Chapter 1

What IsSHED?

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.

-- Henry David Thoreau

My work over the past 20 years as an organizing and time management guru has been dedicated to helping individuals and companies make the most of their time, space and resources so they can achieve their goals. My unique "inside-out" philosophy lies at the foundation of all my work: designing personalized solutions for each client that reflect who they are, what they want and where they are going. I do not believe organizing can be done from the outside in. In other words, there is no one cookie cutter system that works for everybody. Organizing and time management enable you to express your unique personality, style and goals.

But what happens when organizing isn't enough?

Dear Julie,

I am stuck, paralyzed, before my own future. I've been opening doors and closing them, unable to confront the task that awaits me -- getting my so-called empty nest ready to sell.

Brooke, 53-year-old public relations consultant

I'm unhappy in my job, but am stumped whether to stay or go. I've been spinning my wheels for years and I have no idea where to go from here.

Greg, 36 years old, financial analyst

On the outside, my life looks good -- nice house, great family, good job. I look so accomplished. But it's an empty shell. I've felt my whole life there is something unexpressed in me.

Olivia, 47, real estate agent

I read your organizing books, and they make utter sense, but changeis hard. I can't seem to part with my old ways.

Adam, 62, architect

Organizing is not enough when you're in transition and don't know where you're going next.

Here's a little more from Brooke's letter to me:

Before spring vacation I had made a list of things to do based on putting the house on the market this spring. It included shopping for improvements -- French doors to separate the front hall from my computer room -- and lots of sorting tasks to pare down the nineteen years worth of stuff that is stored all over this big house.

But at the end of spring break the only task I had accomplished was loading and using Turbo Tax! I still can't believe that with nothing to do I was unable to face that list. Spring vacation is my get-it-done time. I clean, I sort, I organize. What iswrongwith me?!

Brooke

Based on her note, Brooke's issue did not seem to be confusion over gettingorganized. She sounded like a "get-it-done" person who was good at makinglists and tackling her to-dos ("I clean, I sort, I organize."). Our follow-upconversation confirmed my hunches:

A public relations professional and a divorced single mom, Brooke, 53, woke up one morning to find herself an empty nester. "With no actual kids under my roof, everyone -- including me -- thinks I ought to consider moving on," she said. "Plus, it is ridiculous. I have over 2,600 square feet of house, and I spend most of it camped out on my bed, surrounded by novels, magazines and crossword puzzles, happily munching on my dinner like a kid in a tent."

Brooke's house was not messy or disorganized -- it was a lovingly designed and arranged work of art, a symbol of love and family. She felt attached to it, although she knew that attachment was weighing her down. She had always known her children would grow up, go to college, find jobs and live on their own, but the moment had arrived all too soon, and she felt unprepared. She was not quite sure where she would go from here. She didn't need an organizing system; she needed something more. In this case, simply getting organized wasn't the solution.

Readers of my previous books,Organizing from the Inside Out,Time Management from the Inside OutandNever Check E-Mail in the Morning, are familiar with my belief that organizing is not about getting rid of things, it's about identifying what's important to you and giving yourself access to it. In my experience, people who are ready to get organized always have a clear vision; whether it is focused on physical space or time. They want to save their job, or start a business, strengthen their marriage, or take better care of their children. In other words, no matter how high the piles, or packed the schedule, breakthrough comes when someone sees something on theother sideof the clutter that they desperately want. By the time a client calls for my services, he or she already knows where they are going, is clear on their goals, and just needs help laying out a path to get there.

But when you don't know exactly where you are going or what you want (even though where youareisn't working), organizing isn't enough.

When you need or want to change something about your life, when you are going through a transition and are struggling to relinquish something that represents the past, you don't need to get organized -- you need toSHED.

What IsSHED?

SHEDis a transformative process for letting go of things that represent the past so you can grow and move forward. The four steps ofSHED(Separatethe Treasures,Heavethe Trash,EmbraceYour Identity,DriveYourself Forward) provide a framework for proactively managing change, transition and the feeling of being stuck and unsure. By releasing the defunct, extraneous and burdensome objects and obligations that are weighing you down, you create the space to discover what's next and gather the energy and courage to move forward. By understanding and releasing your emotional attachments to tangible areas (like your space and schedule),SHEDenables you to release intangible burdens including unhealthy beliefs, thoughts and behaviors.

SHEDis not only about throwing things away (though that is a piece).SHEDing converts the process of letting go into an opportunity for self-discovery and healthy growth. It is a catalyst and companion on the journey to living a richer, more connected life. The ultimate payoff? Clarity, lightness of being, authenticity and living as your most genuine, fully engaged self.

IsSHEDfor You?

SHEDcan be used by anyone going through any sort of transition at any time in their lives, including those prompted by:

Anticipated natural life transitions: moving, retiring, graduating, marriage, promotion, new baby, empty nest, new business.

Unexpected changes: job loss, company merger/management change, health crisis, divorce, threat of eviction, unexpected gain (financial windfall, new relationship).

Internal drive for self-fulfillment and improvement: a desire for improved relationships with others, oneself and the world.

SHEDcan be used to help you gain clarity no matter what stage of a transition you are in, although there are typically three points along the change continuum that "trigger" the process. You could be feeling ready toSHEDif:

you've been brewing about making a change for years and feel you just can't sustain your current situation a moment longer.

you've already made a significant life or work change but despite the external shift are still feeling stuck in the past.

you are being forced to make a change, whether you like it or not.

Let me give you a few examples.

I've been brewing about making a change for years

Caroline, 41, had worked in investment banking for years and did not want for money, comfort or prestige. Yet, despite her outward success, something wasn't quite right; she was unhappy. On the fast track to becoming a senior managing partner, Caroline was extremely organized, productive and efficient in her behind-the-scenes job crunching numbers, prepping deals and crafting mergers. But something about the work had always felt hollow and mechanical; there was a social part of her personality that craved deeper, more sustainable relationships with clients and peers. Caroline's unhappiness intensified over 18 months and she finally decided to make a change. She stepped off the fast track and accepted a new position in training and development, a more visible role within the company. Leaving the comfort and safety of her behind-the-scenes role was scary, but she felt incomplete and knew she couldn't stay where she was a moment longer.

I've already made a change but am still feeling stuck in the past

Jay, 31, grew up in the foster care system, and had battled physical chaos in his life for as long as he could remember. Having switched homes many times throughout his childhood, he never successfully set up a space for himself. He'd gone on to college (where he lived in the dorms) and then postcollege to a house share with some friends. No place ever really felt like home. In every abode, his room was cluttered and stifling. He moved into his first real, grown-up apartment four years ago -- a contemporary one-bedroom flat with a brand new kitchen, beautiful wood floors, and renovated bath. Yet he'd never fully unpacked, and when I first met him, he was still living out of boxes and bags. "The one thing every single living thing on this earth has is a home," Jay told me. "A place it calls its nest, its cave, its hole. These little animals go through the hassle of moving rocks and clearing out the dirt to make a space their own. When you don't have that element in your life, you feel lost."

Jay had a dog-eared copy of my bookOrganizing from the Inside Out, spine broken, face down on his coffee table, peeking out from under a mountain of clutter. He'd been studying the book for years, and loved everything it said, but was unable to sustain any order he created or to make any progress. The stifling state of his home kept him feeling isolated and lonely; unable to fully engage in life. He wasn't able to invite friends or dates over, and his creativity was stalled.

In finally finding his own place, Jay had hoped to put down roots and create a nurturing place of his own. But some old belief system was holding him back. "As I compromised with this problem and learned to live with it, it's gotten worse and worse," Jay said.

I wasn't ready for this change

Max, 60, was a devoted department head and beloved faculty member for over 30 years, when the health care crisis forced him to consider an early retirement. One afternoon, the university suddenly announced that, for faculty fifty-five and over, the only way to save their health care coverage was to take an early retirement the following year. His first reaction was outrage. How could the employer he'd been so loyal to act with such callous indifference? Yet after the initial rage subsided, in quiet moments of reflection he could detect the tiniest impulse of excitement from deep within himself. His whole career he'd had the persistent feeling that there was something else he was meant to do. He hadn't known what, nor had he ever taken the time to determine what that might be. He'd simply waited for a sign. He'd always maintained a love-hate relationship with the bureaucracy of education. Years had passed. Max felt that perhaps this forced retirement was the sign he needed.

Everyone going through any sort of transition is encountering an opportunity toSHED. The impulse to leave the obsolete or broken or irrelevant behind in order to pursue something new is universal. If your current situation sounds similar to one of the above, or if you are going through any kind of career, relationship or living change, it's likely that you, too, are a candidate forSHED.

SHEDIs Not a De-cluttering Crusade

Many experts and "organizing" TV shows present de-cluttering as an organizing strategy, which is an unfortunate and misguided notion. When it comes to getting organized, throwing things out is a temporary fix, which serves only to eliminate the current accumulation of stuff. Cavalierly tossing things from your home, office or schedule (due to shame or pressure) never provides a lasting solution. Worse still, people who are coerced into throwing things away ultimately refill their barren spaces, ending up back right where they started. True organizing is about designing a system of storage and retrieval to help you achieve your goals.

De-cluttering is also usually heavily promoted in terms of the benefits of simplification, of training yourself to live with less. It's about being ecologically correct; about eliminating waste and learning to just let things go. According to these crusade-like recommendations, the gateway to a better life goes something like this: "Don't think, don't hesitate, put it in the garbage! Just say no! It's time to move on! What good is it doing you?! Throw it all away!"

While de-cluttering in order to simplify your life is a valid path for some, I disagree with the often judgmental tone of this advice and its one-size-fits-all approach.

I believe that the objects or activities in your life (however old, stagnant or irrelevant they may be today) served you at some point, or you wouldn't have had them in the first place. Studying your attachment to the clutter before you toss it creates an opportunity for self-discovery, transformation, and a more meaningful and liberating change. In this sense,SHEDis a uniquely individual process.

The Difference betweenSHEDing and Organizing

Think of it this way: if organizing is dropping anchor once you know what you want,SHEDing is lifting anchor so you can go someplace new. Here are a few other differences to keep in mind:

1. Organizing is about identifying what's important to you and giving yourself access to it.SHEDing is about getting rid of the old and obsolete so that you can have space to discover what's important to you.

2. Something that's entirely organized but no longer relevant can be a candidate forSHEDing. For example, a perfectly organized closet filled with items you never use can beSHED.

3. It's possible to get organized without throwing anything away -- purging is the one step you can skip. It's impossible, however, toSHEDwithout letting things go.

4. While organizing has a clearly defined finish point (i.e., you can organize your garage or home office in a weekend),SHEDis an ongoing process that generates movement and fuels transformation, which means the finish line is harder to define. You measure success by the feeling of having completed a transition, as well as the subsequent energy, authenticity and excitement about your life which ensues.

HowSHEDWorks

SHEDinvolves four steps for methodically releasing the objects and activities that represent the past so you can move to a better future. By breaking the process down into practical, nameable steps, you can move forward at a pace that is most comfortable for you; kind of like driving a car, you can speed up or slow down whenever you want.

This book is organized into five parts. This first section, called Getting Unstuck, helps you prepare toSHEDby defining the process, and then walking you through two important steps, Name Your Theme and Pick Your Point of Entry, which help you prepare for a focusedSHED. Name Your Theme will guide you to articulate your vision for the future, no matter how vague it feels right now, and Pick Your Point of Entry will help you choose the most rewarding place to begin.

The next four parts of the book are designed to take you through each phase of the process:

Step 1:Separate the treasures. Slow down to understand the emotional attachment you have to the clutter. Then identify and unearth theitems and obligations that energize you and have true value for thenext chapter of your life.

Step 2:Heave the trash. Once you have selected the items worth saving, completely relinquish that which represents the past by letting go of everything that is no longer relevant. This includes a radical release of any activity or object that depletes you rather than energizes you, and creates a large opening of time and energy.

Step 3:Embrace your identity. Recognize that you are who you arewithoutyour stuff. This is your opportunity to reconnect to your most authentic self and pull your identity from within.

Step 4: Drive yourself forward. Begin to fill your space and schedule with activities, experiences and items related to your theme for the future.

The four steps ofSHEDenable you to manage your way through change consciously so that your transition is mindful, complete and rewarding. In my experience helping clients through change, I've found that most of us blindly find our way through transitions, as we are driven by fear, confusion and guesswork. Working without a framework, people often default to one or two parts of the process, while skipping other steps entirely. When you miss a step, or go through them out of order, you miss an opportunity to use a transition as a way to grow and nurture your most authentic self. Use the code imprinted on the inside cover of this book to take an on- line self-assessment called YourSHEDProfile. Knowing yourSHEDProfile will give you insight into where you're in danger of getting stuck in the process so that you can be attuned to the parts of the book that will be most challenging for you.

For example, if you think of every object or activity as a "treasure" and can't bring yourself to "heave," you won't free any space for growth. If you value nothing from the past and always jump straight to "heave," you'll end up leaving some wonderful gems behind and always feel empty. When you don't "embrace your identity," it's easy to get caught up in someone else's vision of who you are. And if you're afraid to "drive yourself forward," you'll stagnate in the present, limiting your ability (and opportunity) to achieve the change you seek.

SHEDis a holistic process that requires patience and persistence. When you go out of order, it's easy to lose your way.

From Theater Director to Professional Organizer

I fell in love with the theater sometime in the third grade and never looked back. I dedicated myself to community theater growing up, majored in theater in college, and moved to Chicago to pursue graduate studies in theater direction. My life, from age eight on, was about honing my creativity. After grad school, I landed in New York City and made steady progress for the first few years, with footholds in off-Broadway theater companies, television and film. I was realizing my dream to beat the odds and "make it."

Then I got divorced. I was 29 at the time and suddenly a single mom (my daughter Jessi was three). The late night casting calls and marathon rehearsal weekends didn't fit my new circumstances; and the nominal pay I received for the work I loved didn't provide enough income to support myself, let alone raise my daughter.

For the first six months after my divorce, I did a little bit of everything just to keep things together. I waitressed at a '50s-themed diner (where my nametag read "Trixie"); I tried temping and read scripts. My rousing (if half-hearted) rendition of "Shout" (by the Isley Brothers) one February afternoon atop a sea of empty tables in my Trixie outfit only cemented my hunch that these were strange and uncertain times.

When I was in graduate school, I'd always wished there was a "rent-a-mom" service available for frazzled people like myself -- you know, someone to organize your closets and make sure you weren't subsisting on a diet of Dr. Pepper and ramen noodles. The idea came back to me one night over a plate of lasagna with my old theater friend Walt (who, at the time, looked like he'd been living on a stage manager's diet of cigarettes and Diet Coke himself ). Walt agreed that a rent-a-mom service was a great business idea. He desperately needed the service himself and thought I should go for it. But I didn't know the first thing about business, plus there was no way I could ever imagine trading in my peasant skirts for pinstripe suits, or my playbills forThe Wall Street Journal.

As the months rolled on, I realized I had to do something because clearly life as Trixie wasn't the answer. So I called Ric, my old friend and mentor, to ask for his advice. I told him about my divorce and single motherhood, about Trixie and the failed temp assignments, and my rent-a-mom business idea. I confessed to being excited about the idea and told him that I might actually be able to pull it off -- but I was afraid to pursue it for fear of what it said about me: that I was just another hapless theater dreamer that couldn't cut it, a failure, a slouch.

In his soothing, insightful way, Ric gave me permission to relinquish that identity. He said there was nothing wrong with wanting a more stable life for my family -- it was a valid sacrifice and a wonderful gift to Jessi. He pointed out that he'd made a similar choice when he became an administrator so that he could support his family and provide a stable life.

I felt an immediate sense of relief. With that burden of shame lifted from my shoulders, I barreled ahead. I was able to reconcile what I perceived as a non- creative profession with the idea that it would help me provide a better life for my daughter. I marched myself to SCORE ("Counselors to America's Small Business"), bought books on working from home and picked friends' brains for advice. I stopped thinking I knew nothing about business once I realized my lifelong experience as a consumer would suffice. Pretty soon, my new rent-a-mom business, Task Masters, took off.

A More ThoroughSHED

About three years later, Task Masters was doing well, but I could feel the business beginning to plateau. I could only make as much as the hours I worked and couldn't figure out how to expand. At the time, Jessi and I were still living in a small Brooklyn apartment. Like most New York City apartment dwellers,we didn't have enough storage space, so I was storing about six boxes of my old theater production books underneath my dining room table. I'd meant to go through those boxes for years but hadn't had the heart. I knew letting go of those books would mean I was permanently out of the theater and never going back. One lazy Sunday afternoon, realizing how ridiculously unattractive it was to eyeball those boxes every time we sat down for a meal, I finally mustered the courage to go through them. I heaved everything but the books from my two best productions.

Within two months Task Masters soared to the next level. It was as if the chains holding the business back had been released. I hired people to work on my team, and we increased client billings and started to generate great publicity for the business. Suddenly there was no stopping me.

As committed as I thought I had been to start the business, it's now clear to me that I hadn't had both feet in the saddle for the first few years. I hadn't fullySHEDmy theater identity. Half of me was still tied to the theater world I'd chosen to leave several years before. By releasing those production books, I sent a mental and physical signal to myself that my business was now my core focus, and it took off. The feeling was palpable.

The fact that I held onto those production books for so long indicated that my original transition wasn't complete, and that's what I think makes my story universal. We've all felt lost struggling to make a change -- afraid and hesitant to let go of the past. That transition was one of the most difficult of my life. But in order to move fully into the next phase of my life as a parent and provider, I had toSHEDmy old skin.

ThroughoutSHEDyou will follow the stories of many clients (whose identities have been changed to protect their privacy) to learn from their transformational experiences. In particular, four clients -- Brooke, Jay, Caroline and Max -- have generously agreed to share theirSHEDstories, providing you with an intimate glimpse into a very personal process. I hope following their journeys will give you comfort, insight and inspiration for your own:

Brooke, 53, divorced mother of two, public relations professional. Brooke was a reluctant empty nester. Once her children moved out, she grieved the end of her parenting years and was lost as to what the next chapter of her life would be about.

Jay, 32, single, professional musician/composer. Jay had been struggling to get his apartment and life together for years. Living in perpetual clutter, he was having trouble letting go of the deeply buried belief "I'll never have a comfortable home."

Max, 60, married, retired theater professor. Max worked in academia for over 30 years before being forced into an early retirement due to the health care crisis. Faced with an unexpected blank slate, he bravely began an adventure to reinvent himself.

Caroline, 41, single, career investment banker. Caroline knew she looked powerful on paper, but in reality, she felt hollow and mechanical. She was like a production machine, crunching numbers, cranking out reports, developing policies. Caroline craved human interaction, connections with others and the opportunity to make a difference through her work.

Shedding is defined by the National Geographic Association as "a natural process that must occur in order for growth to be achieved." Birds molt, snakes slough and lobsters shed their exoskeletons. Shedding is an ongoing process that mammals, arthropods, reptiles and birds are engaged in most, if not all, of the time. In each case, the animal emerges from its shed fresh, lighter and renewed.

Transformation is as pervasive in our lives as it is in the animal kingdom, but the human shedding experience (at least the one we pay attention to) is more ethereal in nature. Yet by making it tangible, we put ourselves more in control.SHEDis about a transition or experience that transforms us in some way. And though this process is not always pleasant or easy, without it life gets stalled. Clinging to the old, the irrelevant and stagnant will bog you down, hold you back and make you feel stuck. It can confine you to a space that no longer fits, denying you the opportunity to be your truest, best self.

So let's go quietly through your old attachments, releasing the stagnant and creating the space for transformation. I promise it will be a vibrant and fulfilling journey toward your destination. Take your time. Enjoy the ride.

Excerpted from SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life: A Four-Step Guide to Getting Unstuck by Julie Morgenstern
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

Getting Unstuck	p. 1
What Is SHED?	p. 5
Name Your Theme	p. 17
Pick Your Point of Entry	p. 35
Separate the Treasures	p. 53
Finding Physical Treasures	p. 57
Finding Schedule Treasures	p. 75
Finding Habit Treasures	p. 86
Heave the Trash	p. 101
Heaving Physical Attachments	p. 105
Heaving Schedule Attachments	p. 117
Heaving Habit Attachments	p. 138
Embrace Your Identity	p. 155
Trust Yourself	p. 159
Discipline to Deliver	p. 177
Live in the Moment	p. 195
Drive Yourself Forward	p. 205
Break Your Mold	p. 207
Experiment with Your Theme	p. 222
Beware of the 30 Percent Slip	p. 235
Resources for Heaving	p. 245
Acknowledgments	p. 255
About the Author	p. 259
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life A Four-Step Guide to Getting Unstuck

9780743250900

0743250907

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