting rules and contracts	147	(4)
Fighting rules	151	(1)
Twelve rules for effective problem solving	152	(4)
Learning to communicate	156	(3)
Steps Eight and Nine	159	(14)
Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve	173	(26)
Couple's Weekly Inventory	174	(13)
Suggestions for sustaining a spiritual life	187	(12)
The Promises of Recovering Couples Anonymous	199	(2)
In Conclusion	201	(2)
Resources	203	(6)
For Further Reading	209	(4)
About the Authors	213	(2)
We'd Like to Hear From You!	215	(2)
List of Exercises	217