Special Siblings : Growing up with Someone with a Disability

by McHugh, Mary

• ISBN13: 9781557666079
• ISBN10: 1557666075
• Edition: Revised
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2002-09-01
• Publisher: Brookes Pub

Summary

In this absorbing and candid book, Mary McHugh reveals what she has experienced as the sister of a man with cerebral palsy and mental retardation--and shares what others have learned about being and having a "special sibling." Weaving together a lifetime of memories, relevant research, and interviews with more than 100 other siblings and experts, McHugh explores a spectrum of feelings--from anger and guilt to love and pride--and helps readers understand the issues siblings may encounter in
- childhood--such as dealing with their own needs for attention and information, identifying with their parents' grief, and understanding their sibling's disability
- adolescence--such as fitting in with peers, searching for their own identity, and talking to a counselor or therapist
- adulthood--such as building a support system, navigating adult relationships, and planning for their sibling's future care
Emotional and enlightening, this book is a must-read for teen and adult siblings--and all professionals who support people with disabilities and their families.

Author Biography

Mary McHugh is a freelance writer who has contributed extensively to The New York Times, and served as a contributing editor for Cosmopolitan and as an editor at Woman's World and other national publications.

Table of Contents

About the Author	p. viii
Foreword	p. ix
Introduction	p. xv
Acknowledgments	p. xvii
Childhood
Your Needs	p. 3
The Need to Identify with a Parent's Grief	p. 6
The Need for Attention	p. 7
The Need to Achieve	p. 13
The Need for Information	p. 15
Why Parents Have Difficulty Talking About Disabilities	p. 19
Your Parents' Marriage	p. 23
Your Family's Problem-Solving Style	p. 23
Marriages in Trouble	p. 28
Fathers	p. 31
Your Feelings and How to Cope with Them	p. 37
Anger	p. 38
Guilt	p. 44
Embarrassment	p. 47
Help for Siblings	p. 51
How Did You Get That Way?	p. 59
Type and Severity of the Disability	p. 62
Cystic Fibrosis	p. 63
Cerebral Palsy	p. 64
"Invisible" Disabilities	p. 64
Hearing Impairment	p. 66
Mental Retardation Requiring Limited Support	p. 67
Autism Spectrum Disorder	p. 69
Mental Illness	p. 70
When the Disability Occurs	p. 71
Birth Order and Gender	p. 73
When the Younger Sibling Surpasses the Older	p. 78
Size of the Family	p. 79
Conclusion	p. 81
Adolescence
Adolescent Angst	p. 85
Embarrassment with New Friends	p. 86
Mental Illness	p. 88
Fitting In	p. 89
Life Is Unfair	p. 90
Anger and Frustration	p. 95
Guilt	p. 97
Getting Help	p. 102
Love and Pride	p. 106
Who Are You?	p. 113
Asking to Be Included in Family Discussions	p. 113
The Search for Identity	p. 119
Fear of Abandonment	p. 121
Peer Pressure	p. 122
Adulthood
Someone to Talk To	p. 129
Deal with Anger	p. 130
Talk to Someone	p. 132
SibNet	p. 138
Friends	p. 140
Your Relationships	p. 145
Caretakers	p. 146
Escape Artists	p. 150
Influence of a Sibling's Disability on Potential Relationships	p. 152
When Do You Bring up the Disability?	p. 154
Choosing Friends	p. 155
Relatives	p. 157
Your Career	p. 161
Choosing Human Services Work	p. 162
When the Human Services Field Is Not the Right Choice	p. 169
Do You Want to Have Children?	p. 175
Prenatal Tests to Detect Disabilities	p. 177
Deciding Whether to Have Children	p. 178
Who Will Take Care of Your Sibling?	p. 183
Talk to Your Parents About the Future	p. 185
Find the Right Lawyer	p. 187
Determine Living Arrangements	p. 189
Decide Who Will Care for Your Sibling	p. 192
Persuade Parents to Let Go	p. 193
Mental Illness	p. 195
It Feels Like Love	p. 205
Love and Pride	p. 210
Bibliography	p. 223
Resources	p. 227
Permissions	p. 231
Index	p. 233
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