Plane Insanity A Flight Attendant's Tales of Sex, Rage, and Queasiness at 30,000 Feet

by Hester, Elliott

• ISBN13: 9780312310066
• ISBN10: 0312310064
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-02-05
• Publisher: Griffin

Summary

You're belted into a middle seat with burly businessmen on either side. It's ninety-two degrees and someone forgot deodorant. A baby screams. A kid kicks the back of your seat. After two hours the plane hasn't even left the gate. Welcome to modern airline travel! In Plane Insanity, flight attendant Elliott Hester delivers stories that could only come from a man who 'rides tin' for a living. Readers will hear about: - The passenger from hell - A smuggled python - Prostitutes working the lavatories - A riot in coach class - A heist - The anatomy of a carry-on bag - A malodorous couple - The Mile-High Club and more! Fasten your seatbelts. After Plane Insanity, you'll never think of air travel the same way.

Author Biography

Bestselling author Elliott Hester is a flight attendant, award-winning travel writer, and former Salon.com columnist. He writes, “Continental Drifter,” a syndicated travel column carried by the San Francisco Chronicle, The Miami Herald, New York Newsday, and other daily newspapers. He lives in Miami Beach, Florida.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	ix
Introduction	xiii
I BAD TRIPS
Something Smelly in the Air	3	(6)
Payback for a Condescending Jerk	9	(5)
Flying the Queasy Skies	14	(3)
The Heist	17	(5)
Escape from New York	22	(12)
The Ferret in First Class	34	(11)
II PUGNACITY ALOFT
When Fists Flew on the San Juan Special	45	(6)
Preventing the ``Delinquent-Flier'' Upgrade	51	(6)
Conduct Unbecoming an Investment Banker	57	(4)
The Passenger from Hell	61	(12)
III THE MOTLEY CREW
Fly Boys and Girls	73	(12)
The Flight Attendant from Hell	85	(7)
Tests, Drugs and Swollen Bladders	92	(7)
IV ``HUH?'' TRAVELING IN THE STATE OF CONFUSION
I Thought This Plane Was Heading to Antigua	99	(10)
Anatomy of a Carry-On Bag	109	(6)
Good Ole Airplane Sustenance	115	(5)
Doing the Non-Rev Shuffle	120	(5)
Out of the Mouths of Passengers	125	(10)
V ROCKET SCIENCE
Adios Hydraulics	135	(4)
Pass the Defibrillator Please	139	(15)
Sorry, Captain, I Broke the Airplane	154	(6)
The Thing About Turbulence...	160	(11)
VI LAYOVERS IN PURGATORY
Beer and Loathing in Caracas	171	(7)
Sex and the Thin-Walled Hotel Room	178	(5)
Just Another Flight to Cali, Colombia	183	(9)
The No-Show	192	(9)
VII THE MMM-MMM-MMM MILE-HIGH CLUB
Lechery at 30,000 Feet	201	(6)
Miguel Mendoza: Playboy of the Skies	207	(4)
Membership Has Its Privileges	211	(7)
Afterword	218	(3)
Believe It or Not: More Mind-Boggling Airline News from Around the Globe	221