Such a Pretty Fat : One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer

by Lancaster, Jen

• ISBN13: 9780451223890
• ISBN10: 0451223896
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2008-05-06
• Publisher: NAL Trade

Summary

New from the author of Bitter Is the New Black and Bright Lights, Big Ass Personal Training, Session One: I’m standing at the front desk, waiting for the mythical Barbie” to appear. While I was sucking down water and aspirin earlier today, trying to shed my hangover, I started thinking about how judgmental I can be. I mean, why should I have instantly freaked out when I heard someone named Barbie was going to be my trainer? Sure, the name brings up images of gorgeous girls with long blonde hair, shiny white teeth, deep tans, and impossible-toachieve, completely enviable figures, but maybe this Barbie is different. Maybe Trainer Barbie is a dark, homely girl with an overbite and she took up fitness to feel better about her hump and her skin condition. Yes, that’s it. Barbie is all hideous and disfigured and she will have a heart of gold and because of this, she’ll be devoted to nothing but making me lose weight… I stand by the magazine rack and I’m about to pull out this week’s In Touch when I hear my name being called. I turn around and look for my gargoyle of a trainer. But I don’t see any monsters. All I see is a gorgeous girl with long blonde hair, shiny white teeth, a deep tan, and an impossibleto- achieve, completely enviable figure standing there. Hey, are you Jen?” she asks. I’m Barbie!” Of course you are.

Author Biography

A former vice president at an investor relations firm, Jen Lancaster has written for NYHS and Hatch magazines. She lives with her husband and far too many pets.

Table of Contents

Author's Note	p. xi
Prologue	p. 1
Like I Haven't Heard That Before	p. 5
Pack Your Knives and Go, Mom	p. 19
Talking (Territle) Turkey	p. 34
Two Fat People Admit Defeat	p. 49
Lookin' Good and Feelin' Fine? Not So Much	p. 61
Shame con Queso	p. 84
I Wish I Could Quit You, Olive Garden	p. 105
Genttemen, Start Your Cheesecakes	p. 124
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time	p. 137
Careful What You Wish For	p. 152
I Like New York in June; How About You?	p. 168
Less Talk-y, More Drive-y	p. 188
Reaching Critical (M)Ass	p. 211
Baby Steps	p. 229
Metamorpha-Sissy	p. 244
Gym Dandy	p. 264
Et Ju, Valerie Bertinelli?	p. 284
Enough with the Cake Already; God!	p. 304
Swim It Out, Bitch	p. 322
The N-a-k-e-d Truth	p. 342
By the Numbers	p. 372
Epilogue	p. 375
Acknowledgments	p. 377
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