Summary

In The Seven Worst Things Good Parents Do, therapists John and Linda Friel gave parents an easy-to-understand guide to overcome the seven worst mistakes even good parents make while raising children. Now they've written a book for teens based on the same formula: it includes the seven worst things even smart-and outwardly successful-teens do, and shows teens how they can change these behaviors and assure their success in life as they grow towards adulthood. This book was written expressly for teenagers as a unique roadmap into adulthood. It was designed to stimulate the brain as well as the heart because teenagers who listen to both can eventually negotiate adolescence successfully. It will appeal to teenagers who like to think, wonder, question and challenge, as well as to teenagers who feel that they haven't quite figured out this "life" thing. The Friels show teens the seven things they need to do in order to overcome common roadblocks they face or will face. These are: Become competent-don't expect to have self-esteem without becoming competentMaster your feelings-don't let your feelings run the showBreak the silence-don't silently scream instead of making yourself knownGet healthy power-don't avoid learning about powerFace the serious stuff-don't hide the really important things you're experiencingFind an identity-don't avoid the struggle to find yourselfLearn to stake out the extremes-don't live only in the extremes.Written in clear, straightforward language and including many interesting and colorful story interludes, this book is an easy-to-use, powerful tool for all teens.

Author Biography

John C. Friel, Ph.D., and Linda Friel, M.A., are full-time practicing psychologists in the Minneapolis/St. Paul suburbs

Preface: In the Beginning

Acknowledgments

Why You Should Read This Book

xvii

Part I: The Agony and the Ecstasy, the Power and the Glory

The Parrot, the Appalachian Science Student, the Suburban Lawyer, the Media Rep, the Murderers and the Vandal, and the Grace in South Central L.A.

(14)

Thumb Your Nose at Gravity

(12)

The Cockapoo and the Labrador

(8)

Part II: The Seven Best Things

Become Competent: You Can't Get Self-Esteem from Talking to Yourself in Front of the Mirror or Being Smothered with Praise

(22)

Master Your Feelings: Don't Let the Tail Wag the Dog

(24)

Break the Silence: It Takes So Much Energy to Silently Scream

(22)

Get Healthy Power: Learn to Respectfully Make Things Happen

105

(22)

Face the Serious Stuff: Some Things Are Too Big to Keep Buried

127

(22)

Find an Identity: From Accepting Without Question to Discovering Your Own Path

149

(24)

Start Learning to Stake Out the Extremes: It's the Universal Skill

173

(22)

The Labrador and the Cockapoo

195

(14)

Part III: Some Tips

Becoming Competent

209

(6)

Mastering Feelings

215

(8)

Breaking the Silence

223

(6)

Getting Healthy Power

229

(8)

Facing the Serious Stuff

237

(12)

Finding an Identity

249

(6)

Staking Out the Extremes

255

(8)

Part IV: Bringing It All Back Home

And in the End

263

(4)

Appendix: Why Seven?

267

(4)

Endnotes

271

(4)

Bibliography

275

Supplemental Materials

What is included with this book?

The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

Excerpts

Part IThe Agony and theEcstasy, the Powerand the GloryThe Parrot, the Appalachian Science Student, the Suburban Lawyer, the Media Rep, the Murderers and the Vandal, and the Grace in South Central L.A.No plan is perfect. At any time we may have to abandon ship and jump into the unknown.ùJoan Borysenko, A Woman's Journey to God: Finding the Feminine Path, 1999Out of Tension and Conflict, RespectThe Parrot and the Appalachian Science StudentA young man gets on a crosstown bus. He has spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare, and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry, and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the young man becomes self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at! Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son." This joke has been circulating on the Internet for years, and is, in fact, so old and so corny that we should be embarrassed to pass it on to you. We aren't, however, because on further reflection it becomes obvious that we could design an entire university course based on sorting out the infinite levels of developmental and family dynamics contained within this fascinating little story. Are there universal themes contained in this tale? Do all older adults feel this way about younger adults? Could there be a faint hint of warmth and playfulness in the old man's comment? If the younger man chooses to respond to the old man's sarcastic comment as if it might contain bits of warmth rather than just hostility, could the two men develop a friendship? Could their balanced confrontationùtheir squaring off as they didùallow them to attain a level of intimacy that is unimaginable had both of them sat silently in discomfort and contempt for each other? How is this scenario nearly identical to the poignant 1950s dynamic between Homer Hickam Jr. and his West Virginia coal-mining father in the autobiographical film October Sky? In that movie, the father remained angry, disappointed and distant for almost too long as his high school son, with equal stubbornness, pursued his seemingly impossible dream of building a successful model rocket and qualifying for the national science fair. Is there wisdom in humor, or only anger and contempt? Is strong conflict a key ingredient to the kind of deep relationships for which we all long? Well, as we just said, it would be a piece of cake to design an entire university course around the themes and dynamics contained within this corny tale.The Suburban Lawyer"I think there ought to be a place to send kids when they're thirteenùa holdi

Excerpted from The Seven Best Things Smart Teens Do by John C. Friel, Linda D. Friel, John Friel
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