Dr. Pepper Schwartz has spent the past three decades encouraging women to embrace their sexual appetites. But when she became a single woman after 23 years of marriage, she had to take her own advice and discover how sex and dating could work for her at this unique time in her life. Prime is her story of exploration-sex, adventure, and romance-spread out like a road map for women of every age. Whether you're looking to wake up a tired sex life, start a new relationship, or commit to the love of your life, you can find tempting tips and genuinely helpful guidance. Prime invites every woman to relish her sexuality, take risks, and go after what she really wants.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, is the industry's leading relationship authority. She is currently the relationship expert for PerfectMatch.com and a professor of cociology at the University of Washington in Seattle

How Did I Get Here?: Asking Questions	p. 1
Being Single: Is Sex a Sandwich?	p. 7
Discovering Sex and Sexology: Reflecting on the Past	p. 27
The Man Who Made Animal Noises: Who's Out There?	p. 56
The Lover: Intensity and Passion	p. 78
Huge Hands: Seductive Toxic Relationships	p. 132
The Commitment: Love and Compromise	p. 155
A Special Friendship (with Benefits): Same Time Next Year	p. 192
Dancing with a Balinese Cowboy: Trying Things One Might Not Try at Home	p. 220
The Pineapple: About Risks and Rewards	p. 255
Not Too Long Afterward	p. 261
Acknowledgments	p. 263
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

What is included with this book?

The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

Prime
Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years

Chapter One

How Did I Get Here?

Asking Questions

Dear Dr. Pepper:
I am a single woman, divorced after 23 years of marriage, with my kids off to college. Ideally, I would like to have a serious relationship, but if that isn't around the corner, I still want sex and companionship. I find myself in a world of chat-room hookups, cybermatchmaking, and coconut-flavored glow-in-the-dark condoms. I feel as sexually alive as I did when I was 25, but the number and availability of men for me has changed. How do I look for a life partner and enjoy sexual adventures along the way? Oh, yes, and did I mention that I really enjoy sex?
Advice, please.
Sincerely,
A Single Sexologist in Seattle

After three decades of answering people's questions about their emotional, sexual, and romantic lives, after writing numerous books on sex and relationships, after thirty-five years as a professor of sociology at the University of Washington, you would think I could come up with an easy answer to my own question. The situation was at least humorous and in no small part ironic.

I had plenty of good advice for women in my situation based on solid scientific research. But I had not always followed what I knew to be the best course since my own divorce. Still, I am five years older than when I left my husband, and I think a wiser person than the woman who reentered the singles scene after almost a quarter of a century as a married woman.

A Special Time, Place, and Situation

Here I am on a teak lounge chair, west of Kuta Beach on Bali, which is one of the most romantic islands on earth. I am thinking about what I want out of my life and from men. Bali is my muse for this reverie and she never ceases to inspire me. This is an island that celebrates the senses. Hospitality and massage are honed to fine arts. Perhaps most important, the island is enduringly attractive and easy to live on, at least in part because it's a place where a single woman can feel safe strolling the beaches and villages. I can even banter and flirt with local men of all ages and not worry that anything unwanted is going to happen.

On this island, if my last two trips here were any indication, I will soon find myself in a place I rarely get to spend much my time—the reflective, contemplative present. I'm usually speeding through life, juggling appointments, putting out fires, and scheduling for the near and far future. The prospect of trimming away all of that for a while is exciting.

My friend interrupts my soul-searching.

"Enjoying the guide book?" asks the tall, trim man with salt-and-pepper hair.

Dom has returned from his postlunch stroll down the beach. He is a welcome break from my what am I doing with my life? train of thought. Dominic is in the top tier of my favorite traveling companions. When I told him I needed support for the book I was writing, he suggested that he was the man for the job. I agreed and he signed up to accompany me to Bali for two weeks while I finished it. My first thought as I look at him striding toward me is that he has come to get me to take a walk with him. That's usually fun since we are quite the sight together: He is about six-foot-four and I don't quite reach five feet. But Dom is worried that I have been rushing around too much and he is on a program to slow me down.

"It's so good to finally be here at the same time," Dom says. He looks rested and tan, and I can see that his week on Bali prior to my arrival has been calming and rejuvenating.

"I'm going to get us some cold water. I'll be right back," Dom says. "I want you to enjoy this peaceful afternoon and just unwind after your long flight. By tomorrow you'll feel fantastic."

My friend the Zen Buddhist was always trying to get me to be more peaceful—which was usually a very hard thing for me to do. This time, however, I had signed up for the program. Bali was going to be different.

"Relaxing is going to be easy," I say. "I think counting waves would be a fine activity for today. I've had my head down, eyes on the finish line for this book for a little too long. It's got to be done by September, but I can see the end and I'm less nervous now."

"Well, it looks like you have the perfect afternoon. Just remember you have your appointment for the four-hand massage at Antique Spa at four thirty. And I want a full report on what those two men actually do."

I laugh at Dom's alternate mothering and voyeurism. "Hey, Dom, if I ever forget I have an appointment for two guys to work on my body, just shoot me right then! Anyhow, I promise to reveal all over our sunset drink."

Dom turns to me, sporting a mischievous grin. "And Pepper, please promise me you will tuck away your laptop, cell phone, and Blackberry and just unwind for a few hours, okay?"

I smile. Dom knows me well.

A Warning

My tall friend heads up to the vendor stands. The sun is high in the sky and I return to my Bali guidebook, shifting my chair a bit so I catch some shade. I turn to a page Dom has bookmarked for me about typical travelers' dos and don'ts. A special warning for women catches my eye. The guidebook cautions "female tourists in the beach town of Kuta (Koo-tah)" need to be on the alert for a special breed of gigolo called a "Kuta cowboy." I laugh. I find it humorous that the author is worried about . . .

Prime
Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years. Copyright © by Pepper Schwartz. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Excerpted from Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years by Pepper Schwartz
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.