Sex: A User's Guide

by ARNOTT, STEPHEN

• ISBN13: 9780385337069
• ISBN10: 038533706X
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2003-07-01
• Publisher: Delta

Summary

Everything you always wanted to know about the one subject that never gets old... When it comes to sex, a little knowledge goes a long, long way. Here, at last, is the perfect little book to tease your imagination and test your sexual IQ (ever heard of the Turtle Stirs position?). From techniques to tall tales, from the physiology of sex to an astounding guide to Sex Slang (Shuffle the Kit Kat? Play the Boneaphone?), this stimulating collection of titillating tidbits, bizarre curiosities, and historical facts is guaranteed to satisfy your lust for knowledge. Did you know... * Nipple rings were popular in the late Victorian Era (see page 27) * The plain, bland graham cracker was originally invented to smother the sex drive (see page 94) * Cleopatra owned one of the world's first vibrators--a small container of buzzing bees (see page 206) PLUS The History of Sex * Sex in Literature, Film, and Art * Famous Sexual Athletes (and flops) *Perversions and Taboos * And Much More! From the Trade Paperback edition.

Table of Contents

Introduction	xv
Birds Do It, Bees Do It---Sex in the Animal Kingdom	1	(9)
The Naked Ape	2	(1)
Giving Him the Bone	3	(1)
Bird Penises	3	(1)
Big Penises	4	(1)
Weird Penises	5	(1)
Super Sperm	6	(1)
Perverts of the Animal Kingdom	7	(1)
Vaginal Plugs	8	(2)
Hello, I Love You---Sexual Attraction	10	(12)
You've Got the Cutest Little...	11	(1)
Hormone Balance	11	(1)
Exotic Allure	12	(1)
Symmetry Is Sexy	12	(1)
Averageness Attracts	12	(2)
Smelly Stuff---Pheromones	14	(3)
BO Rules OK	17	(1)
The Smell of Female	17	(1)
Keep It in the Family	18	(4)
Let's Get It On---Dressing for Sex	22	(19)
Corsetry	23	(1)
Underpants	24	(1)
A Glimpse of Stocking...	25	(1)
Of Busts and Bras	26	(2)
Busting Out	28	(1)
Bizarre Breasts	28	(1)
Nipple Rings	29	(1)
Fat	30	(2)
Hair	32	(2)
Feet	34	(1)
These Boots Weren't Made for Walking	35	(1)
The Codpiece (Is that a canoe in your tights...?)	36	(2)
Fetishes	38	(3)
You Show Me Yours---The Ins and Outs of the Vital Organs	41	(24)
His	41	(1)
Size	42	(3)
Making It Bigger	45	(1)
Penis Pulling	46	(1)
Vacuum Developers	47	(1)
Surgery	47	(2)
Penis Splints	49	(1)
Making It Smaller	50	(1)
All Dicks Great and Small	50	(1)
Circumcision	51	(3)
Penile Inserts	54	(1)
Sperm---A Drop of the White Stuff	55	(1)
Taste	56	(1)
Sperm Power	57	(1)
Hers	58	(1)
Clitoris	59	(1)
Labia	59	(1)
Female Circumcision	60	(1)
Female Ejaculation	61	(1)
G-Spot Orgasms	62	(1)
Kegel and Kabazzah	63	(1)
Penis Captivus	64	(1)
Losing It (His)---Castration	65	(11)
He Who Has Charge of the Bed	66	(1)
Imperial Eunuchs	67	(2)
Eunuch Erections	69	(1)
Prostitutes and Choirboys	70	(1)
Religious Castrators	70	(1)
Castrating for Christ	71	(2)
Modern Castration	73	(1)
Knife-Wielding Women	74	(2)
Losing It (Hers)---Virginity	76	(12)
The Hymen	76	(1)
Virginity Tests	77	(3)
Blood Virgins	80	(2)
Cherry Picking	82	(2)
Born-Again Virgins	84	(1)
Defloration Mania	85	(3)
Performance Enhancement---Aphrodisiacs	88	(12)
Fruit and Veg	89	(2)
Herbs and Spices	91	(1)
Honey	92	(1)
Truffles	92	(1)
Booze	93	(1)
Seafood	93	(1)
Meat	94	(1)
So What Makes a Good Aphrodisiac?	94	(1)
Spanish Fly	95	(1)
Viagra	96	(1)
Magic	96	(2)
Anti-aphrodisiacs	98	(2)
On the Job---Methods, Manuals, and Marital Aids	100	(23)
Sex Manuals	100	(2)
Red-Hot Lovers	102	(2)
Oral Sex	104	(1)
For Him---Fellatio	105	(1)
Fellatio Technique	106	(2)
For Her---Cunnilingus	108	(2)
Getting It On	110	(3)
Basic Positions	113	(1)
Group Sex	114	(1)
Midair Sex	115	(1)
The Physiology of Sex	115	(2)
Bottoms Up	117	(3)
Anal Positions	120	(1)
Help Is at Hand---Marital Aids	120	(1)
The Joy of Fat Sex	121	(2)
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit---Gays, Lesbians, and Transsexuals	123	(22)
In the Navy...	124	(1)
Tribal Homosexuality	124	(1)
The Ancient World	125	(1)
Greek Pederasts	126	(1)
Roman Scandals	126	(2)
China and Japan	128	(1)
Islam	129	(1)
European Gays	130	(1)
Bend Over and Think of England	131	(3)
Go West	134	(1)
Lesbians	135	(1)
Chinese Lesbians	136	(1)
Transsexuals and Transvestites	137	(1)
Intersex Babies	137	(1)
Primitive Cultures	138	(2)
European Transsexuals	140	(2)
Trading Places---Sex Change Surgery	142	(3)
Protect and Survive---Contraception	145	(16)
Coitus Interruptus	146	(1)
Hitting the Mark	146	(1)
Pessaries, Plugs, and Sponges	147	(2)
Diaphragms	149	(1)
The Intrauterine Device	150	(1)
Herbal Remedies	150	(2)
The Pill	152	(1)
Condoms	153	(1)
Rise of the Rubbers	154	(3)
Magic	157	(1)
I Got Rhythm	157	(1)
Vasectomy and Sterilization	158	(1)
Abortion and Infanticide	159	(2)
Whatever Turns You On---Sexual Perversions	161	(30)
Frottage	162	(1)
Scatology---Doing the Dirty	163	(2)
Water Sports---Pee Is for Pleasure	165	(1)
Roman Showers	166	(1)
Sadomasochism---Hanky Spanky	167	(1)
Professional Flagellators	168	(2)
School Punishment	170	(1)
Autoasphyxiation	171	(2)
BDSM	173	(1)
Equipment	173	(2)
Animal Lovers	175	(1)
Cross-breeding	176	(2)
Bestiality B.C.	178	(3)
Europe	181	(1)
Women and Animals	181	(2)
Modern Bestiality	183	(2)
Necrophilia---Diddling the Dearly Departed	185	(2)
Famous Necrophiliacs	187	(4)
Bare Naked Ladies (and Gents)---A Short History of Pornography	191	(16)
Moving Pictures	195	(2)
Magazines	197	(1)
Porn Films	198	(4)
Cybersex	202	(1)
Mainstream Film Porn Awards	203	(4)
Sex for One---Masturbation and Other Hobbies	207	(18)
Ancient DIY	207	(1)
For and Against	208	(3)
Sisters Are Doing It for Themselves	211	(1)
Dildos	212	(2)
Vibrators	214	(2)
Specialist Sex Aids	216	(1)
Sex Machine	217	(1)
Gentlemen's Relish	218	(1)
Fake Vaginas	218	(2)
Fruit `n' Veg	220	(1)
Fun with Your Urethra---``Sounding''	221	(1)
Up the Bum	222	(1)
Pet Shop Shenanigans	223	(1)
Enemas	224	(1)
You're the One That I Want---Sex and Marriage	225	(12)
The Harem (The Teapot Must Have Many Cups)	226	(2)
Polygyny in the West	228	(2)
Polyandry	230	(1)
Child Brides	231	(1)
Age of Consent	232	(2)
Marriage Customs	234	(3)
You Can't Do That!---Sex Laws from Around the World	237	(3)
The Missionary Position---Sex and Religion	240	(18)
Phallic Crosses	241	(1)
Romans	242	(1)
Priapus---``King Dong'' of the Gods	243	(1)
Maypoles and Bread Rolls	244	(1)
Saintly Studs	245	(1)
Vagina Worship	246	(1)
Christian Sex	247	(4)
Celibacy	251	(1)
Married Sex	252	(2)
Christian Sects	254	(1)
Sinister Sects	255	(1)
Devil Worship	255	(3)
The Oldest Profession---Sex for Sale	258	(27)
Temple Prostitutes	258	(2)
Ancient Greece	260	(2)
The ``Lays'' of Rome	262	(1)
British Brothels	263	(3)
Restoration Romps	266	(7)
Rent Boys, Gigolos, and Lesbians	273	(2)
Continental Prostitution	275	(2)
China	277	(3)
Japan	280	(1)
India	280	(1)
New World Prostitution	281	(2)
Prostitution Today	283	(2)
Sexually Transmitted Diseases	285	(5)
Gonorrhea	287	(1)
Herpes	287	(1)
Pubic Lice	288	(1)
Hepatitis	288	(1)
Genital Warts	288	(1)
Trichomoniasis	289	(1)
Chlamydia	289	(1)
HIV/AIDS	289	(1)
Fuck, Etc.---A Short Glossary of Sex Words	290	(13)
Sex Slang	294	(7)
Porn Movie Slang	301	(2)
Index	303

Excerpts

BIRDS DO IT, BEES DO IT

Sex in the Animal Kingdom

Sex is often thought of as an animal activity ("You're a tiger!"), and the animal kingdom is as good a place as any to start a comparative sex education. Evolution has thrown up innumerable sexual variations in the living world. Some creatures, like aphids, manage to do without sex at all and reproduce using a cloning process, while others can't seem to get enough of it, the humble single-celled paramecium evolving (somewhat extravagantly) eight sexes rather than the more usual two. Some creatures (many species of reef-living fish, for example) have distinctly shaky sexual identities and will change gender at the drop of a hat. Others like spiders and bristle worms combine sex with cannibalism. Indeed, compared to many animals, the sex lives of the most infamous human libertines seem positively lackluster.

The Naked Ape

As might be expected, when compared with animals, human sex lives most closely resemble those of our nearest relatives--the chimpanzees--rather than gorillas and our more distant cousins the monkeys. Gorillas have tiny penises compared to body size; on average they come in at 1 1"4 inches. Orangutans aren't much bigger at 1 1"2 inches, while the relatively small chimps are a whopping 23Ú4 inches. Humans come out best with an average of 5 1"2 inches, but there seems to be no reason for this relatively huge size; a 2-inch penis would do the job just as well. Gorillas don't need to be well equipped in this respect because a dominant male keeps a harem of females. This means there's very little day-to-day competition with other males. In contrast, chimps live in large groups where females mate with a number of different males every day. Chimps need a relatively large penis and a high volume of sperm production to compete. The sperm acts as a douche, washing out the sperm left by a female's previous lovers. It's the male chimp who produces the most sperm who will father the most children. This is why chimp testicles weigh around 4 ounces each, while the more monogamous humans clock in at only an ounce and a half.

Proportionally the largest testes in the primate world belong to the woolly spider monkey. Females of the species have been known to mate as many as eleven times a day when in heat and literally overflow with sperm. This excess is treated as a nutritious snack, and spider monkeys lick it up by the mouthful.

Giving Him the Bone

An interesting difference between humans and animals is the lack of a human "penis bone," also known as an os penis. The majority of mammals, including bears, cats, dogs, weasels, moles, shrews, and most primates, possess such a bone, and why humans don't is a mystery. The size of these bones varies. Walruses have os bones two feet long, resembling ivory truncheons, while bats have tiny ones. As a rule, fish lack an os bone (which would spoil their streamlined shape), as do most birds (where they'd be an unnecessary weight).

Bird Penises

Some birds have penises; these are usually found among flightless birds (where the extra weight isn't a disadvantage) and aquatic birds like swans, ducks, and geese (where aquatic mating means there's a chance of sperm being washed away). It's probably a coincidence that penis-owning waterfowl seem to be the ones that most commonly indulge in rape. Male ducks have a reputation for this sort of thing and often take part in "gang bangs"--large numbers of drakes mobbing a female for sex and sometimes drowning her as a consequence. Bird penises tend to resemble mammalian penises but do not contain a urethra to drain the bladder. Some can be remarkably long; the Argentine lake duck commonly has an 8-inch penis, but the largest reach 16 inches.

For those who'd like to see one, fresh ostrich penises can be bought over the Internet as an aphrodisiac.

Big Penises

The record for the world's largest penis is held by the world's largest mammal, the blue whale, which has an organ just over ten feet long and one foot in diameter. The sperm whale (named after spermaceti, a mysterious white oily substance found in its head) comes a close second with a nine-footer. A whale's penis is known as a dork, which is where the insult comes from.

Among land mammals, giraffes have erections reaching four feet long, while elephant erections can reach five or six feet. One enterprising biologist has even gone as far as to calculate the average weight of an elephant penis--59.5 pounds (with testicles at 4.4 pounds each). Rhinos tend to be shorter in this department, their penises being around two feet long; however, they make up for it by being prodigious ejaculators, some coming as many as ten times during a half-hour session. These genitals have been put to some unusual uses in the past. In India golf bags have been made from elephant penises, while in Africa rhino and hippo penises were often stretched and dried to make whips.

Weird Penises

Smaller animals may be less impressively equipped, but many make up for it by having bizarre penis shapes. Some animals, like marsupial opossums, have two--one for each of the female opossum's paired vaginas.

Pigs have corkscrew-shaped penises; the male pig makes semirotary motions to literally screw himself into his mate. Spider monkeys have barbed penises to help them hang on during mating. Tomcats also have barbed penises; the pain caused by withdrawal is the stimulus that causes the female to release her eggs. Like pigs, some bulls have corkscrew penises, though in this case it's an undesirable medical condition that makes mating difficult.

Insects have unusual penises. For example, dragonflies have shovel-shaped organs designed to scoop any previously deposited rival semen out of a female. One of the most bizarre boners belongs to the European rabbit flea, which has a penis consisting of two coiled rods, with sperm wound around the smaller one like springs. Some earwigs have two penises--they are very brittle and a spare is needed in case the main one breaks off. Male bees (drones) have alarming-looking genitals. Even more alarming is the fact that they explode. Once the drone has mated with a queen bee in flight, his genitals burst with a pop that can be heard some distance away. The explosion blocks the queen's genitals so she can't receive sperm from any other male.

Barnacles have developed a penis to help solve their immobility problem. Once it's glued itself to something solid, a male barnacle is stuck for life; however, its penis is commonly 150 percent longer than its body and is able to snake out and molest any female within striking distance.

Super Sperm

We're used to thinking of sperm as numerous and tiny, but many creatures produce a small number of relatively enormous sperm cells. The house centipede produces a sperm cell that is as long as its body (commonly over 4.7 inches), and some beetle species go one better and produce sperm that are longer than their owners, coiling them up like springs inside the body. An unfortunate side effect is that after fertilization the female often has to waddle around with a sperm tail sticking out of her rear end. Proportionally, the record for the longest sperm belongs to the fruit fly, Drosophila bifurca; it has sperm 2.4 inches in length, twenty times longer than its entire body.

Some creatures produce spermatophores, dense packets of sperm coated with protective gels. Octopi use spermatophores that are three feet long and as thin as a pencil. Some octopus spermatophores have barbs to stop them from being withdrawn once they're placed inside the female, a necessary precaution, as unbarbed spermatophores are often removed and eaten. Katydids (relatives of the grasshopper) also make use of sperm as food; here females have to be bribed with sperm food parcels before they'll allow their eggs to be fertilized.

Perverts of the Animal Kingdom

Bedbugs have extremely unsavory sexual habits. Female bedbugs are born without vaginas, so sperm is passed on during an act of "traumatic copulation." The bedbug's penis is a swordlike rod stabbed into the female's body, depositing sperm into her gut. The sperm then travels via the bloodstream to a special storage gland, where it is kept for further use. This system has a benefit for the female, as in hard times she can use this sperm as a free meal. Some African bedbugs play a variation to this game by indulging in "male rape." They stab other males in the hope that, when the attacked male mates with a female, some of their sperm will be passed on as well. To obtain a free sperm meal, some males deliberately invite an attack by disguising themselves as females.

Some bean weevil species are equally repellent, having spine-covered penises that deliberately cripple the female. The lacerations caused by these penises are often fatal: the female lives long enough to lay her eggs but not so long that she has a chance to mate with rival males.

Coming in a close third in the pervert stakes are banana slugs. Slugs are hermaphroditic, and some pairs mate as equals, playing both male and female roles. Others use this moment of intimacy as an opportunity to gnaw off the penis of their sex partner, forcing them to become exclusively female. These penises represent a hearty meal; banana slugs are commonly 5 inches long but may have penises as long as 30 inches.

Another animal with kinky habits is the American slipper snail (Crepidula fornicata). Here a male snail attaches itself to a rock and becomes a female. Another male snail will then settle on the female and mate with her; should a third male land on the second snail, then snail number two will change into a female and be mated with. This might carry on until up to fourteen snails are welded in a tower of lust.

Vaginal Plugs

After mating, many male organisms seal up the vaginal canal of their sex partners. Some parasitic worms exude a glue that seals the female's organs shut. Other animals leave fluid deposits that harden to form a plug. It's thought that many animal penises have such odd shapes because they're designed to get around these vaginal plugs. Male rats are said to be particularly effective at this and can dislodge 68 percent of these obstructions. Female moles plug up their own vaginas to prevent earth from getting inside; secretions from various glands mix into a gummy mass that sets like epoxy resin.

2

HELLO, I LOVE YOU

Sexual Attraction

Just what it is that makes one individual irresistible and intoxicating to another has been a question posed on more than the odd pop song down the years and in more scientific arenas, too. Some people believe there is no overall standard of beauty. They point out that what rates as attractive differs around the world and often changes over time. Standards of beauty will also differ from person to person; as one Japanese saying puts it: "In the eyes of the lover, pockmarks are dimples." Despite these factors many researchers think that sound scientific principles must underlie human attraction, and a number of theories have sprung up to explain just what makes the perfect mate.

You've Got the Cutest Little . . .

One popular theory is that attractive faces are "babyish," with small lips, high foreheads, small chins, and big eyes. The idea is that these faces remind us of children and trigger a protective response. Unfortunately this theory does not take into account the fact that men often cite high cheekbones as being attractive, while women rate a broad jaw as an attractive male feature. Neither of these is a "baby" feature. Added to this is the fact that babies usually have large fleshy cheeks, which have never been rated as attractive in adults. Having a "baby face" is also disadvantageous in that it suggests incompetence--not a desirable feature in a breeding partner. Babies are cute but extremely inept; you wouldn't want one servicing your car.

Hormone Balance

Another theory is that attractive facial features are ones that indicate a correct hormone balance. A broad jaw is a sign of high testosterone levels, so a broad-jawed man is attractive while a broad-jawed female is less so. A sign of low testosterone in women is a fine head of hair. Testosterone leads to hair loss, so a woman with long silky tresses is unlikely to have much.

Another factor is that the by-products of hormones are often toxic, so the fact that you're good-looking (i.e., have the correct hormonal balance for your sex) and in good health would also suggest that you have an excellent immune system capable of dealing with these poisons.

Exotic Allure

One theory has been developed to try and explain why people are often attracted to the exotic and unusual. In these cases it's thought that people are seeking out "rare genes." The idea is that in any population parasites have evolved to take advantage of the "average" person. If you can produce nonaverage children by having sex with someone with nonaverage genes, then your children will be better able to resist parasites. According to the theory, this is why blondes have more fun. Natural blond hair is not common in most societies, so it represents a rare genotype.

Symmetry Is Sexy

Symmetry has also been cited as a factor in attractiveness. If you take a portrait, split it down the middle, and match each half with its mirror image, you get two perfectly symmetrical faces. Usually both symmetrical faces are more attractive than the original. It's not known why a symmetrical face is more attractive than a lopsided one. Perhaps the more regular your features, the better the genes you're carrying. Many famously good-looking people (Tom Cruise, for example) have a high level of facial symmetry.

Averageness Attracts

Human brains seem to like storing information as simple models. When we're young, we build up a model of an "average" face in our minds, based on the faces we see around us every day. If we come across a new face, we compare it to the average and add some distinguishing features to tell it apart from all the others buried in our memory. It's been discovered that "average" faces (created on computers by overlaying multiple portraits) are usually rated as being highly attractive. The theory is that we find familiar people attractive, and the computer's average face will often closely match the average, attractive face we carry in our memory.

The theory of averageness seems to be borne out by the fact that many people marry someone who resembles one of their parents. This isn't the result of psychological Oedipus and Elektra complexes; rather their average, attractive face will be based on the faces they saw most often as children--their parents. Since most children resemble their parents, this is also why many people choose a partner who resembles themselves.

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Excerpted from Sex: A User's Guide by Stephen Arnott
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.