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9780811816656

The Paranoid's Pocket Guide Hundreds of Things You Never Knew You Had to Worry About

by
  • ISBN13:

    9780811816656

  • ISBN10:

    0811816656

  • Format: Hardcover
  • Copyright: 1997-06-01
  • Publisher: Chronicle Books
  • Purchase Benefits
List Price: $10.95

Summary

Paranoid Factoids: Overzealous yawning can cause a dislocated jaw. One in 650 Canadians will be injured by a toilet during their lifetime. Seventy percent of women fantasize about someone else during lovemaking. Including hundreds of bizarre-but-true things, this compact guide will bring on nervous page flipping and make even the most snug and secure folks bonafide paranoiacs. Black and white photographs document the everyday items that menace the safety of everyday people. The Paranoid's Pocket Guide is perfect for archibutyrophobics (those who fear peanut butter sticking to the roof of their mouth), phobophobics (those who fear fear itself), and anyone who worries themselves sick.

Author Biography

Cameron Tuttle is a freelance writer in San Francisco, California. Since writing this book, she rarely ventures outside.

Supplemental Materials

What is included with this book?

The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

Excerpts


Chapter One

FRIGHT * BITE!

One in 6,500 Americans will be injured by a toilet seat during their lifetime. Most will be men.

Who else has the keys to your car?

A remote keyless entry device lets you unlock your car door at a distance with the click of a button, but someone with a receiver can pick up the signal your keyless remote sends, record it, and resen it later to unlock your car.

Why haven't you been contacted?

Some 3.7 million Americans claim to have been abducted by aliens. Most found it a positive experience.

FRIGHT * BITE!

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Bottled at the source-- of what?

Nearly a third of all bottled drinking water purchased in the United States is contaminated with bacteria.

FRIGHT * BITE!

One in six adults has agreed to sex because they were just too embarrassed to say no.

CHEMICAL PEELS AND NASAL SAWS

( Excerpted from the program of a recent World Congress on Cosmetic Surgical Rejuvenation of the Face, Body, and Extremities, held in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. )

FRIDAY

11:30 a.m. "Use of Cheek Neck Flap in Facial

Plastic Surgery"

11:45 a.m. "Removal of Eyeliner Pigmentation

with an Argon Laser"

1:30 p.m. "An Alternative Method for the Nasal

Osteotomy Utilizing the Dual Plane

Reciprocating Nasal Saw Blade"

2:15 p.m. Workshop: "How to Prevent a

Lawsuit"

6:00 p.m. Cocktail Party, Grand Ballroom

Good news, bad news.

Women are more than twice as likely to climax during intercourse if their partner has extremely symmetrical features. Men with extremely symmetrical features are less attentive to their partners and more inclined to cheat on them.

A new generation of germs.

Deadly new germs are emerging around the world at a startling rate. Equine morbilli virus, which causes a potentially fatal respiratory illness, was discovered in Australia in 1994; blood banks do not yet screen for recently discovered hepatitis G.; and Bartonella , a bacteria discovered in 1990, can cause illnesses ranging from cat scratch fever to fatal heart-valve infections. Humans are exposed to this germ from cats carrying infected fleas. Medical researchers are baffled and expect to see many more unknown mysterious diseases.

Make mine well done.

Only a few years ago, cooking hamburgers at 140 degrees Fahrenheit was enough to kill most harmful bacteria in the meat. But now burgers must be cooked at 155 degrees for at least 15 seconds to destroy Escherichia coli O157:H7, an emerging, deadly strain of bacteria.

FRIGHT * BITE!

Each year, you face a 1 in 13 chance of suffering an accident in your home serious enough to require medical attention.

Live longer, childless.

A Harvard Medical School study suggests that women who drink at least two cups of coffee a day are less likely to commit suicide or get into fatal automobile accidents. Other studies indicate that CAFFEINE impairs a woman's fertility.

PANIC DISORDER

INFORMATION

HOTLINE

Are you suffering an

ANXIETY ATTACK?

If so,

CALL

1-(800)-64-PANIC

to reach a toll-free hotline.

Operators are standing by

on weekdays between

9:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m.

Eastern time. At other

times, feel free to leave a

message and someone will

call you back on the next

business day.

Some things never change.

While a person's happiness fluctuates, everyone has a naturally set level for happiness-- much like body weight. So if you're generally an unhappy person, get used to it.

FRIGHT * BITE!

Draw-strings are a leading cause of fashion-related injuries.

Cheerleading-- now a hazardous contact sport.

Last year, nearly 16,000 cheerleaders required emergency-room treatment for injuries, including sprains, torn knee ligaments, skull fractures, and even paralysis. One of the most dangerous routines-- the Human Pyramid --has been banned in North Dakota and Minnesota schools.

FRIGHT * BITE!

By the year 2010, each person is expected to generate 1,774 pounds of solid waste per year.

When was the last time you talked to Grampa?

Spontaneous human combustion is most likely to happen during a period of strong magnetic disturbance. No one knows how or why a person seemingly ignites without any external fuel, leaving behind little more than a heap of ashes, an uncharred limb, and a pungent blue smoke hanging in the air, but many victims were wearing slippers at the time.

Militias

IS YOUR SON-IN-LAW REALLY DUCK HUNTING THIS WEEKEND?

There are paramilitary training sites for militia groups and private armies in 23 states.

MAIL-ORDER MADNESS.

In May 1995, an Aryan Nation member living in Ohio was arrested for buying three vials of frozen bubonic plague bacteria through the mail. Federal agents searched his house and found detonating fuses, hand-grenade triggers, and homemade explosive devices.

WHERE IS IT NOW?

In one year, over a ton of explosives, including dynamite, C-4 plastic explosives, ANFO, raw ammonium nitrate, and blasting caps has disappeared from commercial sites in Georgia, California, Oklahoma, Idaho, and Indiana.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE DO.

Weapons recently recovered from antigovernment extremist groups:

1. AK-47

2. M-16

3. AR-15

4. Uzi and SKS assault rifles

5. 9-mm machine guns

6. .50-caliber rifles

7. fully-automatic Mac-10 pistols

8. handguns

9. sawed-off shotguns

10. knives

11. assault rifles with bayonets

12. freeze-dried bubonic plague bacteria

13. ricin, a biological poison

14. grenade launchers

15. dynamite and pipe bombs

16. blasting caps and detonators

17. silencers

18. machine gun and rifle components

19. automatic weapon conversion kits

20. armor-piercing ammunition

21. night-vision binoculars

22. body armor and gas masks

23. gas grenades and plastic handcuffs.

I forgot to lock my car. My frequent-flyer miles will expire before I can use them. I have a hole in my pocket and my money and keys will fall out. People will think I'm a tourist. The glue on envelopes is spreading a fatal disease. My neighbors hear everything that goes on in my bathroom. If I pluck a hair, it will grow back darker and coarser than before. I'll panic if I have to call 911 and I'll dial 411 by mistake. The dry cleaner smells my clothes. I'll spit out my gum in a winning lottery ticket. I'll arrive at the airport two hours before my flight on the wrong day. If I swallow a watermelon seed, a watermelon will grow in my stomach, I'll call in sick and run into my boss at a movie. I won't be able to remember to whom I lied and to whom I told the truth. I'll call a teacher "Mom" in front of the whole class. I'll buy 6,000 AAA batteries at a warehouse club just because

Copyright © 1997 Chronicle Books. All rights reserved.

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