Pregnancy Sucks: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable

by Kimes, Joanne

• ISBN13: 9781580629348
• ISBN10: 1580629342
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-11-01
• Publisher: SIMON & SCHUSTER INC

Summary

Practical and humorous advice on what to do when your miracle makes you miserable.

Author Biography

Joanne Kimes has written for a number of children's and comedy television shows. A resident of Studio City, CA, she has one daughter Sanford A. Tisherman, M.D., has been a practicing OB/GYN since 1966. He is the Senior Attending Physician at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and serves as Associate Clinical Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at UCLA

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	xiii
Introduction: A Book Is Born	xv
Chapter One: The First Month	1	(28)
Choosing an O.B.	2	(3)
The No-No List	5	(3)
Sore Boobs	8	(2)
Morning, Noon, and Night Sickness	10	(6)
Gas!	16	(1)
Resentment Toward Your Hubby	17	(2)
Tests, Tests, and More Tests	19	(2)
Dreams and Other Nightmares	21	(1)
To Tell or Not to Tell	22	(3)
Pregnancy Math	25	(2)
How to Eat for Two	27	(2)
Chapter Two: The Second Month	29	(16)
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman with Child	30	(2)
Your Superhero Nose	32	(1)
Pregnancy Junkie	33	(2)
Spotting	35	(2)
I Need to Lie Down	37	(1)
Oh My Achin' Head	37	(2)
"Urine" for Fun	39	(1)
Miscarriage	40	(3)
Sex During the First Trimester	43	(2)
Chapter Three: The Third Month	45	(18)
I Can't Breathe!	46	(2)
Is My Baby Okay in There?	48	(1)
Here I Grow Again	49	(2)
A New Wardrobe	51	(2)
The Name Game	53	(3)
Your Newfound Celebrity	56	(1)
Drooling	57	(1)
My Bloody Nose	58	(2)
Beware of Your Nipples	60	(3)
Chapter Four:The Fourth Month	63	(20)
Hyperemesis	64	(2)
Sex During the Second Trimester	66	(2)
The Ultrasound	68	(3)
I'm Scared!	71	(2)
Vaginal Discharge	73	(2)
Toilet Troubles	75	(2)
Bloody Gums	77	(1)
Genetic Testing	78	(2)
Boy or Girl?	80	(3)
Chapter Five: The Fifth Month	83	(18)
Pains Under Your Uterus	84	(2)
Your Cheesy Belly	86	(2)
You're So Vein	88	(2)
Who Asked You?	90	(2)
Third Nipples and Other Gross Things	92	(2)
That's a Hormone of a Different Color	94	(2)
Backaches	96	(1)
Sciatica	97	(4)
Chapter Six: The Sixth Month	101	(16)
Dark Back Hair and Other Icky Things	102	(2)
Leg Cramps	104	(1)
Belly Touching	105	(1)
An Itchy Stomach	106	(1)
Incompetent Cervix	107	(1)
What, Me Exercise?	108	(2)
Oops, There She Goes!	110	(4)
Pains in the Tucchus	114	(3)
Chapter Seven: The Seventh Month	117	(20)
Swelling Ain't Swell	118	(2)
Temporary Insanity	120	(1)
Sex During the Third Trimester	121	(2)
Toxemia: The Pressure is On	123	(2)
Third-Trimester Bleeding	125	(3)
Braxton Hicks	128	(1)
I Can't Sleep	129	(2)
Gestational Diabetes	131	(2)
Bed Rest	133	(4)
Chapter Eight: The Eighth Month	137	(20)
Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot	138	(2)
Yeast Infections	140	(1)
Stretched to Extremes	141	(2)
Heartburn	143	(2)
"Urine" For Even More Fun	145	(1)
Incontinence: A Condition That's Sure to Piss You Off	146	(3)
Numb and Number	149	(1)
Stop That Kicking!	150	(2)
How the Hell Is This Thing Coming Out?	152	(3)
Don't Breech to Me	155	(2)
Chapter Nine: The Ninth Month	157	(26)
Baby Shower 101	158	(6)
Nesting Instinct	164	(2)
Lamaze Class	166	(3)
Nursing Bras	169	(2)
Decorating the Baby's Room	171	(2)
Taking a Tour of the Hospital	173	(2)
Am I in Labor?	175	(2)
False Labor	177	(1)
How to Start Labor	178	(5)
Chapter Ten: Let the Bloody Show Begin	183	(28)
Inducing	185	(3)
"Lookie Loos"	188	(2)
How to Breathe Through a Contraction	190	(3)
Gimme Drugs	193	(3)
How to Push with a Passion	196	(3)
Episiotomy: Let'er Rip	199	(1)
The "C" word	200	(2)
Bonding	202	(1)
What to Do When Nature Calls	203	(4)
Lochia: Who Knew?	207	(1)
Got Milk?	208	(3)
Chapter Eleven: Home, Bittersweet Home	211	(26)
Baby Blues	213	(2)
How to Deal with Visitors	215	(3)
Better Sleep for You and Your Baby	218	(1)
Baby Hygiene	219	(2)
Sex after the Last Trimester	221	(3)
Sleep Deprivation	224	(3)
Muscle Soreness	227	(2)
Reconcilable Differences	229	(2)
How to Deal with a Crying Baby	231	(2)
The Basics	233	(2)
About the Third Month	235	(2)
Appendix: Resources List	237	(12)
Index	249