Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child The Emotional Journey

by Davis, Deborah L.

• ISBN13: 9781555915117
• ISBN10: 1555915116
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-06-01
• Publisher: Fulcrum Publishing

Summary

There are many good books that explain your premature baby's medical or developmental conditions and treatments, and that guide you in caregiving tasks. This book is different. It focuses on your experiences, feelings, and relationships around the delivery, hospitalization, homecoming, and long-term parenting of your premature baby and child. It provides suggestions and support for coping, adjusting, and finding your way. While every family's journey is unique, you share many of the same hopes, fears, struggles, and triumphs with other parents of premature babies. It is our hope that you will find comfort, support, and strength in these pages. Book jacket.

Author Biography

Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D., is a developmental psychologist and writer who is the author of several books that support grieving parents including Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby (Fulcrum, 1996) and Loving and Letting Go (Centering, 2002). Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist. She consults to health care providers and hospitals, guiding their efforts to improve the level of psychological support and care to families in Labor and Delivery and in the NICU. Both authors specialize in the emotional aspects of coping with crisis around pregnancy and parenting.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xxv
Introduction	1	(6)
CHAPTER ONE An Unexpected Journey	7	(14)
Orientation	9	(6)
Hopes and Expectations	9	(2)
When the Unexpected Happens	11	(4)
Map	15	(2)
A Different Path	15	(2)
EMOTIONAL COPING	15	(1)
DEVELOPING YOUR PARENTAL IDENTITY	16	(1)
MANAGING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS	16	(1)
Compass	17	(4)
Finding Your Own Way	17	(2)
The Tapestry That Reflects Your Emotional Journey	19	(2)
CHAPTER TWO Grief and Adjustment	21	(40)
Wrestling with Opposing Emotions	22	(6)
The Grieving Process	28	(17)
The Trauma of Premature Birth	30	(1)
The Mosaic of Losses	30	(3)
Understanding Grief	33	(4)
Common Feelings of Grief	37	(8)
SHOCK AND NUMBNESS	37	(2)
SADNESS	39	(1)
PERSISTENT WORRIES	39	(1)
YEARNING	40	(1)
GUILT AND FAILURE	41	(1)
POWERLESSNESS	42	(1)
ISOLATION	43	(1)
ANGER	43	(1)
ENVY	44	(1)
FEARS ABOUT THE FUTURE	44	(1)
LONGING FOR WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN	45	(1)
Coping and Healing	45	(11)
Let Your Grief Flow	46	(1)
Have Realistic Expectations for Your Grief	47	(1)
Dwell on Your Baby	48	(1)
Find Ways to Feel Close to Your Baby	49	(1)
Tell Your Story	49	(2)
Accept the Support of Others, However Clumsy It May Seem	51	(1)
Accept That You and Your Partner Will Grieve Differently	51	(1)
Seek Professional Counseling	52	(1)
Choose to Face Your Situation and to Not Let It Destroy Your Life	52	(3)
Allow Yourself to Hold On to Some Hope for the Future	55	(1)
Look for the Treasure in Adversity	55	(1)
Multiple Birth and Multiple Realities	56	(2)
Respect Your Own Needs	58	(1)
Points to Remember	59	(2)
CHAPTER THREE Moving through Painful Emotions	61	(34)
Moving through Feelings of Failure, Incompetence, and Powerlessness	62	(3)
Moving through Feelings of Anger	65	(4)
Venting Anger Constructively	67	(1)
Recognizing Your Anger's Triggers	68	(1)
Moving through Guilt	69	(7)
Tips for Letting Go of Guilt	72	(4)
CONSIDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES	72	(1)
RECOGNIZE THE LIMITS OF YOUR CONTROL	72	(1)
REFRAME YOUR FEELINGS OF RESPONSIBILITY	73	(2)
ACCEPT AND LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES	75	(1)
ASK FOR FORGIVENESS	75	(1)
Moving through vulnerability and Fear	76	(5)
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder	78	(2)
Persistent Numbness and Avoidance of Grief	80	(1)
Getting to the Bottom of Your Grief	81	(12)
Professional Counseling	84	(5)
Journaling	89	(1)
Spirituality and Religion	90	(3)
Points to Remember	93	(2)
CHAPTER FOUR Especially for Fathers	95	(22)
Gender and Grief	97	(18)
Intuitive Grievers, Instrumental Grievers	99	(3)
Dashers, Delayers, Displayers, and Doers	102	(1)
Avoiding Grief	103	(4)
COMMON STYLES OF FILING GRIEF AWAY	104	(1)
FATHER AS PROTECTOR AND THE UTILITY AND COST OF FILING GRIEF AWAY	105	(2)
Getting in Touch with Fear, Powerlessness, and Vulnerability	107	(2)
Keeping Roles Flexible	109	(3)
Couples and Grief	112	(3)
Points to Remember	115	(2)
CHAPTER FIVE Delivering Too Early	117	(34)
Pregnancy Complications	117	(9)
Bed Rest	120	(2)
Holding On to Your Sanity	122	(2)
Holding On to Yourself	124	(2)
When Delivery Is Inevitable	126	(1)
Delivery	127	(9)
Shock and Fear	132	(1)
Exhaustion	133	(1)
Shifting Focus	134	(1)
Emptiness	135	(1)
Separation from Your Baby	136	(3)
Seeing Your Baby for the First Time in the NICU	139	(5)
Mother's Hospital Discharge	144	(4)
Tips for Coping with Separation from Your Baby	147	(1)
A Father's Special Worries	148	(2)
Points to Remember	150	(1)
CHAPTER SIX Physical Recovery	151	(38)
Phantom Feelings of Pregnancy	153	(1)
Postpartum Adjustment	154	(7)
Baby Blues	155	(1)
Risk Factors for a Difficult Postpartum Adjustment	156	(1)
Types of Postpartum Reaction	157	(1)
POSTPARTUM MOOD REACTIONS	157	(1)
POSTPARTUM ANXIETY REACTIONS	157	(1)
POSTPARTUM THOUGHT REACTIONS	157	(1)
Postpartum Adjustment: The Bottom Line	158	(1)
Tips for Coping in the Postpartum Period	158	(3)
Breast Care for Breast-Feeding Mothers	161	(9)
Advantages of Breast Milk and Breast-Feeding	161	(1)
The Mechanics	162	(1)
Establishing Your Milk Supply	163	(2)
START PUMPING AS SOON AS YOU CAN	163	(1)
EXPECT SMALL AMOUNTS, ESPECIALLY AT FIRST	163	(1)
UNDERSTAND ENGORGEMENT-OR LACK OF IT	164	(1)
PUMP FREQUENTLY AND COMPLETELY	164	(1)
LEARN THE PROCEDURES FOR STERILIZING EQUIPMENT AND STORING YOUR MILK	165	(1)
Overcoming Challenges to Breast-Feeding	165	(4)
BE PERSISTENT	165	(1)
USE THE BEST PUMP YOU CAN	166	(1)
FIND THE ROUTINE AND RITUALS THAT WORK FOR YOU	166	(1)
SEEK HELP FOR NIPPLE OR BREAST PAIN	166	(1)
CAUSES OF NIPPLE OR BREAST PAIN	167	(1)
RECOGNIZE THE EFFECTS OF DIET ON YOUR BREAST MILK	168	(1)
Enhancing Your Milk Supply	169	(7)
STAY HYDRATED	169	(1)
AVOID MILK-TAINTING SUBSTANCES	169	(1)
EAT WELL, EXERCISE, REST, AND RELAX	169	(1)
Breast Care When You Aren't Breast-Feeding	170	(1)
Recovery from Cesarean Delivery	171	(1)
Uterine Healing	172	(1)
Perinea) Care	173	(1)
The Postpartum Checkup	174	(1)
Sex and Contraception	175	(1)
Fatigue	176	(3)
Causes of Fatigue	176	(2)
Tips for Reducing Fatigue	178	(1)
Sleep	179	(2)
Nutrition and Exercise	181	(3)
Recognize the Pitfalls of Dieting	182	(1)
Learn New Eating Patterns	182	(1)
Substitute Exercise for Dieting	182	(1)
Fit Exercise into Your Everyday Life	183	(1)
Recognize the Emotional Benefits of Exercise	183	(1)
Accept Your Body	183	(1)
Relaxation	184	(1)
Releasing Muscle Tension	184	(1)
Imagery	184	(1)
Music	185	(1)
Laughter	185	(1)
Other Relaxing Activities	185	(1)
Complementary Medicine	185	(2)
Points to Remember	187	(2)
CHAPTER SEVEN Acclimating to the NICU	189	(42)
Warming Up	191	(1)
Getting Oriented	192	(8)
The Growth of Developmentally Supportive Care	194	(1)
A Short History of NICU Care	195	(3)
Coping with the Technology-Centered NICU	198	(2)
Joining Your Baby's Health Care Team	200	(8)
Forming Relationships with Medical Staff	202	(4)
Valuing Your Own Contributions	206	(1)
Valuing the Staff's Contributions-and Knowing They Value Yours	207	(1)
Being Informed	208	(15)
The Benefits of Being Informed	209	(3)
EMPOWERMENT	210	(1)
REASSURANCE	210	(1)
MASTERY	210	(1)
TEAMWORK	210	(1)
UNCERTAINTY AND FEAR MANAGEMENT	211	(1)
CONFIDENCE BUILDING	211	(1)
The Challenges of Being Informed	212	(1)
Sources of Information	213	(2)
Communicating with Medical Staff	215	(1)
Bridging Communication Barriers	216	(7)
INFORMATION OVERLOAD	216	(2)
INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS	218	(1)
DIFFERING PERSPECTIVES	219	(3)
LIMITS ON INFORMATION	222	(1)
Advocating for Your Baby	223	(6)
Serving the Best Interests of Your Child	224	(3)
Being There for Medical Procedures	227	(1)
Watching Over Multiple Preemies	227	(1)
Dealing with Regrets	228	(1)
Points to Remember	229	(2)
CHAPTER EIGHT Becoming a Parent in the NICU	231	(42)
Wanting to Feel Like a Parent	233	(10)
Embracing Your Intense Emotions	238	(2)
Claiming Your Parental Identity	240	(3)
Finding Privacy	243	(1)
Dealing with Your Own Medical Hurdles	244	(2)
Facing Your Fears	246	(3)
Balancing Fear and Anger	248	(1)
Negotiating the Medical Barriers in the NICU	249	(4)
Tips for Overcoming Barriers	252	(1)
Feeling Displaced by Your Baby's Health Care Providers	253	(4)
Building Confidence in Your Ability to Take Care of Your Baby	257	(2)
Parenting from a Distance	259	(5)
Making the Most of Your Presence	261	(1)
Making the Most of Your Absences	262	(1)
Baby Diaries	263	(1)
Recognizing the Importance of Your Presence	264	(5)
Spreading Yourself among Multiple Babies	266	(1)
Gaining Confidence	267	(2)
Managing Your Regrets	269	(2)
Points to Remember	271	(2)
CHAPTER NINE Developing a Relationship with
Your Baby in the NICU	273	(1)
Enjoying Your Baby	274	(1)
Bonding	274	(13)
How Premature Birth Affects Bonding	275	(1)
Bonding during Crisis	275	(4)
Characteristics of Bonding	279	(8)
BONDING IS A PROCESS	279	(2)
BONDING HAS PEAK MOMENTS	281	(3)
BONDING IS FLEXIBLE	284	(1)
BONDING IS RESILIENT	285	(2)
Kangaroo Care	287	(5)
The Benefits of Kangarooing	289	(1)
The Emotions of Kangarooing	290	(1)
Arranging to Kangaroo Your Baby	291	(1)
Infant Massage	292	(1)
Cobedding for Multiples	293	(2)
Feeding Issues	295	(16)
Formula Feeding	296	(3)
STAYING WITH YOUR DECISION TO FEED FORMULA	296	(1)
CHANGING YOUR MIND AND DECIDING TO BREAST-FEED	297	(1)
SWITCHING BACK FROM BREAST MILK TO FORMULA	298	(1)
Breast-Feeding (and Pumping)	299	(11)
MEETING THE CHALLENGES OF BREAST-FEEDING IN THE NICU	301	(4)
WAITING AND STOCKPILING	305	(1)
INTAKE AND WEIGHT GAIN	306	(1)
SUPPLEMENTATION AND BOTTLE-FEEDING	306	(2)
PROVIDING BREAST MILK WITHOUT BREAST-FEEDING	308	(1)
IF YOU MUST STOP PROVIDING BREAST MILK	309	(1)
Feeding Multiple Babies	310	(1)
Becoming Attuned to Your Baby	311	(7)
Reading Infant Behavioral States	312	(1)
Reading Other Physical Cues	313	(1)
Engaging Your Baby	314	(6)
FOLLOW YOUR BABY'S LEAD	315	(1)
HONOR YOUR BABY'S ATTEMPTS TO MODERATE STIMULATION	315	(1)
PROTECT YOUR BABY FROM OVERWHELMING OR UNPLEASANT STIMULI	315	(1)
PROVIDE THE KINDS OF TOUCH, SOUNDS, AND OTHER STIMULI THAT SOOTHE AND SUSTAIN YOUR BABY'S INTEREST	316	(2)
Points to Remember	318	(1)
CHAPTER TEN The Roller-Coaster NICU Experience	319	(40)
Waiting	320	(12)
Waiting with Uncertainty	323	(4)
Waiting with Unpredictability	327	(4)
Waiting with Your Baby	331	(1)
Balancing Hopes and Fears	332	(7)
When Your Health Care Teammates Dash Your Hopes	336	(2)
When Hope Shines More Brightly	338	(1)
When Hope Changes Direction	338	(1)
Multiple Realities-Multiple Roller Coasters	339	(2)
Making Comparisons in the NICU	341	(6)
When Other Preemies Die	343	(2)
When Other Preemies Go Home	345	(1)
What to Remember about Comparisons	345	(2)
Making Life-and-Death Decisions in the NICU	347	(7)
Parental Decision Making in the "Gray Zone"	347	(2)
Dealing with the Uncertainties	349	(2)
Wrestling with Guilt and Second Thoughts	351	(3)
Decisions about Long-Term Care	354	(1)
The Extended NICU Stay	355	(2)
Points to Remember	357	(2)
CHAPTER ELEVEN When a Baby Dies	359	(38)
Grieving a Baby's Death	360	(12)
An Overview of the Grieving Process	361	(1)
Realistic Expectations for Your Grief	362	(3)
ANNIVERSARY REACTIONS	363	(1)
ANTICIPATORY GRIEF	364	(1)
Multiple Realities and Grief	365	(2)
Coping with Grief	367	(5)
ACCEPTING YOUR NEED TO GRIEVE	367	(1)
IDENTIFYING THE FEELINGS YOU ARE EXPERIENCING	367	(2)
EMBRACING YOUR NEED TO DWELL ON YOUR BABY	369	(1)
PURSUING THOSE THINGS THAT HELP YOU COPE	370	(1)
HAVING FAITH THAT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL FEEL BETTER	371	(1)
Affirming Your Baby	372	(10)
Being with Your Baby	373	(4)
Bringing a Dying Baby Home	377	(1)
Keepsakes	378	(2)
Rituals	380	(5)
NAMING	381	(1)
BURIAL OR CREMATION	381	(1)
SERVICES	382	(1)
Healing	382	(3)
Making Peace with Difficult Decisions	385	(10)
Decision Points	386	(1)
The Illusion of Control	387	(1)
Regrets about Intervening	388	(1)
Second Thoughts about Refusing Intervention	388	(3)
Gaining Perspective on the Decision to Let Go	391	(4)
Points to Remember	395	(2)
CHAPTER TWELVE Discharge and Homecoming	397	(34)
Transferring Back to Your Local Hospital	400	(2)
The Transition to Discharge: Practicing care	402	(6)
Gaining Confidence in Your Caregiving Abilities	404	(1)
Coping with Imminent Discharge	405	(3)
Discharge with Medical Equipment ... or Without	408	(6)
Monitors	408	(2)
Medical Devices and Equipment	410	(2)
Coping with Your Baby's Ongoing Medical Needs	412	(2)
Finding a Pediatrician	414	(2)
Finding Caregivers You Can Trust	416	(3)
Attitudes toward Sharing Care	416	(2)
Making Room for Other Caregivers	418	(1)
Discharge with Multiple Babies	419	(2)
Homecoming, at Last	421	(2)
The Emotional Fallout	423	(6)
Feeling Unsettled	423	(2)
Dropping Your Emotional Guard	425	(2)
Having Patience with Your Grief	427	(2)
Points to Remember	429	(2)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN Settling in at Home	431	(26)
Your Reorientation	432	(4)
Liberation-and Anxiety	432	(1)
Responsibility-and Fears of Inadequacy	433	(1)
Anger-and Reclamation	434	(1)
Reclamation-and Confidence	435	(1)
Your Baby's Reorientation	436	(1)
Reorientation with Multiples	437	(2)
Enjoying Your Baby	439	(7)
Mixed Feelings about Your Baby	441	(1)
Your Dynamic Bond with Your Baby	442	(1)
Your Baby's Attachment to You	443	(3)
Getting in Tune with Your Growing Baby	446	(7)
Responding to Your Baby's Cues	448	(1)
Using a Basic-Needs List	449	(1)
Encouraging Attachment in the Face of Discomfort	450	(3)
Juggling the Needs of Multiples	453	(2)
Points to Remember	455	(2)
CHAPTER FOURTEEN Meeting Caregiving Challenges at Home	457	(34)
Coping with Feelings of Vulnerability	457	(9)
Vulnerability and Preemie Parenthood	457	(5)
ACKNOWLEDGING THE RISKS	459	(1)
SEPARATING REAL FROM IMAGINED THREATS	459	(3)
The Medically Fragile Baby	462	(4)
ISOLATION AS A PROTECTIVE STRATEGY-AND ITS EFFECTS	462	(2)
TIPS FOR COPING WITH ISOLATION	464	(2)
Feeding Issues	466	(8)
Breast-Feeding	466	(3)
Giving Up the Pump	469	(3)
Your Baby's Weight Gain	472	(2)
Managing the Needs of a Medically Fragile or Technology-Dependent Baby	474	(11)
Coping with Chronic Respiratory Complications	475	(2)
Coping with Feeding Complications	477	(8)
COMING HOME FROM THE NICU WITH A FEEDING TUBE	477	(2)
MAKING THE GASTROSTOMY TUBE DECISION	479	(5)
ADDRESSING OTHER FEEDING ISSUES	484	(1)
Rehospitalization	485	(4)
Coping with Rehopitalization	487	(2)
Points to Remember	489	(2)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN Becoming the Kind of Parent You Want to Be	491	(30)
Following Your Nurturing Instincts	493	(6)
Revisiting Parenting Approaches	493	(2)
Traditional Mothering for Modern Times	495	(3)
Tips for Nurturing Parenting	498	(1)
Protective Parenting	499	(6)
Guidelines for Protective Parenting	501	(2)
Protectiveness and Your Child's Vulnerability	503	(2)
Your Personal Growth as a Parent	505	(8)
Adapting to the Long-Term Process of Parenting a Preemie	505	(2)
Nurturing Yourself	507	(1)
Getting the Support You Need	508	(1)
Dealing with Parenting Anger	509	(4)
TRIGGER THOUGHTS	510	(3)
Perspectives on Parenting Your Preemie	513	(7)
Questioning What's "Normal"	513	(1)
Thinking about the Future	514	(1)
Pondering Disability	515	(3)
Valuing Complexity	518	(1)
Choosing Your Perspective	519	(1)
Points to Remember	520	(1)
CHAPTER SIXTEEN Supporting Your Child's Development	521	(50)
Six Basic Skills for Supporting Your Preemie's Development	522	(30)
The Brain-Behavior Connection	524	(3)
Tuning In to Sensitivities and Thresholds	527	(3)
EXPANDING YOUR BABY'S SENSORY ABILITIES	528	(2)
CAPTURING AND HOLDING YOUR BABY'S INTEREST	530	(1)
Empathizing with Your Child	530	(3)
TEACHING YOUR CHILD ABOUT EMOTIONS	530	(1)
NURTURING YOUR CHILD'S NATURE	531	(2)
Following Your Child's Lead	533	(13)
MAKING ADJUSTMENTS	534	(3)
GROWTH CHARTS, DEVELOPMENTAL TIMETABLES, AND TRUSTING YOUR CHILD'S PATH	537	(3)
GRAPPLING WITH ORAL FEEDING DIFFICULTIES	540	(6)
Encouraging Your Child to Stretch beyond Current Abilities	546	(4)
EXPECTING TOO MUCH	549	(1)
EXPECTING TOO LITTLE	549	(1)
Enjoying Your Child	550	(2)
Evaluations and Labels	552	(16)
Evaluating Professional Evaluations	553	(10)
THE ACCURATE EVALUATION	553	(2)
THE MISLEADING EVALUATION	555	(4)
ADJUSTING YOUR OWN EVALUATION	559	(2)
FINDING SPECIALISTS YOU CAN COLLABORATE WITH	561	(2)
Understanding Labels	563	(2)
"Preemie Syndrome"	565	(3)
Points to Remember	568	(3)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Watching Your Child Grow	571	(26)
"Catching Up"	573	(15)
Watching Development Closely	576	(3)
Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop	579	(4)
Vulnerable Child Syndrome	583	(2)
Managing Heightened Vigilance	585	(3)
Living with Uncertainty and Ambiguity	588	(8)
The Elusive Brain	591	(2)
Coping with Uncertainties	593	(3)
Points to Remember	596	(1)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Discovering Disabilities	597	(38)
Getting a Diagnosis	599	(3)
Facing Reality, Facing Feelings	602	(2)
Grieving This New Realization	604	(2)
Coping with Your Feelings	606	(14)
Ever-Present Grief	606	(3)
Grief Triggers	609	(2)
Catastrophic Worries	611	(1)
Isolation	612	(1)
Guilt	613	(6)
Anger	619	(1)
Finding-Peace	620	(5)
Intervening :	625	(9)
Intervention and Advocacy	625	(3)
Intervention and Balance	628	(6)
Points to Remember	634	(1)
CHAPTER NINETEEN Your Family	635	(40)
You and Your Partner	635	(22)
Opening the Door for Feelings	637	(2)
Being Honest and Sharing	639	(1)
Accepting Differences	640	(6)
Managing Conflict	646	(4)
Relying on Your Commitment	650	(1)
Negotiating Sex and Intimacy	650	(2)
Getting the Outside Support You Need	652	(1)
Can Our Relationship Survive?	653	(6)
WEATHERING CHANGE AND CRISIS	653	(2)
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING IN LIKE"	655	(1)
SAVORING THE JOURNEY	656	(1)
Parents without Partners	657	(2)
Your Other Children	659	(15)
Sharing Your Time and Attention	659	(5)
Offering Reassurances	664	(3)
Visiting the NICU	667	(2)
Preparing Siblings for Your Preemie's Homecoming	669	(1)
After Homecoming	670	(4)
Points to Remember	674	(1)
CHAPTER TWENTY Your Support Network and the Outside World	675	(54)
The Importance of Support Networks	677	(9)
Connecting with Other Parents of Preemies	680	(2)
Finding Support Groups	682	(1)
Social Support for Fathers	683	(3)
Relationships with Your Extended Family	686	(13)
High Hopes ... Derailed	688	(1)
Family Coping	688	(4)
Grandparents Grieve, Too	692	(7)
COPING STYLES	693	(2)
BOUNDARIES	695	(4)
Friends and Others	699	(15)
Sharing Information with Others	699	(5)
Finding Your Place in the Parent Network	704	(2)
Educating Others	706	(1)
Dealing with Others' Comments	707	(4)
Dealing with Other Women's Pregnancies	711	(3)
Work and Home	714	(13)
Negotiating with Your Employer	714	(2)
Employment and Identity	716	(9)
RETURNING TO WORK	716	(2)
STAYING HOME	718	(2)
ADJUSTING TO STAYING HOME	720	(2)
FINE-TUNING THE BALANCE BETWEEN PARENTING AND CAREER	722	(3)
Running the Household	725	(4)
REACHING OUT FOR HELP	726	(1)
Points to Remember	727	(2)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE Considering Another Pregnancy	729	(22)
Should We Try Again?	729	(7)
Exploration and Discussion	733	(2)
Making Decisions with Your Partner	735	(1)
Deciding against Another Pregnancy	736	(3)
Reconsidering Your "Ideal" Family Size	738	(1)
Deciding to Try Again	739	(3)
When to Try Again	739	(3)
Coping with Others' Reactions	742	(1)
Prenatal Care	742	(7)
Working with Your Health Care Providers	742	(4)
Prenatal Diagnostic Testing	746	(1)
Childbirth Education	747	(2)
Points to Remember	749	(2)
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO Coping during a Post-Preemie Pregnancy	751	(38)
High Anxiety	752	(9)
Managing Fear	754	(4)
Facing and Managing Other Painful Feelings	758	(1)
Getting Past Significant Milestones	759	(2)
Coping with a High-Risk Pregnancy and Bed Rest	761	(16)
Managing the Uncertainties	762	(1)
Overcoming Feelings of Failure	763	(1)
Subduing Helplessness during Bed Rest	764	(1)
Maintaining Your Primary Relationship	765	(2)
Parenting during a High-Risk Pregnancy	767	(4)
CHILD CARE AND STAYING CONNECTED	767	(1)
MANAGING ON YOUR OWN	768	(1)
BALANCING CONFLICTING NEEDS	769	(1)
CHILDREN'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS	770	(1)
Tending to Your Emotional Needs during Bed Rest	771	(6)
GRACEFULLY GIVING UP CONTROL	771	(1)
FIGHTING BOREDOM	772	(2)
RESISTING ISOLATION	774	(1)
KEEPING YOUR SPIRITS UP	775	(2)
Birth and Afterward	777	(5)
When Joy Mixes with Sadness	778	(1)
Revisiting What Might Have Been	779	(1)
Complications with a Full-Term Birth	780	(1)
Homecoming	780	(2)
Another Preemie	782	(4)
Coping the Second (or More) Time Around	783	(1)
The NICU, Again	784	(2)
Points to Remember	786	(3)
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE Healing and Moving On	789	(28)
Remembering	791	(10)
Moving On but Not Forgetting	795	(2)
Letting Go of What Might Have Been	797	(1)
Moving On in the Face of Uncertainties	798	(2)
Talking to Your Growing Child about the NICU	800	(1)
Finding Meaning in Your Journey	801	(13)
Finding Treasure in Adversity	802	(2)
Weaving Treasures into Your Tapestry	804	(2)
Vulnerability, Appreciation, and Hope	806	(2)
Resilience	808	(2)
Personal Growth and Adaptation	810	(4)
Seeing Your Transformation as Healing	814	(3)
Appendices	817	(66)
A: A Note to Caregivers	817	(18)
B: A Note to Friends and Relatives	835	(8)
C: Resources	843	(36)
D: Neonatal Guidelines for Parents and Health Care Professionals from the Colorado Collective for Medical Decisions	879	(4)
Index	883