Each chapter of the book presents information and spiritual ideas on how families can cope with problems, find ongoing strength, and share love and grace within the family and community.

Introduction: The ``Perfect'' Child

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It is only natural that as parents our hopes and expectations for our children are high. Regardless of how we may define it, we want ``the best'' for them. Often, however, our hopes for our children must go unmet. There can be any number of causes for such parental disappointment. Our purpose here is not to discuss those causes specifically but to help readers recognize that whenever real life shatters our expectations, we hurt. We need grace

The Need for Grace

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Our feelings as parents are always powerful. This is especially true when we are unable to control or positively influence our children's circumstances. We may respond to the loss of our dreams for them with intense feelings of sadness, embarrassment, anger, and responsibility. These feelings, left unaddressed, can lead to grief, seclusion, bitterness, and guilt. Added to these, nearly all hurting parents share feelings of isolation. It is possible, however, to heal some of these great hurts, and there are ways to move out of isolation

The Grace of God for Parents

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Popular Christianity leads us to expect blessing for a life of faith. The biblical message, however, tells us that God does not mete out rewards and punishments for our works. Rather, God understands our suffering and is present with us in it. With God's grace, then, we can live out the parental responsibilities of faithfulness, love, and forgiveness

Receiving Grace and Passing It on to Our Children

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As God accepts us and we receive God's grace, we learn to accept our children as they are. We can even find ways to embrace their uniqueness. When we begin to relinquish our earlier dreams and replace them with new, and hopefully more realistic, ones, we offer our children grace. In this process, we are less defined by our children and their struggles, even as we become vulnerable to the lessons we learn from them

Grace Among Others

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Our disappointments as parents can strain our relationships with others. Just when we most need understanding from family and friends, we may find them unable or unwilling to support us. When this happens, we should recognize that they, too, find the situation difficult. We can seek support from people outside our circle of family and friends, as sometimes others who have faced parental hurt can help us the most. In turn, we can extend empathy to other hurting parents

Appendix How the Church Can Help Parents in Need of Grace

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Parents should expect to experience God's grace in church. Too often, however, we are afraid to share our hurts there, or we are shunned when we do. The church can offer grace to parents through leaders who are willing to admit their own shortcomings and disappointments; teaching tools, such as sermons, Bible studies, and discussion groups that affirm parents' worth in the midst of hard times; and approaches to dealing with and welcoming the youth of the church as they are. The church, too, is an appropriate place for hurting parents to connect with one another through small support groups

Works Cited

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