Langston Hughes's most beloved character comes back to life in this extraordinary collection Langston Hughes is best known as a poet, but he was also a prolific writer of theater, autobiography, and fiction. None of his creations won the hearts and minds of his readers as did Jesse B. Semple, better known as "Simple." Simple speaks as an Everyman for African Americans in Uncle Sam's America. With great wit, he expounds on topics as varied as women, Gospel music, and sports heroes--but always keeps one foot planted in the realm of politics and race. In recent years, readers have been able to appreciate Simple's situational humor as well as his poignant questions about social injustice inThe Best of SimpleandThe Return of Simple. Now they can, once again, enjoy the last of Hughes's original Simple books.

Langston Hughes (1902-67) was born in Joplin, Missouri, and long resided in New York City's Harlem.

Introduction

xi

Akiba Sullivan Harper

Census

1

(3)

Swinging High

4

(5)

Contest

9

(3)

Empty Houses

12

(5)

The Blues

17

(2)

God's Other Side

19

(4)

Color Problems

23

(4)

The Moon

27

(3)

Domesticated

30

(3)

Bomb Shelters

33

(4)

Gospel Singers

37

(6)

Nothing But a Dog

43

(3)

Roots and Trees

46

(5)

For President

51

(3)

Atomic Dream

54

(3)

Lost Wife

57

(3)

Self-Protection

60

(3)

Haircuts and Paris

63

(3)

Adventure

66

(3)

Minnie's Hype

69

(2)

Yachts

71

(3)

Ladyhood

74

(6)

Coffee Break

80

(3)

Lynn Clarisse

83

(4)

Interview

87

(3)

Simply Simple

90

(4)

Golden Gate

94

(4)

Junkies

98

(5)

Dog Days

103

(4)

Pose-Outs

107

(3)

Soul Food

110

(8)

Flay or Pray?

118

(3)

Not Colored

121

(3)

Cracker Prayer

124

(3)

Rude Awakening

127

(6)

Miss Boss

133

(3)

Dr. Sidesaddle

136

(3)

Wigs For Freedom

139

(7)

Concernment

146

(7)

Statutes and Statues

153

(4)

American Dilemma

157

(3)

Promulglations

160

(5)

How Old Is Old?

165

(3)

Weight in Gold

168

(3)

Sympathy

171

(5)

Uncle Sam

176

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Chapter One

CENSUS

"I have had so many hardships in this life," said Simple, "that it is a wonder I'll live until I die. I was born young, black, voteless, poor, and hungry, in a state where white folks did not even put Negroes on the census. My daddy said he were never counted in his life by the United States government. And nobody could find a birth certificate for me nowhere. It were not until I come to Harlem that one day a census taker dropped around to my house and asked me where were I born and why, also my age and if I was still living. I said, `Yes, I am here, in spite of all.'

"`All of what?' asked the census taker. `Give me the data.'

"`All my corns and bunions, for one,' I said. `I were borned with corns. Most colored peoples get corns so young, they must be inherited. As for bunions, they seem to come natural, we stands on our feet so much. These feet of mine have stood in everything from soup lines to the draft board. They have supported everything from a packing trunk to a hongry woman. My feet have walked ten thousand miles running errands for white folks and another ten thousand trying to keep up with colored. My feet have stood before altars, at crap tables, bars, graves, kitchen doors, welfare windows, and social security railings. Be sure and include my feet on that census you are taking,' I told that man.

"Then I went on to tell him how my feet have helped to keep the American shoe industry going, due to the money I have spent on my feet. `I have wore out seven hundred pairs of shoes, eighty-nine tennis shoes, forty-four summer sandals, and two hundred and two loafers. The socks my feet have bought could build a knitting mill. The razor blades I have used cutting away my corns could pay for a razor plant. Oh, my feet have helped to make America rich, and I am still standing on them.

"`I stepped on a rusty nail once, and mighty near had lockjaw. And from my feet up, so many other things have happened to me, since, it is a wonder I made it through this world. In my time, I have been cut, stabbed, run over, hit by a car, tromped by a horse, robbed, fooled, deceived, double-crossed, dealt seconds, and mighty near blackmailed--but I am still here! I have been laid off, fired and not rehired, Jim Crowed, segregated, insulted, eliminated, locked in, locked out, locked up, left holding the bag, and denied relief. I have been caught in the rain, caught in jails, caught short with my rent, and caught with the wrong woman--but I am still here!

"`My mama should have named me Job instead of Jesse B. Semple. I have been underfed, underpaid, undernourished, and everything but undertaken--yet I am still here. The only thing I am afraid of now--is that I will die before my time. So man, put me on your census now this year, because I may not be here when the next census comes around.'

"The census man said, `What do you expect to die of--complaining?'

"`No,' I said, `I expect to ugly away.' At which I thought the man would laugh. Instead you know he nodded his head, and wrote it down. He were white and did not know I was making a joke. Do you reckon that man really thought I am homely?"