Pregnancy Sucks for Men

by Kimes, Joanne

• ISBN13: 9781593371562
• ISBN10: 159337156X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-10-01
• Publisher: Adams Media Corp

Summary

Prescriptive and hilarious, Pregnancy Sucks for Men enables the father-to-be to: - Avoid getting puked on--now that his wife has a superhuman sense of smell- Offer and prepare the right foods when the woman of his dreams turns into a frightening hungry beast- Woo his wife into bed with romance, good timing, and by getting the housework done

Author Biography

An Adams Media author.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xiii
Introduction by Joanne Kimes	xv
Introduction by Jeff Kimes	xix
Prelude: The Art of Conception	1	(12)
Not Tonight Honey, Your Basal Thermometer Is Giving Me a Headache	2	(2)
If I'm So Good in Bed, Why Is My Aim So Bad?	4	(1)
How to Make Love to a Cup	5	(2)
Whose Wife Is This Anyway?	7	(2)
Bull's-Eye!	9	(4)
Chapter One: The First Month	13	(20)
What Goodies Await You This Month	14	(2)
Toodle-oo, Ta-Tas	16	(1)
What to Expect at the O.B.'s Office	17	(3)
Sex in the First Trimester	20	(2)
My Wife as a Dog	22	(2)
How to Live with a Woman with Mood Swings	24	(2)
Your Pregnancy Survival Kit	26	(2)
Your "Yes-Yes" List	28	(1)
Let the Bodily Functions Begin	29	(2)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	31	(2)
Chapter Two: The Second Month	33	(26)
What Goodies Await You This Month	34	(3)
How to Live with a Woman with Morning Sickness	37	(3)
Crib Notes	40	(4)
Now You're Cookin'!	44	(7)
How to Be a Domestic God	51	(3)
The "I'm So Hungry I Could Eat Your Face" Syndrome	54	(3)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	57	(2)
Chapter Three: The Third Month	59	(22)
What Goodies Await You This Month	60	(2)
Sympathy Pains	62	(2)
Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid	64	(3)
Headache. Anyone?	67	(2)
Un-Beauty Marks	69	(3)
How to Sleep with a jackhammer	72	(2)
Your Wife Is One Big Baby	74	(2)
Job Insecurity	76	(2)
Practice, Practice, Practice	78	(2)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	80	(1)
Chapter Four: The Fourth Month	81	(20)
What Goodies Await You This Month	82	(1)
Sex in the Second Trimester	83	(2)
Two Magic Words	85	(1)
Pregnancy Tests for You	86	(2)
Why It's Good to Be Girly (for a While)	88	(1)
How to Travel with a Pregnant Woman	89	(3)
How to Exercise for Two	92	(2)
How Your Wife Needs You to Behave	94	(3)
The Difference Between Boys and Girls	97	(3)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	100	(1)
Chapter Five: The Fifth Month	101	(20)
What Goodies Await You This Month	102	(1)
My Wife Just Doesn't Understand Me	103	(2)
Tips for Finding Out the Baby's Gender	105	(2)
How to Play the Pregnancy Game	107	(2)
What to Expect When She's Expanding	109	(3)
The Name Game	112	(2)
Heads, She Wins; Tails, You Lose	114	(2)
How to Make a Will	116	(2)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	118	(3)
Chapter Six: The Sixth Month	121	(20)
What Goodies Await You This Month	122	(2)
The Secret to Making Your Wife Happy	124	(2)
What You Need to Know about Life Insurance	126	(2)
How Much Does It Cost to Raise a Baby?	128	(4)
Multiple Births	132	(1)
Twelve Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman	133	(1)
Oh, Her Achin' Back	134	(2)
Playing the Pregnancy Card	136	(2)
Let Me Resent My Wife	138	(1)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	139	(2)
Chapter Seven: The Seventh Month	141	(20)
What Goodies Await You This Month	142	(2)
How to Make Bed Rest More Tolerable	144	(2)
Sex in the Third Trimester	146	(2)
Ways You Can Help Your Klutzy Wife	148	(2)
Paternity Leave	150	(2)
The Best Gifts to Buy Your Achy Breaky Wife	152	(2)
Babies "A" Expensive	154	(3)
Get a Plan in Writing	157	(3)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	160	(1)
Chapter Eight: The Eighth Month	161	(18)
What Goodies Await You This Month	162	(1)
How to Handle the Other Kids in Your House	163	(3)
Bondage	166	(2)
Goodbye, Peter Pan	168	(1)
How to Help Your Wife Sleep So You Can Too	169	(2)
If Men Had Babies	171	(1)
Things to Do While You Still Can	172	(1)
Brainless	173	(2)
The Lowdown on Lamaze	175	(2)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	177	(2)
Chapter Nine: The Ninth Month	179	(18)
What Goodies Await You This Month	180	(1)
The Push Gift	181	(2)
How to Pamper Your Preggo	183	(2)
The Baby Shower	185	(1)
Handy Man	186	(3)
Guess Who's Coming to the Delivery Room?	189	(2)
Must-Have Things for the Delivery Room	191	(2)
How to Stimulate Labor	193	(2)
The Light at the End of the Birth Canal	195	(1)
They Grow Up So Fast...Especially in Utero	196	(1)
Chapter Ten: Thar She Blows!	197	(14)
Stage Fright	198	(2)
How to Be a Good Coach	200	(2)
Your Labor Pains	202	(1)
The Bitch Is Back	203	(2)
Birth Day Surprises	205	(1)
Post-Delivery Stress Disorder	206	(2)
A Face That Even a Father Could Love	208	(3)
Chapter Eleven: Home Sweet Hell	211	(24)
What Goodies Await You After the Baby Comes Home	212	(2)
Let's Get Ready to Rumble!	214	(3)
Postpartum Sex	217	(3)
The Shape of Things to Come	220	(2)
Postpartum Depression	222	(2)
Tips on Travel	224	(3)
Are You Stay-at-Home Dad Material?	227	(2)
The Games People Play	229	(1)
How to Save for College	230	(2)
They Grow Up So Fast from Now On	232	(3)
Appendix: Resources List	235	(12)
Index	247