Someday I Want to Go to All the Places My Luggage Has Been

by Perret, Gene

• ISBN13: 9781893860018
• ISBN10: 1893860019
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2000-08-01
• Publisher: Arizona Highways

Summary

If you've ever packed a bag, flown commercially, motored across America, or gone shopping for souvenirs for the people back home, this book is for you. Someday I Want to Go to All the Places My Luggage Has Been is a book the whole family -- from grandparent to grandchild -- can enjoy. And it's must reading for the unwary about to embark on a journey. Book jacket.

Author Biography

Gene Perret, an Emmy-winning humorist who has written for Bob Hope, Bill Cosby, Carol Burnett, and other comedy greats, has turned his considerable talents to writing humorous essays and books

Table of Contents

Introduction	6	(4)
Travel in General
Traveling Too Much Test	10	(3)
From Names to Numbers	13	(4)
Travel in the Movies	17	(3)
Ideal Luggage	20	(4)
Travel in the Good Old Days	24	(4)
A Cruise	28	(3)
Travel and the Family
Vacation Altercation	31	(2)
Are We There Yet?	33	(1)
Traveler's Checklist	34	(4)
Have Your Phone Call My Phone	38	(3)
Gift Shops	41	(4)
While the Wife's Away	45	(3)
Preparing to Travel
The Price is Almost Right	48	(4)
If You're Going To Lose My Luggage, Do It Before I Pack	52	(4)
Next Time I'll Take the Shuttle	56	(3)
Speak Clearly	59	(3)
English Spoken Here ...and Everywhere	62	(4)
Driving
Traffic Is Almost Two Four-letter Words	66	(2)
Who's Driving the Car?	68	(2)
You Can't Miss It	70	(4)
Things That Go Bump On the Highway	74	(4)
How To Take a Motor Trip with Friends ...and Keep It Friendly	78	(1)
How To Take a Motor Trip with Children ...and Keep Them from Becoming Orphans	79	(6)
Air Travel
Dumb Things I Have Heard (and Said) on Airplanes	85	(4)
The Little Ticket That Wasn't There	89	(3)
Boarding Bottleneck	92	(3)
Wandering Luggage	95	(4)
The Carry-on-omaniac	99	(3)
First Class, Tourist, and Prisoner	102	(4)
Cuisine, My Foot	106	(2)
Flying with Kids	108	(3)
All Rise	111	(4)
Hotels
Hotels Are Friendly	115	(3)
Where To?	118	(3)
You Can't Get There From Here	121	(3)
Open Sesame ...Please	124	(3)
Welcome to You and Your Money	127	(5)
Dining Out
Your Table Is Ready	132	(4)
We Speak ``Waiter''	136	(3)
Here's Your Order, Sir	139	(3)
All I Had Was the Egg Salad	142	(3)
Dinner with My Best Friend	145	(5)
Destinations
Mule Ride at the Grand Canyon	150	(2)
Watch Out for That Meteor	152	(3)
Delusions of Gun Slinging	155	(4)
Dude Ranch	159	(3)
Boot Stomping Klutz	162	(3)
Rafting Down the River	165	(3)
Mount Rushmore	168	(4)
Just Call Me Vegas	172	(3)
Elvis Has Left the Building	175	(3)
Footprints in the Cement of Time	178