Say It and Solve It Get the results you want from the business conversations that count

by James, Karl

• ISBN13: 9780273791751
• ISBN10: 0273791753
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2014-07-17
• Publisher: FT Press

Summary

 

Karl’s knowledge makes his voice in this territory unique and hugely readable.”

Dave Lewis, President, Personal Care, Unilever

 

 

Why are the most important conversations the most difficult to handle? You know you have to have them, but still you put them off. And you want them to go well but you don’t know how to make sure they do.

 

How do you prepare? What words should you use? How do you make your point without getting too nervous, tongue-tied or upset? And how are you going to solve the problem that needs addressing without upsetting someone?

 

Say It and Solve it will coach you in the ten expert skills that peace negotiators, mediators and therapists use to take on even the most challenging situations and make every conversation count.

 

You’ll discover:

·   Fascinating insights into how conversations really work: when to listen, when to talk and when to shut up!

·   How to avoid the most common mistakes that everyone makes.

·   The ten most powerful skills you need to tackle any conversation in any situation.

·   Expert guidance on handling tricky conversations in real-world, workplace situations.

 

Stop putting off those tricky conversations and start talking (and listening) your way to solutions and success.

Author Biography

Karl is a trusted consultant to Unilever and has worked for more than a decade with senior individuals and teams in other large-scale organisations like TBWA, BA and the BBC, as well as smaller companies, helping to develop effective conversations in the culture of the organisation In the last few years Karl has worked internationally and in the UK as a mediator and negotiator. His website www.thedialogueproject.com is regularly visited by more than 1,000 people every month.

Table of Contents

Contents

PART ONE – PRINCIPLES AND SKILLS

 

1. The Ins and Outs of Conversation

An introduction to the underlying principles of dialogue that underpin the 10 skills.

 

2. The Big Picture

An overview of how and why great conversations come down to 10 simple skills.

 

3. Skill #1 – Step Out

How to keep the hardest of conversations safe and satisfying by navigating well.

 

4. Skill #2 – Take Me There

How to describe what it is you’re thinking and feeling, so you’re properly understood.

 

5. Skill #3 – Eyes and Ears

How learning to listen to the small things can make the biggest difference.

 

6. Skill #4 – Stay Close

How to check you’re not getting the wrong end of the stick. (Mis understanding is the norm.)

 

7. Skill #5 – Dig Deeper

How to probe beneath what’s obvious - and find out more.

 

8. Skill #6 – Dare To Share

How to disclose what you’re really thinking and feeling, without offending people.

 

9. Skill #7 – Pause

How to give yourself (and others) permission to take enough time and think.

 

10. Skill #8 – Make It Together

How to build an idea or a solution with someone - not in spite of them.

 

11. Skill #9 – Balance

How to make sure a conversation doesn’t tilt too far in one direction.

 

12. Skill #10 – Who Knows?

How to genuinely keep an open mind to create the new and unforeseen.

 

PART TWO – SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE (some of these could be online)

 

13. Money - “Neither a lender nor a borrower be…”

How to make sure you don’t get turned over when it comes to money.

How to talk about not having money.

How to encourage people to give you money.

 

14. The Experts - “When I said magnolia…”

The plumber, the builder, the decorator, the mechanic; how to make sure that when it comes to life’s craftsmen and women, the specialists in life, we have a thorough understanding of what’s possible and we get what we need.

 

15. Work - “I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve asked you here today…”

How to get the job in an interview.

How to deal with those who work with you and for you.

How to deal with your boss.

And how to have better, quicker meetings.

 

16. Neighbours - “Can we have our garden back please?”

How to get to know the people next door. (But not too well.)

How to deal with difficult neighbours.

 

17. Children - “How many times do I have to tell you?”

Teaching, playing, guiding and disciplining your child through conversation:

How to make the most of your time with your young child and help them learn.

How to enjoy talking with your 5 - 10 year old.

How to talk to your teenager. (Or not.)

 

18. Partners - “I love you. I just don’t like you very much today.”

Starting a relationship - flirting, dating and the art of seduction.

Maintaining a relationship - how to keep things going well.

Resolving differences - how to work through the tough times.

Ending a relationship - how to split up without killing each other.

 

19. Parents - “Yes Mum. Of course I’ll remember Father’s Day. ”

How to talk to your parents when you’re young.

How to talk to your parents when they’re old.

How to listen to your parents. (When you feel you can’t any more.)

 

20. Family - “Let’s all spend Christmas together this year.”

How to survive, manage and enjoy family get-togethers.

How to help when family members fall out with each other.

 

21. Sex - “Not like that, like this.”

How to have better sex by having better conversations.

How to say no and make sure it’s understood.

 

22. Health - “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about…”

How to talk about embarrassing health issues without being embarrassed.

How to share what might be a very personal concern about yourself or someone else.

 

23. Death - “I want to be buried at sea…  just not yet.”

How to talk about funerals and wills without being morbid.

How to tell your children where Grandma’s gone.

How to help others deal with grief.

 

24. Friendships - “I can only say this to you…”

How to make new friends.

How to look after your friendships.

How to handle a friendship that’s going wrong.

 

25. Ten Top Tips

1) How to give bad news well.                                  

2) How to stop fights.

3) How to get more space on the train.                   

4) How to keep your temper.

5) How to tell someone they smell lovely.               

 6) How to tell someone they smell.

7) How to give good directions.                                

8) How to interrupt someone. Nicely.

9) How to get angry without ruining your day.               

10) How to give brilliant speeches.