Real Deal : Discover the Rewards of Authentic Relationships

by Bill Hybels with Kevin and Sherry Harney

• ISBN13: 9780310266013
• ISBN10: 0310266017
• Edition: Revised
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-08-01
• Publisher: Zondervan

Summary

If you're ready to experience the joy of true, deep community, this study will help you move beyond your fears into the realm of knowing others and being known by them. 6 SESSIONS

Author Biography

Bill Hybels is the founding and senior pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Illinois Kevin and Sherry Harney serve together at Corinth Reformed Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where Kevin is teaching pastor

Table of Contents

Interactions	p. 7
Introduction: Discovering the Rewards of Authentic Relationships	p. 9
Secret Conversations	p. 11
Five Deadly Lies	p. 19
Truth or Consequences	p. 27
Games People Play	p. 35
Expressing Positive Emotions	p. 43
Hearing the Truth	p. 51
Leader's Notes	p. 59
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

The Real Deal
Copyright © 1997 by Willow Creek Association
Previously published as Transparency
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
ISBN-10: 0-310-26601-7
ISBN-13: 978-0-310-26601-3
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International
Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of
Zondervan. All rights reserved.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any
other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Interior design by Rick Devon and Michelle Espinoza
Printed in the United States of America
05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 /?DCI/ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
SESSION 1
THE REAL DEAL
THE BIG PICTURE
Some years ago it was discovered that the new American
embassy in Moscow was so loaded with electronic listening
devices that every single conversation in the place
could be picked up and recorded by the Russians, giving
them instant access to private conversations. In fact, one
report said that the entire steel structure of the building was
like a giant antenna. Our governmental leaders were outraged,
and rightly so.
A breach in confidentiality in foreign relations can be dangerous
and costly. Private conversations are meant to be just
that . . . private! When privacy is invaded, something is
very wrong. When confidentiality is betrayed, sparks
begin to fly! No one wants their private conversations
made public.
We are all aware that private conversations go on between
people, but did you know there are private conversations
going on inside of you? We all talk to ourselves and carry
on private conversations in our minds. These secret conversations
we have with ourselves can be damaging or
strengthening. One thing is for sure, it’s probably a good
thing there aren’t electronic listening devices that can
record and play back the private conversations that run
through our mind each day.
SECRET
CONVERSATIONS
A W I D E A N G L E V I E W
1. Describe how you felt when someone in your life took
a private conversation you had with them and made it
public information.
What impact did this have on your relationship?
A B I B L I C A L P O R T R A I T
Read John 8:31–32, 42–47 2. Describe the vivid and contrasting portraits of Jesus
and Satan in this passage.
3. How does Jesus challenge the belief system of the
religious leaders of His day?
How can these challenges speak to “religious” people today?
S H A R P E N I N G T H E F O C U S
Read Snapshot “Secret Conversations About Your Self-Worth”
4. Most of us have secret conversations about our selfworth
that cover both sides of the above spectrum. If
your fellow small group members could hear your
secret conversations about your self-worth, what is
one thing they would learn about you?
SECRET CONVERSATIONS ABOUT YOUR SELF-WORTH
Your secret conversations about your own worth or value are enormously important. If we could put
an electronic listening device on some people, we might hear something like, “Everybody looks so
normal and happy. What’s the matter with me? Why don’t I feel happy? Why can’t I be more relaxed
and secure? It’s because I’m not attractive, bright, and witty like everyone else. And I’m certainly not
as spiritual. Face it, I don’t measure up. I really don’t matter at all.”
Many conversations like this happen in the minds of people throughout the day. In fact, some people experience
steady streams of self-talk that denigrate their self-worth day after day, week after week, month after month, year after
year. These conversations are not benign banterings; rather like a deadly cancer, they take a dreadful toll.
Contrast the above conversation with the private conversation going on in someone else’s mind: “I live my day among
countless people and yet the God of the Universe is thinking of me each moment. He knows my name. The hairs of my
head are numbered. He enjoys my fellowship, prayers, and worship. He delights in me as I walk with Him. I can feel His
smile as I seek to follow Him each day.” Can you hear the difference? One conversation ends in defeat and discouragement,
the other in praise and celebration. When we think about it this way, it’s easy to see how our secret conversations
about our self-worth have a powerful impact on our lives.
5. When you have positive secret conversations about
your own self-worth, what are the sources of this
positive view of yourself?
Read Snapshot “Secret Conversations About Personal
Competency”
6. Choose one of the areas listed below and give an
example of what a negative secret conversation about
personal competency might sound like:
• Going out on a first date
• Starting a small business
• Being asked to serve in a church ministry
• Going back to school for additional education
SECRET CONVERSATIONS ABOUT PERSONAL COMPETENCY
We need to be very sensitive about our private conversations when it comes to the area of personal
competency. Imagine two people driving to their first day of a new job. One is in the car saying to
himself, “This is going to be a disaster. I’m in way over my head. I’m going to wind up blowing this
thing. I never do anything well. I make stupid mistakes. I wonder how long this job will last?
Probably as long as my last one.”
A woman is a mile back on the same expressway holding her own private conversation. She’s saying, “You know, first
days are always awkward. But that’s life. The awkwardness will pass. It always does. I can probably learn the ropes
with a little time, and all I have to do is give it my best shot. I’ll probably do just fine, especially with help from above.
I’m going to trust You today, Lord, and I know that You never fail.”
Which of these two people has a better chance of succeeding? When it comes to personal competency matters,
self-talk is critical!
What can you do to fight against the natural tendency to have
these kinds of debilitating negative secret conversations?
7. Using the same area you chose above, give an example
of what a positive secret conversation about personal
competency might sound like.
What can you do to develop a more positive internal dialogue
about your personal competency?
Read Snapshot “Secret Conversations About Spiritual Matters”
SECRET CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SPIRITUAL MATTERS
As in personal matters, self-talk can also flow freely, and often unconsciously, in the area of spiritual
matters. The importance of spiritual self-talk cannot be overemphasized. The quality of your life—
and perhaps your eternal destiny—hinges upon your private spiritual conversations and the subsequent
conclusions you come to in those internal dialogues.
Some people talk to themselves with real honesty. They say, “I know I have

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Excerpted from The Real Deal: Discover the Rewards of Authentic Relationships by Bill Hybels, Hybels
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