Sacred Influence : What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants

by Gary Thomas, Bestselling Author of Sacred Marriage

• ISBN13: 9780310247401
• ISBN10: 0310247403
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2006-04-01
• Publisher: Zondervan

Summary

God calls women to influence and move their husbands in positive ways. Applying the concepts from his bestseller, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas offers a view through a man's eyes. Here's the inside scoop on what men find motivating-with inspiring real-life stories of women who are employing this knowledge to transform their marriages. Sacred Influence doesn't flinch from difficult marital problems. But by using this faith-focused approach, you'll see how to help your husband become the man God intends him to be. At the same time, God will shape you to be the woman he designed you to be. God has given godly women a wonderful power to influence and encourage their husbands. What's the secret? This book will provide challenges, examples, and hope to women who want to love their husbands well and be loved well in return. --Dennis Rainey, President of Family Life

Table of Contents

Dear Readers	9	(2)
Acknowledgments	11	(2)
Introduction: God Hears and Sees	13	(6)
Part 1: Your Marriage Makeover Begins with You
The Glory of a Godly Woman	19	(10)
Understanding Who You Are in Christ
The Strength of a Godly Woman	29	(8)
Becoming Strong Enough to Address Your Husband's ``Functional Fixedness''
``Be Worthy of Me''	37	(10)
How God Uses the Weaknesses of Others to Help Us Grow
Part 2: Creating the Climate for Change
The Widow at Zarephath	47	(12)
Understanding a Man's Deepest Thirst
The Zarephath Legacy	59	(18)
How You Can Learn to Appreciate an Imperfect Man
The Helper	77	(14)
Embracing the High Call of Marriage
A Claim, a Call, and a Commitment	91	(10)
Focusing on Personal Responsibilities
Understanding the Male Mind	101	(14)
Learning to Make Allowances for Your Husband's Masculinity
Jeanne-Antoinette	115	(18)
The Power of a Persistent Pursuit
Part 3: Confronting the Most Common Concerns
Ray and Jo: Taming the Temper, Part 1	133	(14)
Self-Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband's Anger
Taming the Temper, Part 2	147	(10)
Learning to Navigate through Your Husband's Anger
Rich and Pat: The Magic Question	157	(14)
Helping Your Husband to Become More Involved at Home
The Biology of a Busy Man	171	(14)
How to Help Your Man Put Family First
Pure Passion	185	(20)
Cementing Your Husband's Affections and Protecting His Spiritual Integrity
Ken and Diana: Affair on the Internet	205	(14)
Winning Back the Husband Who Strays
John and Catherine: Finding Faith	219	(18)
Influencing a Nonbelieving or Spiritually Immature Husband
Epilogue: Everlasting Beauty	237	(6)
Notes	243

Excerpts

Sacred InfluenceCopyright © 2006 by Gary L. ThomasRequests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataThomas, Gary (Gary Lee) –Sacred influence : what a man needs from his wife to be the husband she wants /Gary L. Thomas.p. cm.Includes bibliographical references.ISBN-10: 0-310-24740-3ISBN-13: 978-0-310-24740-11. Wives — Religious life. 2. Influence (Psychology) — Religious aspects — Christianity.3. Husbands — Psychology. 4. Marriage — Religious Aspects — Christianity.I. Title.BV4528.15.T56 2006248.8'435 — dc222005023927This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: NewInternational Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994,1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrievalsystem, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy,recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the priorpermission of the publisher.Interior design by Michelle EspinozaPrinted in the United States of America06 07 08 09 10 11 12 • 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1We want to hear from you. Please send your comments about thisbook to us in care of [e-mail]. Thank you.Part 1Your Marriage MakeoverBegins with YouChapter 1The Glory ofa Godly WomanUnderstanding Who You Are in ChristI laughed out loud when I saw it. While waiting in line at a grocerystore, I read the cover of a leading women’s magazine and just hadto write down the title of one of its articles: “Why so many smart,good women put up with snarly, dreadful men.”You know what made me laugh? I can’t even imagine a leadingmen’s magazine — say, GQ or Esquire — with an article titled “Whyso many honorable, decent men put up with conniving, manipulativewomen.” It would never happen. Nor will you ever see bookstitled Men Who Love Too Much or The Men-Haters and the Men WhoLove Them.There’s a good reason for this. Historically, neurologically,socially, and even biblically, I believe one can make the case thatwomen tend to be more invested in their relationships and marriagesthan are men. As my friend Dr. Melody Rhode, a psychologist andmarriage and family therapist, puts it, “Women are bent to their husbands;we just are.” This reality has its roots in the very first family.Back in Genesis 3, following the fall, God tells Eve, “Your desirewill be for your husband” (verse 16). Respected Old Testamentcommentators Keil and Delitzsch suggest that the Hebrew languagehere evokes a “desire bordering on disease.”1 It comes from a rootword connoting a “violent craving” for something.Some women exhibit more of this than others. I recently listenedto a talk program in which a woman described how her husbandhad carried on a secret affair for more than four years. The husbandhad acted cruelly on many fronts. He had introduced his mistress tohis wife, for example, and in his wife’s absence he had brought themistress home. In fact, he even took his mistress into his wife’s bed.The illicit relationship ended only when the mistress died.But do you know what most surprised me about the call? Thewife seemed more concerned about losing this despicable manthan she did about facing a life without him! Even though he haddisrespected her as deeply as possible, trampled on their maritalintimacy,and offended their marriage bed, she felt more afraid ofwaking up without him than of waking up next to him. In fact, shereally wanted to find out more about the mistress! What did shelook like? What kind of personality did she have? What did herhusband see in her?Contrast this with a recent question-and-answer article in SportsIllustrated, in which a number of professional male athletes wereasked if they would ever take back a “runaway bride,” a woman wholeft them at the altar and embarrassed them in front of their familyand friends. Not a single athlete said he would. One of the menresponded so vehemently and colorfully that I can’t even print hisanswer in this book.Why the discrepancy? In some cases, it may indeed be thatwomen are more spiritually and emotionally mature, willing to forgivefor the sake of the family and larger considerations. But in othercases, it might be less noble than that. Some women never rise abovea sinful propensity to define themselves according to their likability— or acceptance — by men. Unfortunately, some men seem tohave an ultrasensitive spiritual radar that picks up on this. Theysomehow intuit a woman’s spiritual neediness and will exploit it fortheir own ends.Because of Christ’s work and the conquering power of the HolySpirit, however, Christianwomen can be set free from such psychologicaldependency and destruction. Listen to a passage from 1 Corinthians7, as rendered by Eugene Peterson in The Message: “Anddon’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey andlove and believe right there. God, not your marital status, definesyour life” (verse 17).Did you catch that last line? God, not your marital status, definesyour life.Is this true of you? The more it is, the more success you willhave in moving your man, because weak women usually forfeit theirinfluence.Look at this from a very practical perspective: do you care muchabout what a person for whom you have little respect thinks of you?Probably not. So then, how is such a person going to influence you?When their opinion doesn’t matter, they may communicate clearly,honestly, and practically — but you’re still not going to listen to them.In the same way, if your husband doesn’t respect you, if you havesinfully put his acceptance of you over your identity as a daughter ofGod, then how will you ever influence him for the better?Now let’s put a positive spin on this. If someone you really respect,greatly admire, and enjoy spending time with comes to youwith a concern, aren’t you going to give their words extra thought?Aren’t you at least going to consider that they may have a point, andthat you need to pay attention?Of course you are.This explains why the type of woman who moves her man is awoman who also impresses her man. I heard one husband gush abouthis wife’s business acumen, while another raved about his wife’s intelligence.Yet a third man went on and on about his wife’s spiritualmaturity and her ability to understand the Bible.

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Excerpted from Sacred Influence: What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants by Gary Thomas
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.